If You Only Knew the Trash I Was Reading...

No, not Fifty Shades (zzzz), but Heaven and Mel by Joe Ezsterhas (who penned Basic Instinct), the story of how Mel and Joe were supposed to collaborate on The Maccabees until Mel showed his crazy side (which we've all heard). The book is nicely written in some areas, poorly in others, especially toward the end. I got the feeling he rushed this off, got a proofreader to catch typos and slapped it onto CreateSpace. But it's got good dirt and Dish loves the crazy celebs!
 
Speaking of, Catherine Zeta Jones went back into treatment for her bipolar II, which sounds fairly sane to me. I applaud her for knowing what she needs and getting help. We've never seen her throw a hissy. In fact, can I go, too, to this civilized place? I don't think I need treatment maybe a little but I can make it fun for other celebrities. I'll read tarot cards, conduct knitting classes and facilitate karaoke.

Bruce Jenner was topless in Greece. I saw the pictures. And now I can't sleep.

That is all.

Jason Collins Is My Hero!

I troll the web for Blind Items and found one a few weeks ago that said a pro athlete would be coming out of the closet soon. I prayed that it might be Derek Jeter or the Tebow guy since that would shock our shorts off. I was so happy that ANY male athlete would come out so powerfully. Jason Collins of the Washington Wizards has giant, hairy balls and I hope he feels this rush of global love and support.

Some things I'd like to get off my chest:

Really, The Good Wife? Why do you try to create chemistry between Alicia and Will when Chris Noth is so much hotter? I'm sorry, but Juliana and Chris together make fire.Will is far too vanilla.

Teen Mom Farrah Abraham has sold her sex tape, Backdoor Teen Mom. This is a shining moment for a mother. I've never been prouder of my baby girl.

Amber Heard and Johnny Depp. I don't blame him one bit. She is a goddess. I know I might be assassinated for this, but I never got why he's so desirable. Do you? I was born without the Johnny Depp Lust gene. I am a mutant.

I Might Be Back From My Hiatus

I'm dipping back into the land of celebrities and, let me say, I'm not impressed. Sure, Michael Jordan getting married is great, but it's not exciting to me when an athlete marries a model. They need love, too, so I hope they experience great joy. Maybe I do care a little.

Stephen Colbert is a genius here and here -- mostly everywhere.

Clint Eastwood and his wife might be having marital troubles. I would think talking to an empty chair in front of the world might stir a pot of crazy in a relationship. I keep thinking what I would do if TG did this. I'd be embarrassed, perhaps searching for some medical ailment (old age). Clint is just dotty, like DishCat, who now meows to himself behind the couch, a sign of senility and kitty constipation. This all gives me a little PTSD. In any case, Mrs. Eastwood--allegedly--has checked herself into rehab for anxiety and depression, which sounds perfectly understandable to me. LeAnn Rimes did rehab for Twitter anxiety. I need rehab too for my issues, which include 1. No upper body strength 2. Insomnia 3. I like to lie on my couch and watch TV for days 4. I impulse purchase makeup 90% of the time I walk into a Duane Reade 5. I'm turning into a strange middle-aged woman. Sometimes, I don't recognize myself. 6. I purposely don't fill up the water jug because I know it irritates TG and I like it when he yells at me for it. He makes a big deal out of how it dries up the Brita filter. I need help!

News of Famous for Being Famous:

1. Kimberly Stewart (daughter of Rod and Benicio Del Toro one-night stand babymama) might be boinking Harry Styles, which must piss off Taylor Swift! It's really, really upsetting to me that Kimberly is seen as a cougar (at 34), but she kinda is since Harry is barely legal. Just by being born into a certain family, she has had such good romantic opportunities.
2. Kim Kardashian's pregnancy: These last several months, she hasn't seemed happy, not like she was with Kris Humphries. Some people don't like being preggo and I think the whole Kanye relationship is BS. Must be hard for her.

The White House Correspondents dinner was pretty funny. Conan and Obama need to put out an album.

My Book...

...is done. But now I have another conference to attend.

April is kicking my ass. I am kicking it right back.

(Can you believe Half Pint married the Gingie on Thirtysomething?)

One Chapter Left...

...and my book is done.

And back to celebrities -- full-time.

Goodbye, Chrissy Amphlett

This song was very empowering to me when it first came out, not because of the sexy lyrics so much as it captured a ballsyness I needed in 1991.

So sad to lose this divine singer.

Reese and Her Husband Arrested...

for Disorderly Conduct and DUI respectively? WTF? I thought they were perfect. Though between you and me, I can see her throwing a huge hissy with the cops: "Do you know who I am, Officer?" "You're going to wish you hadn't done this." "I'm going to have you freaking fired with one phone call." "We were profiled."

Dish Deep Thoughts.

I am on the road. My journey was delayed by Boston events and it was difficult to think of anything else. Now I see the last one was captured. I'm in adrenaline mode, thinking affectionately of Boston even though I never want the Red Sox to win. No celebrity thoughts for me aside from the home of Matt and Ben.

But I did stop to learn that the Kardashian-Humphries will finally end.