Jon Tenney Graduates to Centrum Silver!

Dish took notice of this Closer dish in 1990 with Equal Justice. He was my imaginary boyfriend for a couple years, until Keanu Reeves rocked my world with Speed. What does this have to do with the price of pancakes? Today, Jon is much further into his fifties. Happy Birthday, Jon!

Mundane stuff that I'm following: John Kerry is probably going to be Secretary of State. I can totally see this. Current secretary Hillary Clinton got the stomach flu and then fainted and got a concussion. This is her parting gift after working like a dog? Give her a break, Health Fairies!

In trainwrecks, DJ Deadmau5 proposed to Kat Von D on twitter. I love my Ms. Von D, but fear that she always skates too close to the edge when it comes to the XYs. She said yes. I just ordered more of her fabulous lipsticks from Sephora!

An interesting tidbit written by Anonymous (who's written SO much over the last centuries) called Elimination Night about a number one reality show (um, ShmAmerican Shmidol?) and all the shenanigans behind the scenes. A character, like Shmennifer ShmLopez, is a total shmunt and Shmeven ShTyler is a bulge-tweeting letch. Another character resembling Shryan Shmeacrest is allegedly a highly functioning psychopath. I have it on pre-order, filled with joy that some people in the public eye are much more effed up than I am!

Finally, in celeb news, here is Mandy Patinkin losing his sh*t but in a most delightful way.
 
In summation, peace and love to the families who lost their children. I can't even imagine...

There Are No Words...

A picture is worth a thousand chuckles. You don't even need comics. I learned today that that Kim K bought Kanye a Lamborghini for his birthday. TG totally married the wrong woman!

In MeLand: While I love stars, I tend to be disappointed when I meet them in person. There are so many a-holes. To date, the super-non-a-hole exceptions, discovered over several encounters, have been Jon Tenney and Frank Miller who are very friendly in real life. Dish recently encountered a celestial being who seems winning on screen but luckily Dish's age and wisdom helped see the a-hole within. The only time I'd forgive a-hole-itis would be with Julia and DD. Overall, I haven't got time for the pain. Adoration from afar is so much easier on the fragile fan's psyche.

Jon Tenney is 50!!!

And a new resident of Old Fartington. Dishbrother, who just texted him, will be turning 50 next year. I shouldn't gloat because in woman years I'm already 50. We live longer but it all evens out. In the Facebook true age test, I'm 19 -- which is a gleaming pile considering my aches and pains when I get up after sitting too long. If Tom Cruise can scale the world's tallest building and not lose his cookies, we can get through just about anything, even old age.

Some sad news: Famous writer Christopher Hitchens has passed away after a battle with cancer. Indeed sad to lose any person who can be so cantankerous, intelligent, expressive and articulate. Condolences to his family.

Latest holiday depression cure: Whoopi farting on The View:
Made even better by Claire Danes being on the show. (Thanks, TMZ!)

Then Britney got engaged to that sketchy guy with the facial hair. I guess okay. Also, I think TG is getting me jewelry. He's been dropping major hints and I accidentally saw an email exchange between him and the jewelry person. This was exactly how the engagement ring hijinx went down.

Did You Watch the VMAs?

The big news was that Beyonce is preggo. The baby is due in February (which in celeb-speak means January). Dish thinks she looks a little further along than 3 or 4 months. I'm thinking Beyonce is America's sweetheart and has been for a very long time. And preggo or not, she danced her face off on last night's show. So, the VMAs were just okay. Nothing too drastic other than Gaga's being in drag, her monologue and flirting with Britney. I would have loved to see a makeout session but Brit has become very Stepford of late. I guess she doesn't want to shock her "babies." Actually, it would have been funner to see Kanye and Jay Z make out. The VMAs reminded me of how much I love Bruno Mars.

A shocker of a twist: It seems Lost star Matthew Fox punched a woman in Cleveland after she wouldn't let him on her party bus. It's tough once you're no longer on a hit show. Also tough knowing that you're not the greatest actor but can do the good-guy thing really, really well--but so can Jon Tenney and Michael Vartan and Vartan's biggest vice seems to be online poker (which he admitted on Regis and Kelli and, yes, it's sad that I know this). Bad things (and bad TV shows) happen in Cleveland. Punching a woman in face/stomach = in need of serious therapy and, oh, I don't know...JAIL?

Vomit = Exciting Celebrity News

You know you're kewl when u hurl offstage during a concert. Kings of Leon singer, Jared Followill, went barfy barf during a very hot concert in Dallas. He even announced it aheadoftime. I pheel 4 u, bro. Sometimes the heat makes me want 2 yakk 2. Lukkily they reskeded during a kewler time.

More essentials: Ashton Kutcher has a *big* trailer (wink, wink) on the set of 2 and 1/2 Men.

Today's alleged big lie: that Amy Winehouse was in the process of adopting 10-year-old girl from St. Lucia before her death. I'm having myself cloned so that I can be two places at once. My silicone self will have big hairy monkeys flying out of its butt.

Speaking of hair, Dish viewed Rabbit Hole. Nicole Kidman's tresses looked fabulous, and she is her usual statuesque and striking self. Yes, I spent a lot of time examining her face and how it's changed since Birth. Her brow had normal wrinkles, which I found refreshing. The lips have been altered, but not so ass-lips as when she was pregs with Sundae-Brunch. Film is v. sad, as you might predict. Great performances by everyone, including Jon Tenney who had the courage to go shirtless at 50. Overall, a touching "it never goes away but you gotta move on" film about death.

I Was on TV, AGAIN!

Yes, Dish has extended her fifteen minutes of fame. It all has to do with my phenomenal love story and wedding to TG. I'd give you the link, but then I wouldn't be so anonymous (wink, wink).

Also in the news: J.Lo celebrating her 42 years on Earth, gracing us with some very spontaneous killer ab shots. Thanks, Jennifer! Dish would do the same but you'd need sunglasses with how snowy white my belly is.

Amy Winehouse autopsy inconclusive, funeral tomorrow. Her song sales have skyrocketed. Can you just imagine the Amy memorabilia and imitators that will surface?

Right now, TG and I are catching up on our The Closer. He just claimed to have met Alan and Adam Arkin at a party in Bel Air (lie). Now he's yelling at me that I'm not paying attention to Jon Tenney, a fond love of Dish's since he was on Equal Justice. What will we do when we go to Montreal on vacation? We might have to do touristy things and grace the world with our fluent French...