More Burgeoning Bellies in Hollywood

Elizabeth Berkley is preggo! It really makes me ralph how gorgeous celebs remain during the throes of pregnancy. There's speculation that Reese Witherspoon is also with child, though it could be the dress. Is the universe trying to tell Dish something? Gah!

Dish is going through a rough patch (too much work, not enough fun or TLC), but this kind of cheered me up: http://www.mamagenas.com/am-i-crazy/?utm_source=Am%20I%20Crazy%3F&utm_campaign=Am%20I%20Crazy&utm_medium=email
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Women on the verge: I don't begrudge a girl her Republican views but Patricia Heaton has sided with Rush on the "slut" remark, which is anti-woman and so vile from a woman.

More misogyny: Has anyone seen GCB? It looks beyond bad. I've had enough of the Mean Girls/Desperate Housewives/Sex and the City/Real Housewives tired trashy thing. Plus, it seems to denigrate an institution I hold dear, the Southern belle!

Star Sighting--Celia Weston and Mama Gena!!!

2/9/12, 5:25, 59th and Park: Dish was outside a building, engaged in a passionate game of Angry Birds when blonde southern character actress Celia Weston breezed by me. She eyed me suspiciously, as if I were about to accost her for an autograph (good thinking). I do have a mildly deranged look when I'm killing pigs. Dish is happy to report: Celia is a bombshell. Soon after this sighting, I went inside and sat down. Within a few minutes, three other celebrities walked by, one of whom might have been Ginger from Gilligan's Island. This was far too much excitement for me so I stuffed three Altoids in my mouth to keep from screaming, "GINGIE!!!" in ecstasy.

The Mama Gena intro course was so interesting and thought-provoking. Dish is now a huge fan of hers and learned many things:

1. A pink boa alleviates depression, almost immediately. I slept with mine on and while I spat out feathers all night, my dreams were a glorious pink.

2. Mama Gena does positively glow with sensuality and joy, though wearing Prada does that to me, too.

3. Alleviating suffering fully may cost 5K but if you really want to be a goddess, it's worth it. Screw fiscal responsibility! I can't cough up that much but I did splurge on a new Taylor Swift "desire" journal at Papyrus ($19) and all of Mama Gena's books ($30).

4. Woman power is our most untapped resource.

5. The word P*ssy can stand for just about anything, as long as it's female oriented. On that note, my lower P*ssy is in pain from running too hard. P*ssy willing, a good walk home will stretch it out.

What I Learned from Last Night's Criminal Minds

Dean Cain played an insane man who kills people and wins lots of money when he stops sleeping. Dish doesn't sleep either. It may turn me homicidal but at least I'll be rich! And when the stuff goes down, Joe Montegna can sweet-talk me with laughable BS--that I'm not like all the other killers, that the place is surrounded, that he'll "get me out of this." The best part is further confirmation that Garcia has the coolest array of glasses and I want to be her with her delightful pudge, boundless knowledge and zest for life. My purple turtleshell Tom Ford frames may need an upgrade to HOT PINK. Long live Kristen Vangsness!

Tonight Dish is attending Mama Gena's Radical Step Intro Course. I hope it's fun and not just three hours of encouragement to enroll in the program, which costs way too much for Dish's meager pennies. I just wanna see Mama Gena in action and I need to get my groove back. There's a pink boa and French maid's uniform with my name on it!

Divorced couple Michael C. Hall and Jennifer Carpenter caught canoodling again! They're doing Dexter-aholics a mitzvah. We love this couple.

Russell Brand is probably the coolest person ever. He wants none of Katy Perry's money from their marriage (she made 44 million). Can you hear TG crying with confused rage? He would find this deplorable but understandable on a deeper level (maybe that's my wishful thinking).

The Lindsay Lohan downward spiral continues with new pics of her looking about 45 with what appears to be botched work but then my eyes aren't so good.

Holiday Season = More Engagements and Pregnations!

Wynonna Judd engaged to musician Cactus Moses. Congrats, you two! She only has to water him once a month. Michael Jordan is also engaged. Which rock has he been living under these days? If I were like Mike--and who wouldn't want to be--I'd liquify any money that looks especially crisp and then bathe in it. I hear the vapors eliminate toxins and lift the skin.

Kings of Leon member Caleb Followill will be a dad (which one dated Amber Le Bon--that's all Dish cares about. Don't start a family too soon, Amber! We want to see what you can do).

American Idol winner Kelly Clarkson endorsed Republican candidate Ron Paul. Dish loves Ron's crochety old fart ways, and his resemblance to Frasier's dad makes him cute as a button. Sadly for Ron, I will probably vote for the least evil candidate.

I love Mama Gena--just in small doses or else this cynic get an ice cream headache. She has a way of perking a girl up and nudging her in a sexy direction. Here's what this motivating goddess of sensuality has to say about resolutions: http://mamagenas.com/blog/whats-better-than-a-resolution. Dish will make two sets of "desires" -- one for self, one for the stars. Stay tuned.