Mark Sanford Back in Congress

I shouldn't be surprised, though I am this time--and every time. When politicians act like dogs, they get re-elected. This means Anthony Weiner (I would have voted for him before that Twitter thing) is sure to come back into the...um...fold. Everything sounds so dirty! Chris Christie just had lap band surgery, which I've heard involves a stripper sitting on him and stretching her breasts around his stomach. I'm sure he's going to run for Prez in 2016. Getting thin is a precursor to a big run. I'm all for health, as long as it doesn't involve tweeting your nethers!

Upon full examination of the Met Gala fashions, I'm shocked that I loved Kim Kardashian's wallpaper dress. So refreshing to see her in something other than solids. She looked glamorous and stylish. Also, enjoyed Anne Hathaway's blond hair. But what the hell was Ginnifer Goodwin thinking? That scared me.

Smash update and spoiler: I can't quit this show. With each episode, I hate it more and more, even if they bring in Liza and Bernadette Peters. I would give myself a severe bob just for the chance to have Anjelica throw a drink in my face. Karen finally does something interesting and almost sleeps with that Simon Cowell director. But does she allow actual penetration? NO! She's in love with that drugged-out idiot who's got a bad case of me-me-mes. I keep wishing he'd jump off something high, but he continues to act like he has serious lady cramps. Sadly, his BFF--who is one of the few characters I'd love to hang out with in real life (other than Debra Messing because she's fabulous no matter how ugly her clothes are on the show)--gets tossed in front of a car. I want to cancel everything, scream at the television, and I know it's only a matter of time before someone says, "The show must go on." Oh God, please erase this from my brain! (can't wait until next ep)

The Real Housewives of Orange County: Introduction of Lydia's mom who sprinkles fairy dust on strangers and smokes a whole lot of pot. Best thing that ever happened to the show.

It seems Criminal Minds is going through some hardships since two pivotal female characters might be leaving (allegedly) due to crappy contracts. Very screwed up. I don't know what I'd do without my weekly Garcia fashions. My last two pairs of glasses, I purchased with her as inspiration.

What I Learned from Last Night's Criminal Minds

Dean Cain played an insane man who kills people and wins lots of money when he stops sleeping. Dish doesn't sleep either. It may turn me homicidal but at least I'll be rich! And when the stuff goes down, Joe Montegna can sweet-talk me with laughable BS--that I'm not like all the other killers, that the place is surrounded, that he'll "get me out of this." The best part is further confirmation that Garcia has the coolest array of glasses and I want to be her with her delightful pudge, boundless knowledge and zest for life. My purple turtleshell Tom Ford frames may need an upgrade to HOT PINK. Long live Kristen Vangsness!

Tonight Dish is attending Mama Gena's Radical Step Intro Course. I hope it's fun and not just three hours of encouragement to enroll in the program, which costs way too much for Dish's meager pennies. I just wanna see Mama Gena in action and I need to get my groove back. There's a pink boa and French maid's uniform with my name on it!

Divorced couple Michael C. Hall and Jennifer Carpenter caught canoodling again! They're doing Dexter-aholics a mitzvah. We love this couple.

Russell Brand is probably the coolest person ever. He wants none of Katy Perry's money from their marriage (she made 44 million). Can you hear TG crying with confused rage? He would find this deplorable but understandable on a deeper level (maybe that's my wishful thinking).

The Lindsay Lohan downward spiral continues with new pics of her looking about 45 with what appears to be botched work but then my eyes aren't so good.