Anne Hathaway is a National Treasure

Since Billy Crystal was canonized as The Only One Who Can Host the Oscars, I have a difficult time the day after the show. Everyone slams the host, not taking into account the Oscar audience/viewer is The Worst Audience Ever, i.e. ready to unleash the second the first star is spotted on the red carpet. The entire production is steeped in negativity (though Cate Blanchett's dress was truly a shower curtain) with bright spots in genuinely humble speeches and real talent being rewarded. Hathaway worked her butt off and held the show up for everyone. Lots of twisting and running and falling and quipping. I've never seen an actor work so hard to please. Bravo to all those who participated, especially Anne!

Excellent Fashion: Helena Bonham Carter scores big, along with the red dresses worn by Sandra Bullock and Anne Hathaway.

Best Tux/Hair Combo: Colin Firth. He can look dowdy now and then but last night, he gleamed.

Dish's Suggestions for Next Year: Tina Fey, Stephen Colbert and Aaron Sorkin should write the show and this year's writers should be fired. Host choices--Ellen DeGeneres, Hugh Jackman, Robert Downey Jr., Sofia Vergara, Jane Lynch, Steve Carell, and Sean Hayes.

And Dish predicted that James Franco would wind up in drag.

Daily Charlie Sheen: Saw frightening TMZ interviews online. Pale, gaunt, obviously riddled with drugs, could not sit still. I don't know how he'll convince anyone of his sanity. I kind of wish this were really a documentary spoof a la Joachim Phoenix instead of crazy behavior before death. Dish lost hope when Denise Richards filed for divorce while 7 months pregs. She was right all along about how sick he is. If only his family could have him committed. I'd want the same tough love if I went bananas.

Dish's Oscar Picks

Best Picture: The King's Speech (Dish's wish: Black Swan)
Best Actor: Colin Firth, who should have won for A Single Man last year)
Best Actress: Natalie Portman, beautiful and preggo always wins, except for Annette Bening during American Beauty. Annette will get effed over once again (sad because Dish loves her madly).
Best Actor in a Supporting Role: Christian Bale, even though he's getting uglier and uglier
Best Actress in a Supporting Role: Helena Bonham Carter (upset but it's time)
Animated Feature Film: Toy Story 3
Art Direction: Alice in Wonderland
Cinematography: Black Swan
Costume Design: Alice in Wonderland
Directing: Darren Aronofsky
Documentary Feature: Restrepo
Documentary Short Subject: Strangers No More
Film Editing: Black Swan
Foreign Language Film: Biutiful
Makeup: The Wolfman
Music (Original Score): The King's Speech
Music (Original Song): "We Belong Together" Toy Story 3
Short Film (Animated): Day and Night
Short Film (Live Action): Wish 143
Sound Editing: Inception
Sound Mixing: Inception
Visual Effects: Alice in Wonderland
Writing (Adapted Screenplay): The Social Network
Writing (Original Screenplay): The King's Speech

If I get half of these right, I'm on a roll.

Julia Dream!

Just as nature intended us to be BFFs, Julia Roberts appeared in my dream last night. I picked her up to go the Oscars. In the car, I was on my best behavior so no crazy-fan-rapid-fire questions (omg, how cool are you, love your cheekbones, where do you buy your yarn, I can't stop watching Notting Hill even though your character was a cow, you and Danny are ssooooo cute together and oh I love New Mexico too, what do you think of me?). I remained serene and Julia-esque myself...until the car stopped for Jeff Bridges. He came out of a narrow break in the hedges. He had two sons following him and they were both high as kites. Jeff got on in on the driver's side, his two high sons scrunched with me and Julia. Jeff proceeded to drive like a crazy person. Thoughts?

As predicted, Parker got the boot from the Spitzer/Parker show. She's better off not sharing the stage with that jackass. So now it'll be the LookAtMeSpitzerLookatMe Show (cue provocative closeups of the man who treated his family/New Yorkers like garbage). There are so many more appealing and benign narcissists I'd rather watch.

Italy Is Style Forward

And always has been. Milan recognized Duran Duran as style icons, evidenced by John Taylor wearing sunglasses indoors (one of Dish's pet peeves). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N2kd-7eUwj0&feature=player_embedded#at=82These boys are quite stylish, always have been.

There's a rumor that John Stamos will replace Charlie Sheen on Two and a Half Men. Wouldn't that be the best thing ever? JJ would be even better choice. She needs to be on television spouting her opinions. Though it would wind up being bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep I'm Greek bleep bleep bleep get me another cocktail, bleep bleep, what the bleep does she think she is bleep bleep.

TG is so bored, he's calling our land line from his iPad, ten feet away from me.

Fire Charlie Sheen

...if only to eliminate one media outlet. He's everywhere, being outrageous, crazy and offensive. Maybe we should take his advice and not fret about him. Leave him alone. Like before 2 and 1/2 Men when he barely had a career. Shall I state the obvious? That this is a terrible downward spiral, worse than I've ever seen for Sheen.

So much excitement starting tomorrow: Kelsey Grammer getting married. Where did my invite go? Are they mad my wedding was so amazing and theirs can't compare? Dish's wedding was a miracle 42 years in the making. You can see a middle-aged rich man marrying a 20-something blond every day of the week (that was mean). I'm getting into the Franco/Hathaway hype for the Oscars. They could be great or awful but at least it's an attempt to do something different.

Until Sunday, Dish is immersing herself in Little House on the Prairie. Latest episode: Mr. Edwards watches over the girls while Ma and Pa boink under the stars go into town on a second honeymoon. Hijinks ensue and Ma realizes that while Pa is hot as beans, especially when he's hammering wood with shirt off, she misses her girls.

Minor Agoraphobia

New York overwhelms me almost every day. I'm not sure I want to stay here. Not enough nature, too many people on top of each other. The more crowds on the street, the more I don't like being outside. After all day in front of the computer, reading, I lift my head and the sun is brutal, so are three-dimensional humans. And I have to talk to them, interact, pretend I am normal and social. After an hour of interaction, I do tend to enjoy myself and my time with others...a lot. It's a matter of readjustment after extensive celebrity research. Tonight, Dish went to the theater district to hang in an old stomping ground (where I accidentally befriended a celebrity) and had a blast. People need people.

And you thought Charlie Sheen had problems. No really, Dish is thankful to be Dish. Sheen is in the news for crazy behavior almost every day--new girlfriend, asking ex-wives to move in close by, addiction specialist in house, blowing millions by not working and it's just so hard to be Charlie. His ideal future bride, Lindsay, is allegedly headed to jail. A match made in heaven.

Why the dark tone? Perhaps last night's Glee. I haven't felt a thrill since the first Darren Criss appearance and his singing "Teenage Dream."

The nail on the coffin, I've started reading Virginia Woolf: A Writer's Diary. So many words. So intelligent, observant and articulate. So not US Weekly. I'm going to start calling TG "Leonard." (But don't worry, Dish would never want to replicate VW's life!)

Rapunzel, Rapunzel!

Isn't it great we live in a world where Jennifer Aniston's new hairdo makes international headlines? I peeked, I enjoyed, I'm getting the same style ASAP, especially since we might be roommates neighbors. Then I saw the sad news that four Americans were killed by pirates and not in a Johnny Depp movie. Death, destruction, war, revolt. The world needs perspective and a Xanax.

His religious fervor is weird to me but I love when Tom Cruise stretches himself artistically. His roles in Magnolia, Tropic Thunder, Jerry Maguire and Mission Impossible: 2 contain less camera awareness. Can't wait to see him in Rock of Ages. Think he might be brilliant.

Dish fantasized today about being Duran Duran's long-distance administrative assistant (I type 100+/minute but don't think I could bear close proximity as I'd need a tranquilizer) and career counselor. Thought: "Reach Up for the Sunrise" and "All You Need Is Now" and "What Happens Tomorrow" came from Simon Le Bon's Life Coach. Dish could be Duran Duran's Life Coach. I have so many goals for them: Simon in a feature film, Nick Rhodes creating art franchise in NYC (more Page Six mentions with leggy models), John exec producing and starring in Sugar Town II with Juicy Couture doing the costumes, Roger DJing in New York and Dom, well, finally being the fifth member. Okay, I need a Get a Life Coach--FAST. This is what happens when Glee sucks.

Twenty Minutes Until "The Bachelor" aka TG's Nightmare

I've been instructed to wear earphones so that husband doesn't have to listen to the inanities of The Bachelor. I don't blame him. The cast is as dumb as a box of hair, though Emily is adorable.

Speaking of adorable, Nick Rhodes and I FINALLY agree on the Oscars. http://www.duranduran.com/wordpress/?p=17870 His first-rate sophistication and appreciation for the arts can aggravate Dish. Why not support crap from time to time? But, oh, this year he and I have merging of minds with Black Swan, which was a heavenly panic attack for Dish. Will you be watching The Oscars?

Matt Dillon and Shelly Long on Modern Family--brilliant. I always underestimate how good Matt Dillon really is. He needs an Oscar. Or does he not care? Even cooler.

Holy Cultwagons!

Dish spent the day reading the following eye-opening New Yorker article on Paul Haggis and Scientology: http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2011/02/14/110214fa_fact_wright. Crash's heavy-handed messages and bad casting made me angry but this article really opened my eyes to Haggis's complexity--and the damage a cult can do. Won't go into details since I don't want any thugs coming after me. I just got married! The article is worth the read--and, yes, Dish has read extensively the other side of the coin.

So, bringing it down a notch: Fergie wasn't invited to the royal wedding. Are you surprised? This Gingie had so much potential. I would have been an excellent royal. Am still debating if I want to be "on vacation" that day as I did watch Wills grow into such a nice young man.

Just saw the new trailer for one of my favorite Emily Giffin books, Something Borrowed. Looks like fun with excellent bitchy Kate Hudson: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GBmETBtjhRA

Not sure Beau Bridges is what Nora Walker needs...

Dish's Dieting Tips

I have no wedding, guy or celebrity event to diet for. My high school reunion is in a few months, but that's not enough to get me pencil thin. Dish diets tend to last six hours. Good for breakfast, then chocolate craving in afternoon. I tried fruit instead and a teaspoon of honey and a nice cup of herbal tea. It all tastes like dogcrap. So, I look to the stars for guidance.

I read the latest US Weekly where very skinny Bethenny Frankel discusses dieting tips. Stars tend to say they once had food issues but eat healthy now: lots of salmon, "veggies," and the occasional splurge on five almonds--everything in moderation. I don't buy it. The stars look like big lollipops, including Frankel. Either that or there's a ton of lipo going on. The only/believable thing I've ever read about the diets of stars was that Lara Flynn Boyle ate three bites of a normal meal and that's it. That was my diet in 1991-1992 and I lost 30 pounds (but looked frightening). Then there was the time Kate Winslet post-Titanic said she scarfed down a scone as often as she could. She looked healthy, too. Now, she's shrunk a bit (to be naked in The Reader?). Hell, she still looks beautiful and not so lollipoppy as the American actresses. Can you smell a little desperation and envy? Dish's Hillary pantsuit bought in 2002 is a little snug. No more bite-size RitterSport chocolates for me. Maybe Dish should adhere to Julia-wisdom via Eat Pray Love: Buy bigger pants.

It's official that Duran Duran has driven me to get DVR. I absolutely can't miss their stint on The Tonight Show on March 22nd. I love DD more than I hate Jay!

News Paltry

Dish pissed, Denise Richards as potential Beverly Hills Housewife--YES!

Gale Harold Visits Dish's Subconscious

I was just thinking last night: Since meeting Duran Duran is the only thing on my Bucket List, it would be nice if I did have ONE celebrity dream come true. The Universe answered with a platonic Gale Harold dream--I love that he's respectful of my married status. In the dream, I received a card, the homemade kind with glitter (that Dish always makes), and it was signed by Gale and the cast of Queer As Folk. He thanked me for the Get Well card I sent three years ago when he had that motorcycle accident (I should NOT have admitted this). I felt a rush of happiness that I touched paper another celeb had touched. Giddy, I considered writing a thank you for his thank you for my get well.

News: Jessica Alba is preggo and Charlie Sheen is giving advice to Lindsay and bragging about his abuse/sobriety, which makes me think he's hopped up.

RIP to my massage therapist who found a tragic, violent end. I didn't know her well, but she was very sweet, loving, talented and helped alleviate a lot of Dish's pre-wedding stress. I just don't understand why this happens to good people. Dish is down for the count today.

Star Sighting--Julianne Nicholson AGAIN!!!

4:12 pm, 17th and 7th--Dish innocently going to get a latte when Julianne JUST HAPPENS to walk by (in miniskirt with long faun-like legs). Second consecutive sighting in a row. Coincidence? I don't think so.

Add to this, my delayed panic attack when an all-business man and his polite daughter visit Dish & TG's abode, which is up for grabs next month. He looked awfully familiar and I tried to contain my ecstasy. Could it have been Steven Soderbergh? I went onto Youtube and, no, SS is a little more goose-like in carriage. This guy was his twin, except more Woody Allen. Or maybe it was SS.

Dish finally watched Inception, which goes firmly in the latest trendy mindf*ck category (Memento, Minority Report, The Matrix, The Adjustment Bureau, Surrogates, oh the list goes on). Could not get through this dreamy What Is Reality festival of seriousness. I did learn something: I wish, wish, wish Leo would do a comedy. Or maybe...he's just not funny.

To reporter Lara Logan (and all victims of sexual assault): Dish sends healing vibes. Cannot imagine what any of these mob-style violence victims have been going through. It must been overwhelming and awful. Brave souls everywhere.

It never goes away but it does get better...

I Need Oxygen...

The Great Aniston might be moving into a relative's building...Guess who's going to borrow sugar? Better yet, a friend will give me 10$ to say to her, "I don't think you're wearing enough flair." http://movieclips.com/rZXFU-office-space-movie-flair-minimum/

Star Sighting Sandwich--Julianne Nicholson and Marcia Gay Harden!!!

6:57 pm, 17th and 7th Avenue: Chill, statuesque with sparkling eyes, Julianne Nicholson glided past me before I shrieked. I'm so used to seeing her hot husband Jonathan Cake that I hadn't been as privy to her hotness. Not only could she play Shirley MacLaine, JN is a bombshell! Not a bombshell is Rik Ocasek past whom I might have brushed in Westside Market. He was bundled up and emaciated. Total Rik, right?

11:55 am, 24th and 5th Avenue: JJ texted me when he saw The Goddess herself Marcia Gay Harden, who first dazzled Dish as the awful shrink in The First Wives Club. JJ reports that Marsha, "Looks like Every Woman On the Street." (JJ tends to capitalize every first letter)

Other news: Frankie Muniz of Malcolm in the Middle might have had a domestic disturbance. That seems to happen when hit shows go off the air and young stars flail. Not good. Tonya Harding is pregnant with her first child, surprising since she seemed the type to get this done by age 14. Okay, that was mean. I believe in second chances and hope she is happy. Finally, Dish is finally a Belieber. Yes, I think Justin Bieber is awesome. I'm not wild about his music, but I enjoy him as a teen idol. Good sport.

Star Sighting--Josh Groban!!!

4:55pm, 18th and 8th Avenue: Dish was rushing home to spend a few seconds with TG before he went off to do his nightly stint on television. I saw a geek talking on the phone and recognized him instantly (it might not have been him). The way he spoke on the phone, I got a love vibe, as though he were speaking to his Valentine. Awwww. Nothing cuter than a geek in love...

...unless it's a GAY GEEZER IN LOVE as Dish witnessed on last night's Brothers & Sisters. This show has been kitchen sinking and jumping the shark with blondie's memory loss, bringing Tommy back, a revolving door of men for Sally to mount, Kitty adopting-baby-fighting-cancer-losing-the-divinity-that-is-Rob-Lowe-then-running-for-senator, and an underwear-model Frenchman to fall in love with abrasive Sarah. Enter Richard Chamberlain as love interest for Ron Rifkin. Any of you who watched RC as the lust-and-guilt-filled priest in The Thornbirds--YOU CAN'T TEAR YOUR EYES OFF HIM even though he's now 500 years old. Then came the HOT kiss. I'm speechless.

Catching up with The Grammys: Babs is awesome (love the hair extensions!), Riyanna and Eminem gave me shivers, and I always love to see Keith Urban sing--He and Norah Jones did Dolly proud (John Mayer didn't belong there).

Now...yes, The Bachelor and two boxes of chocolate.

I Forgot to Turn on The Grammys...

Thirty minutes have passed. It's too late for The Grammys but they don't interest me. The IQ level is beyond low and you're bound to get bleeping musicians giving mentally-challenged speeches riddled with "Oh my God" and "You know." Instead, I'm watching TG eat his dinner and waiting for Desperate Housewives.

What's in the news? Nada except for Lindsay's jewelry theft and Lady GaGa arrived to the Grammy's in an egg. There is creativity! Charlie Sheen's porn star is pregnant (I know, which one) and Mira Sorvino's husband was arrested for public intoxication. Hard to believe that's a crime.

Rent "Red" NOW!

It's one of the few movies on which I'd gladly have spent 13$. Everyone (except one person) is magnificent--especially John Malkovich, who steals the movie. Dish was never a Malkovich fan, felt he delivered all lines in the same way...until, as DishBrother analyzes, In the Line of Fire, though he backslid a bit in The Man in the Iron Mask. Something turned in Malky over the years and he's become a *really* good actor. In Red, be ready for his brilliance. Mirren gave me goosebumps. The only moment I couldn't bear was Bruce Willis french kissing Mary Louise Parker. Ewwww. Maybe Dish has become too prude.

Russell Brand just gave an actual, professional monologue on SNL, which hasn't been done in a very long time. Twenty minutes in, the sketches are still unwatchable.

Star Sighting--Julianne Moore!!!

11:52 am, 14th street, between 6th and 7th: DishBrother spotted fellow redhead Julianne Moore bundled in sleek winter wear and talking sternly on the phone. The one time I saw her in person she was this vivacious chatterbox (I've heard other accounts of her bubbly nature). All day I wondered what could be irritating her.

Oh, and so Egypt's president stepped down, yay, and Billy Joel and Elton John are NOT feuding, phew. Camille Grammer is free of that burnt-out troll and how could Dish ignore this headline: Mick Jagger's Ex Talks About his Privates [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/02/10/mick-jaggers-privates-small_n_821534.html]. I'm sure he doesn't care. Just listened to Lady Gaga's new hyped song "Born This Way," which, as critics have said, is very similar to Madonna's "Express Yourself." No offense taken by this since total originality is all too rare. I love that Lady Gaga exists. She exudes more sophistication than M did 30 years ago, always a good thing in an icon. I hope she has a long career and can keep up with the times as the divine Madonna has done.

"Before the Rain" Video Filming

Duran Duran and I have ESP. No sooner does Dish publicly state passion for their last track on new album than they FILM it. Let's hope video comes out soon enough to satisfy obsessive fans! I ate a big brownie just to celebrate. Well, I would have eaten it without the DD news. I did 90 minutes of cardio, okay?

Scary OldManP--s + Young Starlet Alert: Scarlett Johanssen and Sean Penn dating? They are both sexy beasts into charity and I kinda get it but still: ewww. Before I see multiple denials from their reps, I'll dream about them together. Ewww.

(Cover your eyes, JJ) Dishbrother surprised me with tickets to see Kathy Griffin on March 11th on Broadway! Love her and cannot wait. Three Gingies in one theater--too amazing!

Right now I'm catching up on my The Good Wife. Perfect role for Julianna Margulies. She was also good in Steven Seagal's Marked for Death.

The Kids Are Okay

Annette Bening is a national treasure and so relaxed and wonderful in The Kids Are All Right. As I snotted and hacked, I settled in for a cozy viewing of this two-hour Annette-fest. It's fine, has good performances by everyone. I felt it could have been about every family, not just gay--which might have been the point. For all the dysfunction inherent in this (and every) family (Dish has some doozies in her own family), the kids turned out well. I didn't find the sizzle between Mark and Julianne all that believable but you never know. People have instances of crazy acting and relationships are complex. I tend to shy away from Mark Ruffalo movies--maybe it's his voice--but I'm always amazed at how good he is.

Big news in The Land of Young Rich Stars Who Don't Work: Ashlee Simpson filed for divorce from Pete Wentz. Then, the judge "remanded" Lindsay Lohan into custody because of theft. At his latest MSG concert, Prince (who doesn't live in or come from TLoYRSWDW) pulled Kim Kardashian onto the stage to dance with him and she did nothing. Dish would have danced so hard with The Purple One. Well, after I fainted from the ecstasy of seeing him up close. Kim's freeze might have been shock at his greatness.

My marriage gave me--I mean us--our 15 minutes of fame in the NYT, online and in print. Our notoriety got extended another 15 minutes recently and then in a couple weeks, Dish is being filmed again by one of her vendors. I'm starting to like this.

Born and Red

Either Dishrelative hacked/snotted too much on shared flatware or perimenopausal symptoms have kicked in. Or it's just bad energy in the form of nose running, changing body temperature, chills, burning eyes. F*ck, I have a cold.

Lighter moments carry me, such as the playful rivalry between Diane Sawyer and Sue Sylvester. Sue wins with the wittiest quip: that Diane's next gig will be Good Morning Emergency Room.

Fast hits: Cynthia Nixon and Christine Marinoni have a baby son. Because they are double-gingies, I love this couple and wish their family well. As one could predict with her soaring stardom, her catching the eye of Russell Crowe, movie-offers galore, Olivia Wilde separates from much-less famous husband. She'd eloped at 18, which is never a good idea. Usually a steadfast rule: Don't get back with an ex. That goes doubly if he cheated on you with the nanny. Jude Law and Sienna Miller split again. I don't usually watch the Grammys because the IQs are so low, it's unbearable. The acceptance speeches are beyond inarticulate. Babs's singing at The Grammy's has turned my head. I have a big decision to make.

Secretly Watching "The Bachelor"

I'll admit, I'm distracted. A girl just got denied a rose and shipped after she gushed about her growing affection for Brad. The reject tearfully is grateful that being with Brad helped raise her standards. He feels bad, needs to process his feelings. Can he? No because psycho Michelle storms into his place. How can I tear myself away from all these lies?

Oh wait, TGCat peed on the bed.

The watercooler is all abuzz about Christina Aguilera and lo on Page Six, her staff allegedly planned an intervention to get her to rehab. Maybe it's a phase. Divorce, new boyfriend, child to raise, flagging career--I'd be hitting the bottle, too. Can't she have her moment of crazy?

Speaking of which, Paul Haggis has left Scientology because of their stance of Proposition 8 (14 in QAF). Maybe without this, he'll do something better than awful Crash. Yes, I have the audacity to hate that movie.

Christina Aguilera Was Just Nervous

That's what TG said when Aguilera botched the lyrics of the national anthem before the Super Bowl. I don't mind. A good botching is more fun than all the vibrato. I'm getting confused by the yellow on both sides.

Last night's SNL was a bit better due to Dana Carvey. SNL still sucks this season (I keep watching) and their writers aren't delivering. Linkin' Park sucked but then TG and I realized all the bands sound bad on SNL (except Prince).

Dishfamily saw The King's Speech, which was a delight (but not as gut-ripping as Black Swan). Colin Firth is wonderful, as usual, and I couldn't resist nudging TG over and over when he greets Jennifer Ehle (aka Logue's wife, aka LIZZIE). He's been so gracious as to watch the full 5-hour BBC version of Pride & Prejudice with me. Need I state the obvious: Geoffrey Rush is a god.

Sniff: Charlie Sheen sent texts to his party girls that he's closed for business. I wonder what the addiction specialist will have him do next!

It's rumored that Camille Grammer will join The Real Housewives of New York City to add drama, which was lacking in this new season. Imagine, women getting along is not interesting.

All Hail Dom Brown!

It's time to crown a new king. Fans might find it hard to let go of Warren Cuccurullo and Andy Taylor but they're gone. The last three Duran Duran concerts I've seen featured Dom. In 2004 when they began a comeback, Dom was there to sub. When Andy flaked out permanently, Dom was there and he's been there ever since. Why isn't he Duran Duran? A diehard (and I would DIE HARD for them) of twenty-eight years, Dish loves his happy energy, a staple in the Tao of Duran Duran.

Watch for yourself:http://www.vh1.com/video/misc/618985/duran-duran-performs-all-you-need-is-now.jhtml#id=1657114. As you can see, I managed to watch their pre-Superbowl-jam. All is well again in my house.

Star Sighting--Susan Sarandon!!!

6:25pm, 15th and 7th Avenue: There she was, standing and on her cell phone, looking straight ahead. Some people are born perfect.

Theft, Death, Love Child, Promiscuity, Rejection!

All in a day's work for celebrities and their families. Yay!

I'm not sure how I missed it but--apparently and allegedly--Lindsay Lohan is not just a substance abuser but a jewel thief. What's next? Shooting a dog?

Former Enron President Jeff Skilling's son was found dead, prescription bottle, etc... Very sad.

I was just talking about Shaky-Camera Soderbergh and then an article in the Post about his having a love child--being slapped with paternity suit--while married to Jules Asner, though they might have been on a break. Relationships are complex.

Jake Gyllenhaal dating Carrie Mulligan? I'm getting so confused. He was just in Nashville having a "closure" talk with Taylor Swift, flirting with Camille Belle and attending the Globes with an ex-girlfriend.

Maybe the best piece of news, awful Dish schadenfreude, is that MTV nixed Lauren Conrad's new reality show about her working her own fashion line. She didn't seem to work on The Hills and she's been out of the limelight for a while. It's a shrewd move on MTV's part. To survive, you need more than a vapid stare and sparkling hair.

Misery: The Real Housewives of New York City delayed because of boring premiere. Now the Miami franchise is due in. Judging from the trailer--an even bigger freak show than Beverly Hills or New Jersey.

Simon Le Bon's Beard Is Growing On Me

Sometimes electrolysis isn't enough. When you get older--not that I would know this--unwanted hair grows even more and in the strangest places. I imagine Simon is tired of shaving and wants to mark this new Mark Ronson era of Duran Duran with sweaty egg-salad-catching face fur. I like it.

What I don't like is when VH1 airs the Superbowl Jams (on which DD played) at the same time as The Office (TG's favorite show). For the last half hour, I manically switched back and forth. Tonight's Office stunk hard and I missed most of DD's set. To cap off the night, TG said Duran Duran was "kind of old and flat." I'm not speaking to him right now.

Let's pretend nothing happened. Julia might be in talks to star as the Evil Queen in The Brothers Grimm: Snow White. Could be genius or terrible casting. It depends on the angle, will she be adult-evil or kid-evil?

My latest genius coupling: Lindsay Lohan and Charlie Sheen. Is it true he's doing rehab at home with an addiction specialist? I guess I could be an addiction specialist (see all previous posts).

I'm Sorry, Gale Harold, But I'm a Married Woman Now

Friends of Dish might snarf their lattes at news that Hellcats has dropped off my radar. A little thing called MARRIAGE and TRUE LOVE took over my screen-stalking of Gale Harold. I neglected many of my loves, perhaps even Julia, but mostly Gale. Though I admire him from more of a distance, fer sherr I will catch up on Gale's masterful portrayal of an earnest law professor. Watch and drool: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVzNhrzSn70. Now when are he and Ashton Kutcher going to team up as brothers? Yes, I'm secretly a casting agent, too.

Say a prayer for darling Anderson Cooper who got punched-a-lot and is trapped in Dish's former favorite civilization, Egypt. That country needs to bring back Cleopatra but leave Octavian behind. He ruined everything (though is my favorite Roman emperor).

Gabriel Aubry and Halle Berry are in a vicious custody battle. A Dishacquaintance has come forward to bash Aubry's character on a popular tabloid site. But...this Dishacquaintance also lacks character. I feel like screaming this to the website, but this would result in bad karma. One wonders where the real story lurks in this battle. Bottom line: one big mess for this poor child--not the parents. A celebrity custody battle can only be done in public and their daughter will suffer ten times more (look at Basinger/Baldwin dispute). Can't these two just get along and hate each other in private?

Dish Dream Come True: Jane Lynch Writing Memoir!

I can't imagine anything more titillating: Jane Lynch on my Kindle. Her memoir (published by Hyperion) is scheduled for September 2011 release. I cannot wait that long.

And if my day couldn't get better, it seems Ricky Gervais was asked back to host the Golden Globes again! Bahahahahah! Did Dish call it or what? So predictable and now I pronounce Ricky The Smartest Comedian of All Time. He knows how to work the system. Update: Jokes on me, it was a rumor. I can dream, can't I?

The cap on Tuesday: Barbara Bush (the granddaughter of "Bar") endorses gay marriage.