Dish's Daily Tarot

5 of Cups: You’ve left behind a long string of exes (I won’t call you any names rhyming with “glut”) and could use a rest. Take heart, you are in such a good place right now, you’re not about to Google or Facebook stalk them. Unworthy people will no longer take big chunks out of your heart. You can feel better things are in store for you.

Why Do I Keep Buying Nail Polish When I Know I’m Getting My Claws Done in a Salon?

The Brothers & Sisters finale: lame but Dish got misty when Sarah’s father walked her down the aisle. Nice thing for a father to do. And Sarah had TWO fathers. I pretend that my father is Donald Sutherland from Pride & Prejudice. No need to continue with this show unless Dish and J.J. are cast.

So much drama around Star Jones. If she didn’t exist, the world would be duller. I love/hate her, too. She’s gone through hell in her life, but she’s also contributed to that hell. Not sure whose side I’m on in the NeNe feud–probably NeNe. Now, Star’s ex Al Reynold’s wants 50K because she broke their agreement and trash-talked him on TV. I’d do the same thing, Al!

Now let’s talk about knocked up January Jones. The rumor mill is that Michael Fassbender is the babydaddy. Who dat? Did a Google search and he is handsome enough for our January. A very exciting time for her and I hope she keeps mum on the father. Say it’s The Lord. That’s what Dish would do.

Hellcats: I’m putting off watching last night’s episode until I can’t stand it anymore. There should be lots of making out between our Gale and the blonde. Deliciousness! Watch these whores for yourself: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=57Qiydd0CqM. Is it just Dish or does it seem strange for him to be kissing a woman? My QAF fever hasn’t broken yet. It’s only been 6 years since the show ended…

Broadway Spiderman gets a reboot. Here’s a lifelong secret: I mostly hate Bono and Sting. It’s not politically correct, but I do. I also hate Bob Dylan, the Grateful Dead, Joni Mitchell and Neil Young.* There, I said it. I hear their music and think WTF is that? I hate Bono the most with his groovy sunglasses and highly publicized do-gooder ways, hate Sting less because I actually saw Sting and The Police in concert in 2007. Seeing them live filled me with euphoria, even in the stinky, claustrophobic Giants stadium. Sting’s voice always sounded like a rat’s nails scratching along pipe, but in concert, his singing was akin to hypnotic wind chimes playing in heaven. I’m still a little transported when I hear “Message in a Bottle.”

*I’m sure they hate me too. Or rather they wouldn’t waste the energy. I don’t really hate them, PC Police!

Maybe She Got Tired of His Alleged Groping Other Women

Maria Shriver and Arnord Schwarzegger are separating. It seems like a good thing, though I could see the chemistry between them. So much scandal attached to this marriage. J.J. definitely has an opinion about all this. I hope he comments! I wish Maria Shriver health and happiness during this "transition."

If you're blue, this will cheer you up: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JmcA9LIIXWw. Mississippi 1870, bahahaha!

Bill Maher was the type of pinhead in high school I always tried to get to like me, but he never gave me the time of day (thank goodness!). He still makes me laugh so hard: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJRjbALKwBw.

Courtney Love and Michael Pitt dating? At first when I saw the pic, I thought Pitt was Gale (they look a bit similar and acted in the same flickipoo together) and it was too close for comfort. Saw Pitt on the street once and he looked out of it, but sweet.

Bieber hurled between songs during his concert. Celebrity barfing is really difficult for me to imagine or bear.

Dish's Daily Tarot

Temperance: How very Caroline Ingalls of you. Others may go bananas from hours of plowing the fields but you work it and never lose your dignity on crazy emotions. Your sunkissed face, battered prairie skirt, and serene smile make you easy breezy beautiful Cover Girl.

High School Reunion This Weekend. What to Wear?

Desperate Housewives: Coma-time, but I keep watching. Someone needs to die. Only excitement is flirtation between Bree and the cop. If they don't boink soon, I might fall asleep.

Whitney Houston is in outpatient rehab, a good alternative since in-house rehab doesn't seem to work for celebs. Whitney, we're ready for a resurrection. Don't let those pipes go to waste.

Nene left Celebrity Apprentice and Trump says she's a quitter. More like a winner for getting away from Mr. Furry-red-bonnet. Just say no to awful people! I don't watch C.A. though enjoyed it a few years ago, in the days when Jesse James seemed to have integrity and was married to Sandra.

Justin Bieber allegedly a "brat" on CSI, which has started a feud with Marg Helgenberger. If I lost my adolescence to superstardom, I might be a brat too. Love Marg! Hope the Bieber fans don't go after her.

Colin Hanks joins the cast of Dexter Season 6. Celeb-spawn are often so worthless, though Dish thinks Colin lives up to his father's hype and makes some very good, careful choices. Here's a trailer for the next season, though it reveals nothing. My butt could have made it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVApgr1Mqto.

Dish's Daily Tarot

2 of Pentacles (Reversed): You're like Sally Allbright today, not the fun one who fakes an orgasm in a deli, but the one who's buried under her own anal retentive lists. Time for a metaphorical enema.

Star Sighting--Geraldo Rivera!!!

5/7/11, 10:58pm at WTC: Dishbrother sees Geraldo and writes, "zzzzz." Using sibling-psychic-powers I translate this as: Geraldo hasn't changed his look in 35+ years. My main question is What Was Dishbrother doing at WTC at 10:58pm???

Dish's Daily Tarot

Strength: You have big hairy ones.