Tomkat Haiku

Mirror, mirror, on
the wall, who's the boringest
of them all? (hee hee)

Sexiest Man Alive?

George Clooney is again People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive (I keep typing Sexist Man Alive, though a total accident). He's handsome and wildly funny but can't they pick someone who hasn't won before? Brad's been having a good PR year, so he could go for a third term. Then Matthew again, then Harrison Ford. Jude Law could go for #2 after he's re-built up his street cred (rumor has it he's left Sienna "for good"). Maybe it's because he's so not controversial and does good deeds. Julia Roberts loves him, too.

Just wish People was more adventurous--like maybe they could choose a geezer, one who still gets all the chicks even though he's hideous. Or they could choose someone who's literally bursting at the seams to be the world's greatest Actor (who is also hot). Jake Gyllenhaal? Matt Damon (wink, wink The Daily Damon)? Heath Ledger?

No disrespect intended toward Clooney. Well, except for Solaris.

And Then There Were Two

No sooner do we show Dakota Fanning in an earlier post than the preview for the next L&O: SVU appears. Which brings me to the crisis of the week: The world was frightening enough with one Fanning. But now there are two. Elle Fanning plays a demon child on next week's episode and we're already eyeing the muscle relaxants in our medicine cabinet.

What are the odds that these girls hate each other? Perhaps, ten years from now, we'll see a rivalry like the one between Joan Fontaine and Olivia de Havilland. Personally, I think Rebecca could beat the crap out of Melanie.

Dish Upon a Star University

Dish Upon a Star would like to announce its new school: Dish Upon a Star University. To become truly insane, immerse yourself in celebrity culture and get a degree in stargazing. It's sort of like a degree in French, which is not useful for anything except reading Baudelaire.

To receive a diploma, you need to acquire 100 credits.

Friendship with a celebrity (not just a passing hello) -- 5 credits
Eyelock with a celebrity -- 1 credit
Star Sightings - 1/2 credit
Conversation with a star (even just hello, as long as you respond) - 1 credit
Sleeping with a celebrity -- 50 credits
Keeping an ongoing blog about stars -- 10 credits
Longtime crush on celebrity lasting over 10 years -- 5 credits
High school term paper on celebrity -- 5 credits
Reporting spectacular celebrity news -- 2 credits

Courses you can take at DUAS U:

Creating lesson plans for Paris Hilton and child stars: 3 credits

A study of plastic surgery: Does it help a star's career or is it just something for us to make fun of?

How Sex and the City, Queer As Folk and The L Word are the same show: 3 credits

Analysis of accidental erotic dreams where celebrities are involved (like the one we had about Tom Cruise--yuck!): 3 credits

A strategic plan for meeting a celebrity without inconveniencing him/her or going to jail: 3 credits.

Divas' ex-husbands and why Mark Anthony and Cleopatra could have never worked out today: 3 credits

The road to Oscar--a study of cross-dressers, queens, murderers, old farts and mentally challenged characters in film.

Curriculum suggestions welcome.

Sign up today!

Levert Lament

Gerald Levert Requiem Haiku

Not your Cas'nova
Me 'n Romeo never
Been friends. Can't you see

How much I really
love you, gonna sing it to
you time and time 'gain

(1966-2006)

Poem Palance

Smirky Adonis
Rugged match for the Bardot
Multi-lingual stud




One armed push-up, sniff
Salt of the earth, eats no dust
Ta, City Slicker

(1919-2006)

Confection Haiku

Cake shoes wigs Champagne
Marie reads Rousseau aussi?
Le petit truth stretch

Sofia so brill
Merci, chou chou, je t'aime (oui)
Let them eat boogers!

Britney Spears Dumps K-Fed!

Oops, she did it again, got rid of Husband #2 finally! Now, Federline can join the pool of back-up dancer ex-husbands and find a job to support his four children.

What will she do next?