Golden Globes - 1 Day

Apologies for last night. I was with Dishfriendsincediapers, introducing her to the glory that is Jersey Boys (my 7th time, ushers still aren't impressed). John Lloyd Young (aka Dishmama's imaginary boyfriend) returned as Frankie. The show was such fun as usual and Dishfriendsincediapers now understands my mania. It is now hers. Alas, I'm going to be more conservative and go only if absolutely necessary for mood boost possibly next month.

Then today I went to see Chicago because Dishbrotherfriend Ray Bokhour is playing Amos, Roxy's husband. What a great show and Dishbrotherfriend brought the house down with "Mr. Cellophane." The two female leads were also jaw-droppingly amazing. All those foxy Fosse dancers made me want to hit the gym even harder after I eat this pain au chocolat. Can't wait to see it again!

Some big star news: Britney and Jason are no more. This worries me. Who's going to prop Britney up? Dish is volunteering, though Brit would have to move to NYC (Linds is coming too--I could start a day care). I've already started developing lesson plans. Jason Sudeikis and Olivia Wilde are engaged--congrats, can see this. And, everyone is saying that Lance will come clean to Oprah about doping on Monday. I am setting my DVR to "pigs flying out of hell." Oops, sorry, no room, Oprah--The Bachelor and Real Housewives and Bones take precedence. 

Well, tonight I'm just going to keep reading In the Pleasure Groove by Duran Duran's John Taylor. It's addictive! Maybe with all the chapters on his coking out, I'm getting contact coke high? Cannot wait for the section on when John Taylor and Amanda de Cadenet become Mr. and Mrs. Too Gorgeous for Words!

Golden Globes tomorrow. Will miss politically incorrect Ricky Gervais.

A Television Dilemma for the New Year

I already know the answer, but, Dishreaders, I have a problem I'll put out to you, The Universe. Should I watch The Bachelor again premiering on January 7th? I shouldn't but I will for these reasons:

1. Bachelor Sean Lowe looks as if he could be my cousin (on the paternal side), which has an ew factor. BUT I HAVE TO ROOT FOR FAMILY.
2. If I remember correctly, Sean's into Jesus, so I imagine some of the girls will be faking religion, which is a MUST-SEE. Will there be any covert boinking?
3. The cast is more diverse, which makes it politically correct even though the show is basically prostitution, misogynistic and a forum for public humiliation, i.e. read Foucault's Discipline and Punish.
4. I'm going to count how many times someone a. bursts into tears. b. says, "I'm in love with this man." c. says, "This is amazing." and d. says, "It couldn't have gone better."
YES! I WILL WATCH!

Some sad news for two of my faves: Britney Spears might be fired from X Factor for allegedly being too boring. Don't you wonder what happened to her? She seems okay now after a rough time in her 20s but Dish still feels she had psychotic break from post-partum, this based on no knowledge of her life or medical background. Katie Holmes's run in Dead Accounts is ending early, at the beginning of January. Despite this, I have so much hope for her future.

The most manly stars--and Rudy Giuliani--always wind up in drag.

I'm So Confused--Are Ashton and Demi Back Together?

There's talk of secret meetings. New vows of love. I was just getting used to Demi Moore forging ahead, finding her womanity after the demise of her third marriage. I fantasized about her going on The Conversation and Wendy Williams a few times, being all strong yet vulnerable with her glasses, eyes filling because some love never dies. She would go on to make millions producing films and do the occasional Margin Call. She and Courtney Cox would morph into one person.

As for Ashton, he's starting to look like a man. Before the split he resembled the college student I always yearned to date in my teens but didn't until my mid thirties. He has all these great projects in his future. Does he want to go back?

More importantly, I was just getting over this breakup, so the alleged reunion takes me by surprise. I would rather they get back together but there isn't enough Ativan in the world to ease the stress I'll feel day by day (are they okay, having fun, is he hanging with skanky blondes in bars? did they go to their Kaballah meeting). After 7 years, they do seem to have a special kind of love. Fret not. I will buckle down, get out the scotch, and pray that they rediscover the joy in their marriage.

One must always look to Danny Moder and Julia Roberts for marriage spice. They leave "angel cards" for each other around the house. Must get on the stick and do likewise. What is an angel card and how do I find one? Does it fly?

Rumors are a-swirl about Britney reviving crazy behavior on The X Factor. Doing this show might have been a mistake, though the whispers of old Brit might be Simon-hype to bring in viewers. Britney seems to excel in 10-minute increments and judging takes hours and hours. Poor girl.

Congratulations to Cynthia Nixon and Christine Marinoni on their marriage. I love these two gingies.

She's My Hero!

Ryan Seacrest caused a stir by possibly not hosting American Idol due to stomach flu. But now she's my role model because she did the show and now I will too even if I can't breathe due to flowering juniper in the air which turns me into the Scratchy Queen of the Watering Eyes.

In other news, Barack is being groovy with Jimmy Fallon: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vAFQIciWsF4. Barack's a little stiff, but Jimmy and the Roots have it going on.

I'm eager to know what Hershey thought of last night's Glee. Kurt definitely took several stupid pills but let's hope it resulted in lots of spontaneous makeout sessions.

The John Edwards trial seems to be revealing the ick of this man. What could he possibly do except get sh*ttier haircuts to show he's not such an elitist douche.

Happier: Katherine Heigl and Josh adopted again.
Happier still: Jason Trawick is now her Britney Spears's conservator. I want a conservator. I'm tired of writing checks and ordering takeout--I mean, cooking hot meals for my man. Can't someone hire someone to do all this for me? Jason and Papa Spears, your services are needed here. Britney and I would totally get along.

Jon Tenney is 50!!!

And a new resident of Old Fartington. Dishbrother, who just texted him, will be turning 50 next year. I shouldn't gloat because in woman years I'm already 50. We live longer but it all evens out. In the Facebook true age test, I'm 19 -- which is a gleaming pile considering my aches and pains when I get up after sitting too long. If Tom Cruise can scale the world's tallest building and not lose his cookies, we can get through just about anything, even old age.

Some sad news: Famous writer Christopher Hitchens has passed away after a battle with cancer. Indeed sad to lose any person who can be so cantankerous, intelligent, expressive and articulate. Condolences to his family.

Latest holiday depression cure: Whoopi farting on The View:
Made even better by Claire Danes being on the show. (Thanks, TMZ!)

Then Britney got engaged to that sketchy guy with the facial hair. I guess okay. Also, I think TG is getting me jewelry. He's been dropping major hints and I accidentally saw an email exchange between him and the jewelry person. This was exactly how the engagement ring hijinx went down.

Happy Birthday, Britney!

You're really old when Britney Spears hits 30. I remember when she was a provocative teenager! She seems so Stepford now with her craggy old-as-hell BF and father conservatorship. I guess it's better than Batshit Britney.

Have you seen the pics of Daniel Day Lewis as Gaybraham Lincoln? I wonder if he'll be good since he tends to over-act. I've abandoned by child! I've abandoned my boy! Well, missy, why don't you stick a cork in it and brush that hair.

Of course, Taylor Armstrong doing a book. Couldn't you smell that coming? The trailer for next week's RHoBH make her look like a screaming banshee. Epic madness and I think she's just too nuts.

Dish is chilled to the bone and might have caught a bug. Hoping to spend the night under the covers.

Phase 1: Steal Underpants

If anyone knows where this headline comes from (and you're not TG), you win an autographed dish from Dish!

Daniel Craig allegedly called the Kardashians "f*cking idiots" in January's issue of GQ. This James Bond rules. Waiting patiently for him to send Rachel 'round for tea and girl-talk on newlywed bliss, my treat. Ever since The Constant Gardener, I've imagined we're best friends.

Marie Osmond has had some scary facial work done. I love my Marie. She's a faintin' Jenny Craigin' re-marryin'-first-husband Mormon masterpiece goddess. She had me at "Which Way You Goin', Billy" way back in the 70s. I even had the doll with the leafy purple dress. But I hate it when my icons' faces are smoother than mine.

Quickies that are so disturbing I can't delve too deep: Conrad Murray sentenced to four years which is not a lot, the Norway massacre-er deemed insane like what was your first clue, Alexis from RHoOC got a nose job and looks just like everyone else thank jebus, Britney Spears is reading a book and it's a funny thing that deals with things about love, Herman Cain rethinking his campaign after another woman comes forward about wayward wang tendencies--which makes the Republicans an even more fun bunch, Miranda Kerr on Dish-Sh*t-List for ALSO claiming she was ugly growing up. Boo!

RIP, Patrice O'Neal, leaving this earth too soon at 41.

You are NOT Joyce DeWitt!

As I write this, KK must be flying back to the US to face her subjects. Dish watched the interviews and she did look a little shell-shocked--but fabulous skin and gloss! What's making bigger news is Kris Jenner's utterly awful "Indian Giver" comment on The Today Show. Along with the Native Americans, we Little People are offended that she would scoff at someone wanting a 2 million dollar ring back. Does she have any idea how wretched her comment was on many levels? The best managerial advice Dish could give is to go away for a while and then come back. Britney did it. Lindsay's gotta do it too.

Rumor has it Billy Crudup and Grace Gummer, both in Tom Stoppard's Acadia, are an item. A powerful coupling that brings him ever so close to Claire Danes, who's acted in a few films with Grace's moms Meryl. For me, it's a fairly worthy alliance as Billy C. stole Eat Pray Love.

Porky's actor Wyatt Knight was found dead of an apparent suicide. Blessings on his coming and going.

Did You Watch the VMAs?

The big news was that Beyonce is preggo. The baby is due in February (which in celeb-speak means January). Dish thinks she looks a little further along than 3 or 4 months. I'm thinking Beyonce is America's sweetheart and has been for a very long time. And preggo or not, she danced her face off on last night's show. So, the VMAs were just okay. Nothing too drastic other than Gaga's being in drag, her monologue and flirting with Britney. I would have loved to see a makeout session but Brit has become very Stepford of late. I guess she doesn't want to shock her "babies." Actually, it would have been funner to see Kanye and Jay Z make out. The VMAs reminded me of how much I love Bruno Mars.

A shocker of a twist: It seems Lost star Matthew Fox punched a woman in Cleveland after she wouldn't let him on her party bus. It's tough once you're no longer on a hit show. Also tough knowing that you're not the greatest actor but can do the good-guy thing really, really well--but so can Jon Tenney and Michael Vartan and Vartan's biggest vice seems to be online poker (which he admitted on Regis and Kelli and, yes, it's sad that I know this). Bad things (and bad TV shows) happen in Cleveland. Punching a woman in face/stomach = in need of serious therapy and, oh, I don't know...JAIL?

Pickin' and Passin'

Dishbrother, wish granted. New dirt on Britney Spears, and I mean, dirt. It may not be true, probably isn't, but here goes! Her former bodyguard Fernando Flores is suing her, I guess, for like sexual harassment (did not read article thoroughly b/c attention span at 0). He says her personal hygiene is not so great. She picks her nose and passes gas (which a real person would never do). Despite all the advances she made, he wouldn't succumb cause she stank. I'm sorry, Dish finds this hard to believe. Britney must smell like orchids and bubble gum. And if you love the stars, you put on that gas mask, look the other way and please the Queen Bee. Oh well, I wasn't there.

Other than TG cooking a great dinner, my big excitement today was seeing the trailer for Dream Home, starring newly married in real life, Daniel Craig and Rachel Weisz: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nIeMYPfnST0. First priority: see if they have on-screen chemistry. I couldn't see it. Maybe they were being cautious. My second observation: I do not like Daniel when his hair gets too long. Third: This flick looks scary as sh*t which means I have to see it!

Kim Kardashian has psoriasis.