Much Ado about Hating Gwyneth Paltrow

Once upon a time, a beautiful, talented non-trashy blonde played the supportive wife of Brad Pitt in Se7en. Her part was subdued yet meaningful, and we embraced the cuteness that she was doing it with Brad in real life. She became this new actress to watch, with her wholesome look and intelligent-seeming demeanor. After this, she dressed as a man, which was so unique and talent-revealing (I did this when I was four, but do I get an Oscar). Though she did some good work, she lost me with her Oscar hair the year she won, and that shitty pink dress--but I'm not superficial. I just wanted Cate Blanchett to win for Elizabeth. Life went on for this Dish, and because I don't live for stars (who are we kidding), I understood that Gwyneth might exist in a different world from mine. Her suffering and my suffering were still the same (because we're all connected).

Over time, post Brad, Ben, Luke, now Chris, she's been reduced to this subject of viral mockery when we all used to see her as A-list. Now she's secretive, snooty, NOT the most beautiful woman in the world, too skinny, cheating, threatening Vanity Fair and the list goes on (Ahnold's villainy didn't last this long). While, yes, I do find her pretentious (Moses, Apple, the cupping, the nutrition advice, really bad acting choices), the trashing makes me way sicker.

Audience, she's not the devil, just potentially out of touch. She's not throwing children into oncoming traffic, having the manny's baby or calling anyone "sugar tits." She didn't cause the disappearance of flight MH370. Of course, the girl doesn't help herself by referring to her separation as "conscious uncoupling," a more educated way of saying, "we're just not into each other"--for those with an under 50 IQ. Of course, she sounds severely DOA when she demeans women with office jobs or says she's leaving acting to focus on her kids (what acting has she been doing).

My beef with Gwyneth isn't her personality or how much I resent her beauty. I just badly want her to do theater...or a role to show everyone that you don't mess with a smart blond who has everything. Let's stop wasting energy whining about people who are basically okay.

Oh wait, I'm whining.