Don't Die--Just Stay Under Covers for Three Months!

Dish was saddened by Alexa Ray Joel's alleged suicide attempt via pills. I would have sipped Drano over Daddy marrying someone my age, and Alexa was a rock through that craziness. She was supportive as her mother cast aside her philandering fourth husband and spent months in the tabloids. It's so wasteful to attempt suicide at 20-something. Emotions runs high, but you're so pretty then. It's better to off yourself when you're 80 and sucking peas through a straw. 60 years is a long time to be depressed but it's more dignified than overdosing--which everyone is doing these days. Another solution to depression: Get really fat but stay indoors where no one will see you. Cool Whip doesn't taste as good after the third bowl. Smoking can help, along with hours of TV Land. Within a few months, life will shift, you'll get meds or find a treadmill. This is far better than dying.

Dish prays Alexa sees how gorgeous and talented she is.

FORGIVEN!!!!

Dishfriendsincehighschool just said, "You do remind me of Julia. I didn't realize you liked her because I think you ARE her so I got confused."

OMG!

Dishfriendsincehighschool asked, "Do you like Julia Roberts?"

Um...does she even know Dish? Julia is my best friend.

(sounds of Dishfriendsincehighschool begging for forgiveness--hee hee--can milk this for years)

So Glad Am Not Assoc Producer

Rain and snow in NYC. Dishfriendsincehighschool and I went to the Crap Fair in Union Square. As we turned the corner on 18th and Broadway, sad film techies ordered us to sheath our umbrellas because Matt Damon was shooting a scene. They yelled as if the sky were falling, the IRS had struck, Tom Cruise's asking price fell, they drove over their iPhone (hahaha Dishbrother!). Dishfriend whipped out her camera and got all excited, but Dish knows the truth about shooting films. THEY TAKE FOREVER. NOTHING REALLY HAPPENS. YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BE DISCOVERED.

So we watched Tropic Thunder. Am pondering the happiness Sandra Bullock must feel. 45, two hit movies, potential Oscar nom. This is what happens when she's not in a movie with Keanu. Though Dish loves Keanu.

(TG's family said I was their fave of all TG's exes--though TG says this is no great feat. Sending real Thank You card, which will earn delicious brownie points. I just hope they thought I was skinny.)

Code Orange!

Today's News: Not only are the biggest babe-skanks making headlines, but Dish UNEXPECTEDLY is meeting TG's family tonight--without having seen TG yet! Shocker of all shockers! I'm graced with the ability to befriend strangers easily so not nervous. I'll just pop a Xanax and drink two bloody marys beforehand. JK!*

Imagine that shining moment when Tiger Woods met his wife's family. Good vibes passed between all, with the promise of shared love. Now that's shot to hell with a bunch of bikini clad money-grubbers threatening tell-alls and press conferences on secret liaisons. Here's a tip: Don't get involved with married sports figures! Nothing good comes from this, not even a house on a finger. It's so tawdry.

Wonder if I should wear ripped fishnets and Daisy Dukes to meet the family. JK!

*Just kidding

Changes Dish Likes

Great news: Our favorite bite-size candy George Stephanopoulos might join Good Morning America when Diane Sawyer moves to her evening slot. While I love my little lamb-kebab, I'm still angry at GMA for cancelling on Adam Lambert a 2nd and 3rd time! Luckily, Adam is being exceedingly gracious about having homophobes kick him in the groins. Years ago, I had to suffer through that fat guy on NYPD Blue showing his ass and I'm still not over it. So why ban a boy-on-boy kiss? Enough stewing: I hope George and Robin make a lively pair.

Serious: In exactly 14 days, right at this moment, Dish will trek to JFK to pick up TG. It's been four months of delicious torment with him in Switzerland and me in NYC. I had a memorable but seemingly unremarkable moment with someone who found me 26 years later. I haven't been swept away like this in about 15 years and I truly believed I was "over" relationships. My gratitude overwhelms me that such a special person came back into my life--for however long it lasts. I only say this last part because he's not so into celebrities. Tough bananas for him!

Meredith Baxter Lesbian!

There have been items about Meredith Baxter on a lesbian cruise and photos of her and her girlfriend. It was only a matter of time. Our favorite TV mom and star of salacious Lifetime movies just came out of the closet on The Today Show and Dish got a little choked up. She was articulate, vulnerable and courageous. The more people are truthful about themselves, the better off we all are. I wish I could be part of The Family but I'm not! This doesn't mean I can't scream from the rooftops that everyone should be able to get married and adopt. Even though it's no one's business and who cares, maybe other narrow-minded people who've always loved her will still love her and finally open their eyes. Maybe there will come a point where no one will feel the need to come out. It won't be a big deal. (like in Europe)

If LMN doesn't strategically air her excellent movies (especially the one where she plays the cheated-on wife who then shoots her husband) this weekend, I'll eat my own hair!

Dishbrother Star Sighting!

Starbucks, 93rd and Broadway, where DB spends the bulk of his time opening the door for stars. At 9:40 am DB held the door open for strapping actor Liev Schreiber, who rushed out with his joe. When asked about Schreiber's facial expression, DB responded that Liev looked as if he were thinking: Okay, gotta go. It's going to be an exciting day. There you have it. No eye contact was made. I wondered how DB felt about seeing Liev and he said, "He's no Chris Noth."

Dish wouldn't mind colliding with Liev and Chris at Starbucks.