Holiday Season = More Engagements and Pregnations!

Wynonna Judd engaged to musician Cactus Moses. Congrats, you two! She only has to water him once a month. Michael Jordan is also engaged. Which rock has he been living under these days? If I were like Mike--and who wouldn't want to be--I'd liquify any money that looks especially crisp and then bathe in it. I hear the vapors eliminate toxins and lift the skin.

Kings of Leon member Caleb Followill will be a dad (which one dated Amber Le Bon--that's all Dish cares about. Don't start a family too soon, Amber! We want to see what you can do).

American Idol winner Kelly Clarkson endorsed Republican candidate Ron Paul. Dish loves Ron's crochety old fart ways, and his resemblance to Frasier's dad makes him cute as a button. Sadly for Ron, I will probably vote for the least evil candidate.

I love Mama Gena--just in small doses or else this cynic get an ice cream headache. She has a way of perking a girl up and nudging her in a sexy direction. Here's what this motivating goddess of sensuality has to say about resolutions: http://mamagenas.com/blog/whats-better-than-a-resolution. Dish will make two sets of "desires" -- one for self, one for the stars. Stay tuned.

Star Sighting --Emily Bergl!!!

I crashed into the Chelsea Le Pain Quotidien at 5:10pm. I instantly got a whiff of Celebrity. But where was he/she? As I stood in line, I noticed the man in front of me looked an awful lot like Billy Crudup. Then I saw the wedding ring and thought, No, Billy's a serial monogamist, he wouldn't dare marry, not even if she were pregs. My radar turned to the side where I saw a statuesque, smiling blonde doctoring her drink. Of course, it was the lovely pointy-nosed Emily Bergl, who did us all a disservice by donating her kidney to Teri Hatcher on Desperate Housewives!!! How could she? And yet, her pleasant demeanor no doubt fueled by her imminent joy at drinking an organic LPQ beverage--how could I be mad at that?

The vomit story has legs. Kings of Leon now canceled their entire U.S. tour. I guess Gatorade isn't working for Caleb Followill. The baby epidemic is growing as Fantasia reveals she is pregs! No, not the Disney movie that has all that classical music but the American Idol winner who had her own reality show. Cowboys and Smurfs tie for 1st place in the B.O. I'm sure this should be a porn flick. On the same Disney, looney toons vein, Casey Anthony has been ordered back to Orlando.

TG informed me about something related to a debt ceiling.

Vomit = Exciting Celebrity News

You know you're kewl when u hurl offstage during a concert. Kings of Leon singer, Jared Followill, went barfy barf during a very hot concert in Dallas. He even announced it aheadoftime. I pheel 4 u, bro. Sometimes the heat makes me want 2 yakk 2. Lukkily they reskeded during a kewler time.

More essentials: Ashton Kutcher has a *big* trailer (wink, wink) on the set of 2 and 1/2 Men.

Today's alleged big lie: that Amy Winehouse was in the process of adopting 10-year-old girl from St. Lucia before her death. I'm having myself cloned so that I can be two places at once. My silicone self will have big hairy monkeys flying out of its butt.

Speaking of hair, Dish viewed Rabbit Hole. Nicole Kidman's tresses looked fabulous, and she is her usual statuesque and striking self. Yes, I spent a lot of time examining her face and how it's changed since Birth. Her brow had normal wrinkles, which I found refreshing. The lips have been altered, but not so ass-lips as when she was pregs with Sundae-Brunch. Film is v. sad, as you might predict. Great performances by everyone, including Jon Tenney who had the courage to go shirtless at 50. Overall, a touching "it never goes away but you gotta move on" film about death.