I'd Know Those Obama Ears Anywhere!

After announcing his stance on gay marriage, of course the Prez would do a drive by in Chelsea. After O's speech, TG came home just in time to stand by the barricade with me and watch Obama go by. The windows were slightly tinted but Dish had her spidey sense so saw/felt the power of those gigantic ears. What was he doing in Chelsea? Going to Loehmann's to get 'Chelle a nice new purse on sale...or perhaps sauntering over to Splash?

Did you read about the alleged feud between Oprah and Michelle? It's easy to pit these two titans against each other. The media loves to watch girls feud. I always wondered what Michelle thought of Oprah's influence on her hub but the idea that the two women would be jealous of one another. Pullleuuuse. It's someone's wet dream...though perhaps totally true.

In between deliriums, I accidentally stumbled on the last night's finale of Desperate Housewives. TG kept saying, "This is excellent. So tightly written." Especially disturbing were the makeout scenes between Bree and Quantum Leap. I don't know why. Middle-aged hanky panky isn't as sexy to watch as geezer sex. For two hours, we didn't get much of a bang until the end with some lovely cameos and a goose-pimply last 30 seconds. I loved the brief return of Dana Delaney, though waited and waited and waited for Gale Harold to come back and whisk That Woman away from her boring grieving over the boring plumber. I guess the ending was satisfying.

Many shows just got canceled: Most significantly GBC, Pan Am, Awake, Bent, Harry's Law, CSI: Miami, The Finder, Ringer, and The Secret Circle.

The greatest question for our time: What will Gale Harold do now??? They should have just had Gale do the entire show and get rid of those pesky witchy teens. It would have been a hit.

Will spend the night researching and confirming whether or not Charlize and Fassbender are dating. Talk about utter cuteness.

Sneaking in Smash While Husband Asleep!

When I put on Fashion Police, TG went out for a walk. Then, as I geared up for Smash, he went into the bedroom with his sleeping device (thick book on France). I try to keep my guilty pleasures secret, but after my foot massage, my manicure, the pampering is seeping out.

Smash brought in Bernadette Peters, who stole the damn thing in 90 seconds. My eyes also filled during "Everything's Coming Up Roses." Then, we know how much Dish loves Geezer Sex. If we play our cards right, Anjelica Huston's going to knock knees with the bartender hunk from All My Children. Please let this happen. If it doesn't work out between them, bring in Geezer Emeritus Christopher Plummer to sex Anjelica silly.

In other news, Kim Zolciak and Adriana Lima are preggo again! Those VS models are the embodiment of Astarte, the goddess of fertility. Dr. Conrad Murray is allegedly having explosive diarrhea in jail due to prison food. Maybe they're feeding him Grape Nuts and Kale, Drano for the intestines. Kirk Cameron alleges that he loves all people. He doesn't hate anyone. What about Hitler?

Now Dish is going to get serious.

What Did You Think of Last Night's Desperate Housewives?

I won't give away what happened, but let's just say Dish has waited for this character to get killed off for years. He or she was nice enough but who wants real life on their televisions? Now, if only a few more would die. Bring back Gale Harold and Nicollette!

It seems Halle Berry is really engaged to her Frenchie Olivier Martinez who used to date Kylie Minogue. We all remember him as the one who brought desperate housewife Diane Lane back to sexual arousal and then he got clocked with a snow globe by Richard Gere. Congrats, you crazy enfants!

So, Jon Hamm called Kim Kardashian an effing idiot and she called him "careless" for dissing her. I swear, Twitter and FB has made it impossible to talk bitchily behind someone's back.

Okay, I'm watching The Bachelor. Must watch Ben make the biggest mistake of his life.

21 Jump Street? What's Next, Hill Street Blues?

TG and I took a walk in the sunshine, though our vision of the 21 Jump Street movie poster blocked the light. At first, I pulled my hair, beat my chest with outrage. How could Channing Tatum and Seth Rogen try remake a legendary TV show starring Johnny Depp and Peter DeLuise (who was my favorite over JD)? And by Seth Rogen, I mean Jonah Hill. No offense to Tatum and Hill, whom I like. It just looks slapped together in this age of mediocrity. Then I saw the trailer. Now I *know* it's not like the original show and it's WORSE than mediocre (and that I'll see it because maybe it's a little funny to see the goober and the stud go at it in a buddy movie since that's original).

I'm hearing rumors of a death of Desperate Housewives but I have it on pause since TG is on the phone. He likes the show, too, but feigns indifference. He just caught me with my face in a jar of peanut butter. Not my finest moment.

Julia Doesn't Go Full-British, Thank Zeus!

Nervous breakdown averted. At the bar last night, Dishbrother broke the news that Julia sports a British accent in Mirror, Mirror. After Mary Reilly, the idea gave me the shakes. I needed a Chivas, pronto! Then I saw this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kpLVO396eHs. It's not British--or at least it starts out British then goes back to clipped American. Phew...She'll be perfect as always. Crisis no longer. We don't like the accents, Jules. And what did I say about Armie Hammer becoming a star? Here's proof. His voice is much like that of Brendan Fraser (where is he?).

Bee Gee Robin Gibb is suffering from liver cancer. He and Barry are the last Gibbs left. Hold on, fella! We like our music icons healthy and amongst us.

Desperate Housewives tonight. Here's what will happen: the girls agonize about the murder. Jonathan Cake torments Bree. Wasted because she's back to guzzling her Pinot like most Housewives, real or otherwise, Bree rallies the girls to continue charade. Vanessa Williams is slutty and sassy. Gabby has to break Carlos out of rehab because of some lame crisis. Tom starts to miss Felicity. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. I'll be watching Dexter instead (but will catch up via Hulu).

Happy Birthday, J.J.!!!!!

Why I love J.J. (who is freakishly old today):

He's very good-looking and resembles Hugh Jackman, but with an edge.

He's one of the few who can handle my huge red hair, but he curses all the way through the appointment.

He calls me a c*nt, which no one has ever done and he seems to appreciate the irony.

His hyperbole is not to be missed: "_____ was the best film in cinema." "Her feet were so deformed, they looked like penises!"

He is always himself. Nothing more, nothing less. And you always want more.


In more unimportant news: Madonna's brother living under a bridge. It's still bigger than my apartment. Walking home today, I could feel that special Duran Duran magic under the cement. I know exactly where they are, but I am civilized...and I am sick so I went directly home. The sad thing is that I am very under the weather and I will be inconsolable if I can't rally for tomorrow's concert. TG might have to go in my place.

You know Neal Schon and Michaele Salahi are going to get their own reality show. Jail-bait Courtney and Doug were kicked out of the pumpkin patch for being inappropriate.

Desperate Housewives: Lynette and Tom belong together. All the housewives are going to jail, just like in Seinfeld.

The Good Wife: Julianna's maroon suit was to die for. The evil wife-killer reminds me of an ex. Feel that Alan Cummings should be my new best friend.

That is all.

Desperate is not Serious

Desperate Housewives. Really bad. Someone who deserved to die died and now the wives are desperate to cover it up even though none of them did it. Plot hole city! What do you do when a show is flailing? Bring in the hunks. Enter the Scottish rogue who turned down Vanessa Williams. Throughout the whole episode, Dish kept thinking: this show needs Susan Lucci STAT! She better come quick because I don't know if I can stand any more. Saw first few minutes of Pan Am--great costumes, just okay.

Bullying: It's all over the news these days. Where was this furor when I was a kid? I wasn't gay, unathletic, too studious or even odd. I was a redhead! Dish got bullied all the time in middle school. Even today, I deal with adult bullies at least every other day and just swallow my rage. I'm glad that bullies will be ostracized, they're awful but...why all the coddling now when bullies are EVERYWHERE and always have been? Please don't send me hate mail. I am heartbroken that kids are committing suicide over bullies. I'm just bitter because fat little J_____ didn't get thrown in jail for making my life miserable. Though I did kick his voluminous butt one day when I'd reached my limit, even though he outweighed me by 100 pounds and had slower reflexes. Maybe there does need to be more policing since kids have more lethal weapons today...and they use them. With Lady GaGa involved, something might get done.

Dish is seeing Moneyball at the Director's Guild tonight. Excited! Love movies involving sports.

Star Sighting--Joan from Say Yes to the Dress!!!

At around 9am at my deli, I kept a reasonable distance while listening to every word, "An egg on 7 grain toast..." is what Joan ordered. Gotta get that combo of protein and carbs and fiber--good for her! She looked slick in a black pantsuit and pressed hair.

Biggest shocking news: that Kat Von D and Jesse James have split again--even before they had a chance to take Dish's elocution lessons (derrr, like, whoa, derr). My main rules are: 1. Never go back to an ex. 2. Never date/marry an athlete. With so many fabulous decades ahead of her, Kat Von D already has impressive skills and business savvy. I wish her the best in life, love and moisturizing lipsticks. My feeling is that she dodged a bullet.

Tonight: Desperate Housewives, Pan Am (hard to accept Christina Ricci on TV but she's so coquette). Will Pan Am make me feel better about flying, enough so that I could go to Paris next year? I have True Grit from Netflix, which TG had wanted to see. Will wait a week and if he doesn't ask to watch, I'll send it back. It looks like True Sh*t. The Secret Circle has disappointed me with its slowness and teen guy-liner. Gale needs to get off the teen shows and plunge into a sexy drama. Queer As Folk: The Movie!

22 days until Duran Duran in DC. TG is plotzing.

Director Madonna for a Day

I did a lot of filming today, only this time I was behind the camera. I have new respect for anyone involved in movie production. It is grueling work that kills your feet and saps all energy. Then there's editing, which I will have to learn licketty split. Prayers that the outcome is a good one. I went beyond my limit just a bit and did not do half-assed work. All while nursing a cold.

Regarding celebrities, I know nothing today, other than Desperate Housewives fallout. Something about a recession, plunging stock market, financial disaster, shows canceled right and left, and Ashton holds up the rear. It's good that TV is being ruthless about programming, though it hasn't stopped hasbeen reality shows from spreading like baby spiders.

Sigh...There is a rift between me and TG over Cowboys & Aliens, which he loved. I'm pretty sure it's not a guy movie since I have some sh$teous action movies in my collection. Maybe he's upset I made him watch Notting Hill. And now I shall retire. Tomorrow I'll be back with dirt.

Star Sighting --Emily Bergl!!!

I crashed into the Chelsea Le Pain Quotidien at 5:10pm. I instantly got a whiff of Celebrity. But where was he/she? As I stood in line, I noticed the man in front of me looked an awful lot like Billy Crudup. Then I saw the wedding ring and thought, No, Billy's a serial monogamist, he wouldn't dare marry, not even if she were pregs. My radar turned to the side where I saw a statuesque, smiling blonde doctoring her drink. Of course, it was the lovely pointy-nosed Emily Bergl, who did us all a disservice by donating her kidney to Teri Hatcher on Desperate Housewives!!! How could she? And yet, her pleasant demeanor no doubt fueled by her imminent joy at drinking an organic LPQ beverage--how could I be mad at that?

The vomit story has legs. Kings of Leon now canceled their entire U.S. tour. I guess Gatorade isn't working for Caleb Followill. The baby epidemic is growing as Fantasia reveals she is pregs! No, not the Disney movie that has all that classical music but the American Idol winner who had her own reality show. Cowboys and Smurfs tie for 1st place in the B.O. I'm sure this should be a porn flick. On the same Disney, looney toons vein, Casey Anthony has been ordered back to Orlando.

TG informed me about something related to a debt ceiling.