Jason Collins Is My Hero!

I troll the web for Blind Items and found one a few weeks ago that said a pro athlete would be coming out of the closet soon. I prayed that it might be Derek Jeter or the Tebow guy since that would shock our shorts off. I was so happy that ANY male athlete would come out so powerfully. Jason Collins of the Washington Wizards has giant, hairy balls and I hope he feels this rush of global love and support.

Some things I'd like to get off my chest:

Really, The Good Wife? Why do you try to create chemistry between Alicia and Will when Chris Noth is so much hotter? I'm sorry, but Juliana and Chris together make fire.Will is far too vanilla.

Teen Mom Farrah Abraham has sold her sex tape, Backdoor Teen Mom. This is a shining moment for a mother. I've never been prouder of my baby girl.

Amber Heard and Johnny Depp. I don't blame him one bit. She is a goddess. I know I might be assassinated for this, but I never got why he's so desirable. Do you? I was born without the Johnny Depp Lust gene. I am a mutant.

Scandal Is the New Smash!

I have another guilty pleasure, along with crappy Smash. I never intended to watch Scandal since Shonda Rhimes creation Grey Anatomy bores me with its implausible plots. Scandal is even worse! Kerry Washington plays this crabby situation fixer who trusts her gut and banters with her crew like an Aaron Sorkin script. She's all about the riot act. Oh and one more thing, she has this tormented relaysh with THE FREAKING PRESIDENT!!! Everyone's heard of Olivia because she's so kickass, though has no fun in her personality, which makes her kinda one-note. You can tell she's good at her job because her delivery is so deadpan. I wish I could stop watching it. I just can't get enough of White House scandals and Tony Goldwyn is well-cast, though reminds me of prep school headmaster.

Then I caught up with The Good Wife and it seems Matthew Perry will be on for a while. Alan Cumming let his gelled shock of dark hair fall boyishly over his face while in bed with Parker Posey. Adorbs!

A source came forward to tell me that Person of Interest films in a certain hood often and they always leave behind the biggest pile of sh*t behind. My source has complained with the city. Other shows are so much cleaner and respectful.

Beyonce's Baby Is Here!

Oh, and Jay-Z might have had something to do with it. A little girl Blue Ivy Carter arrived at some point via C-section. The celebs never disappoint with the quirky names, though this one is kinda pretty. The BeyonZ marriage/pregnancy/birth was shrouded in secrecy, which Dish respects. But...doesn't it take a whole lot of effort to be so private? I gave up privacy a long time ago, though I'm not a celebrity. Yet.

The Good Wife's Alan Cumming married his sweetheart. The picture is positively joyous. Keep those same sex marriages coming. The more these buffoon Republicans (except for Huntington and Ron Paul who are intelligent but unelectable) see that gay marriage is real and unstoppable, the more they will shut the hell up and get with the times.

TG and I are having a quiet night at home, watching the latest Snapped and eating butterscotch/chocolate blondies with milk #f$#cknewyearsresolutions.

Happy Birthday, J.J.!!!!!

Why I love J.J. (who is freakishly old today):

He's very good-looking and resembles Hugh Jackman, but with an edge.

He's one of the few who can handle my huge red hair, but he curses all the way through the appointment.

He calls me a c*nt, which no one has ever done and he seems to appreciate the irony.

His hyperbole is not to be missed: "_____ was the best film in cinema." "Her feet were so deformed, they looked like penises!"

He is always himself. Nothing more, nothing less. And you always want more.


In more unimportant news: Madonna's brother living under a bridge. It's still bigger than my apartment. Walking home today, I could feel that special Duran Duran magic under the cement. I know exactly where they are, but I am civilized...and I am sick so I went directly home. The sad thing is that I am very under the weather and I will be inconsolable if I can't rally for tomorrow's concert. TG might have to go in my place.

You know Neal Schon and Michaele Salahi are going to get their own reality show. Jail-bait Courtney and Doug were kicked out of the pumpkin patch for being inappropriate.

Desperate Housewives: Lynette and Tom belong together. All the housewives are going to jail, just like in Seinfeld.

The Good Wife: Julianna's maroon suit was to die for. The evil wife-killer reminds me of an ex. Feel that Alan Cummings should be my new best friend.

That is all.

Pigs are flying!

Gene Simmons married Shannon Tweed after twenty-eight years. If this can happen, what are the chances George Clooney will also get married again, after being so adamantly against it. Though Dish feels there are those who are perfectly happy not getting married (hello, Goldie and Kurt/Brangelina!). Nothing wrong with that! Mazel to Mr. and Mrs. KISS.

Tonight is the premiere of Dexter. Dish wonders what the big deal will be. How will they top their game? Edward James Olmos joined the cast. He can be really good or really acty so we'll see. Also, I'm eager to see if the divorce has any impact on the relationship between Dex and his "sister." Must be awkward. And The Good Wife. I still think the sexual chemistry between Noth and Margulies is more powerful but will suspend disbelief that she and Josh Charles are hot and heavy. Christine Baranski rules.

Today's Duran Duran video, I think made by a fan: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gpoyLxWyOqQ. This one makes Dish cry.

The Sick House

What do you do when you're under the weather and shouldn't go out? You watch eight episodes of The Good Wife, listen to "Before the Rain" five times in a row and then troll for dirt. American Pie's Jason Biggs's wife wrote about hiring a hooker to spice up their year-long marriage: http://www.thesmokingjacket.com/humor/jenny-and-her-husband-get-a-whore This is a family show, though Dish found this entertaining. It's too easy to judge so I'll just say Mazel Tov to the satisfied couple. I'm glad TG and I are too co-dependent, paranoid and neurotic to make that kind of effort or spend the money.

I did more high-brow reading too. Like the profile on Naomi Watts in More magazine. Last year, I put Cosmo down forever because FYI I'm not 26 anymore and the quizzes started to run together. The Office's brilliant Mindy Kaling wrote a funny piece about romantic comedies in The New Yorker: http://www.newyorker.com/humor/2011/10/03/111003sh_shouts_kaling?currentPage=all. See? I read. Will start re-reading Choderlos de Laclos's Les Liaisons Dangereuses tonight...in French. That's right.

Oh, and Nicole Ritchie has new tatas.

Finally: 15 days until TG and I witness the majesty of Duran Duran in our nation's capital--though Dish might be seeing it alone due to a scheduling conflict. Dish on the loose at the concert? Yikes.