Happy Birthday, Matt Damon

Dish honors a friend who is Matt Damon's secret soulmate. Today, our Lord of Damonetics turns 40. To show our devotion, let Dish refer to some of the commandments of this forty-year-old religion:

Thou shalt not worship false Damons.

Thou shalt not make a movie like The Legend of Bagger Vance again.

If thou feelst the needst to impregnate the L person, do so thrice, but nevermore.

Thou shalt not use the Damon's name in vain.

Thou shall think of Matt during special alone times.

The Brothers Grimm, not so much, but appreciated.

Thou shalt covet thy Damon's life.

Thou shalt pretend to understand the movie Dogma.

Catching Up on Dexter

There is so little news, I'm speechless. Demi/Ashton - Open marriage? Jessica Simpson blew her cookies on a boat. Pictures of Tom Cruise filming MI: IV reveal saggy boobies and a slim layer of gut flab. He always did have a strange rib-cage. Jay Leno and Seth McFarlane made some tacky oral sex reference about Christine O'Donnell, not surprising since Leno is classless. My veil arrived and it is a lunch lady hairnet. I will put bling in my hair instead. Suffice it to say: Another long week ends. I work, TG works, and by evening, I'm comatose and staring at TV.

At first, I resisted Dexter but now I'm hooked. Plowing through Season 4 and now TG can't get enough either. I know the big twist, which means I won't have as many nightmares. Such a good show.

Vacation.

Every Tom, Dick and Franco

So busy with work, wedding and treadmilling. Now I have to keep up with all the celebs making videos for gay youth and bullying. Stars should make the videos because they are teachers--they've been through it, have more influence than anyone. If George Clooney does a telethon for gay youth, I'm not holding back. I will fake being a teen in crisis. Talking to Jack Nicholson or Jennifer Aniston will cure me.

Dish is reading Andrew Morton's unauthorized biography of Tom Cruise. Bottom line: He's WAY less interesting than Angelina. Have not gotten to the Mimi or Nicole years yet. Mostly, he had dicky father, turned into a big control freak pain in the ass--not surprising. I went to school with a million Toms. Not sure if I ever believed the gay rumors.

Go to http://www.terrysdiary.com/ to see James Franco in drag. Yes, very interesting. It's one thing after the next, with him, isn't it?

Logo's The A-List

Okay, Gays, I have a hard thing to discuss: How bad is The A-list, which premiered last night on Logo? Imagine Dish, more than excited. Finally, a real housewives show with real divas from her town. Now, 24 hours later, I shudder to think of how my eyes were violated by this offensive cliché of gay New York. First of all, the term "A-List" is so embarrassingly passé, someone should be fired. Also, 90% of the gay world is A-list so just using the term is redundant. And how dare you--producers--put this dull, tired poster of hunk-masters playing in a pool to advertise this travesty. I know some men who'd fit into this poster, but many gays aren't all about being gay. Or at least, they have jobs, carry on real conversations, do menial tasks outside of the facials, massages and celeb-air-kissing. Not every mo is swishy! This show makes New York and gays looks terrible!

We've seen the gay stereotypes (assistant, bff, stylist, confidant, wedding planner) on all the other reality TV shows related to fashion and celebrity. This show repeats the same boring sh*t! The guys featured are barely likeable (except Ryan and Derek who are 100% wretched)--just not original, except for maybe the photographer who might sport complexity and 1/2 a brain. Show us something different, Logo, and relevant--something with pride.

--An Angry Hag in NYC

Dish Stream of Consciousness

Male manicurist, Phil Collins in the background--so genius, raining and I don't want to venture out in my high heels, falling happens often for Dish, nails look super-fab, but so disappointed about last night's The Nora Walker Show: Epic shocking denouement, she's a florist, not a lesbian, a Boniva taker, not a flying nun. Would be so refreshing for Sally to be a lez, but then no more bfs, as with Lindsay (a girl's name, come on, England) from Chariots of Fire and Danny "I'm too old for this sh*t" Glover, Jon Tenney (called me for my 40th birthday) and Such-a-Treat Williams. It doesn't make the stomach turn like all the closeups on CNN's Parker/Spitzer. Who are we kidding, it's Spitzer/Parker and she is barely a dust ruffle. Spitzer is back, Jack. TG and I ralph daily over how this world is in shambles but we make no generic claim of moving to Canada like other faux-bohemian-affluent-liberal acquaintances. You know who you are, but then, you don't read this because celebrity is pitiful (we say delicious). Will do peace march for all transgressions, including freedom of thought. The smile is back and so is Ben & Jerry's Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream.

Bright light: Bill Maher's Christine O'Donnell footage--though it is more silly than damning. Dish was in love with Sonny Bono at age five. I once tried to make an empty chalk carton rise from the power of thought--maybe that was more recent. The only people who might take O'Donnell seriously don't watch Maher.

A Slow News Day

I remember where I was when the plane few into the Hudson in 2009. Do you? Now, Captain Sully's heroic landing will turn into a movie, starring some lucky actor. Hmmm. My top pick from the list is Harrison Ford (for box office) and William H. Macy (for pure acting chops). Probably the latter because he needs an Oscar, STAT. The problem is: How do you make this into a 90-minute movie?

Lastly, the world's most talentless couple, Heidi and Spencer, are no longer divorcing. We saw that coming last year.

Alerte de Terror? Diarrhée De La Bouche!

Quel coincidence qu'il y aura maybe un petit terrorist warning pour les Americans overseas--une month before la merde hits the fan and le power retourne aux constipes Republicans (c'est inevitable). C'est un power ploy, n'est-ce pas? Je suis ALL FOR the reverse dans la maison because cela cause un two-term president comme avec Clinton et W.

CNN commentator Rick Sanchez a dit que Jon Stewart est un bigot et uttered anti-semitic remarques. Dish sera un Jew par marriage dans 3 months, alors, je suis tres hurt par ses stupides utterances. Mon future peuple a suffered enough. Son career est finished. Mais Elliot Spitzer couche avec un prostitute et il va être a la télé. Bravo, CNN.

Thank God This Week Is Over

It was full of news, mostly bad news. New York's Republican candidate for governor Carl Paladino showed himself to be a thug. Reminds me a little of a former New York mayor. Too many suicides among gay teens--at least reported. So many suffer in silence. Dish is far too close geographically to the Rutgers suicide and feels that those two voyeuristic jackasses committed a hate crime. It boggles my mind that anyone would violate another person like that but it happens every day.

On a happier note, Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson hits Broadway in two weeks. It's a hip, sexy, fun show and people should go see it. According to the Post, there are funding problems. Who else is having funding problems?

Tonight is a bust. Tried to watch A Single Man, but TG started hitting himself, a sign of extreme boredom--even with Mr. Darcy's presence. So I put on something else, but that didn't please him either. I like A Single Man so far, FYI, JJ. After constant wedding stuff, work, no time to breathe, I just want an Advil and sleep.