The Bachelor Finale--Spoiler

First of all, Dish read a spoiler to The Bachelor, which ruined everything. Never again! Oh wait, I said that last season. This time around, I felt there was only one bad apple in the whole caboose (that makes no sense, Dish)--the evil and clueless Tiera. All the other girls seemed nice. A few weren't exactly intelligent, but who cares? I'm fine with Sean's choice of Catherine, though I have the feeling she might bail later on when she realizes he's kind of nice and predictable. But that's just me, being negative. My real excitement over the finale comes with the announcement of the new Bachelorette: Katie Holmes Desiree Hartsock! She was the one I'd wanted Sean to pick toward the end.

And now, I can go back to life as usual.

Oh, and in stupid fun news: Gerard Butler finally admitted that he slept with Brandi Glanville. He just didn't remember her name. That just makes him so much more attractive, doesn't it?

Such as.

Too Much Happening to Stay Silent

This week was a real pisser. First The Bachelor. ABC is teasing us with The Women Tell All episode. This season did little for me. I wanted Sean to be with Dez, but he threw her back in the ocean. Was he really so douchy with AshLee that he lied about his feelings? Did he say he loved her more than the other girls? Tiera, I appreciate her role on the show.

Karen Kim Kardashian had a miscarriage scare. I was worried with all her jet-setting while carrying a baby. You can't keep up the same frenetic pace. It's hard to walk out of limos to go to planes. Dish would totally stay in one place if I were carrying a wee one. Well, that's sort of what I do now. I'm not preggo.

Joy Behar is leaving The View after 16 years. I love her stick-to-it work ethic! There is so much stop and go again in this world.

Perhaps the worst news this week is that Valerie Harper has terminal cancer, perhaps three months to live. Oh, Rhoda. It's just unfathomable. Out of respect for her, I'm going to turn off Vanderpump Rules right now and observe a moment of silence over Valerie's awesomeness.

The State of My Pizza

It's lukewarm but delicious, meshing nicely with three See's chocolates--because 3 is not as bad as 4. Will hide wrappings from TG who won't have a clue what just happened. Or where I am in The Bachelor (he's on the menage a quatre, making these ladies carsick with his driving). I honestly don't know who Sean should pick: Adopted Ashley--She's a little heavy, as in so much baggage. If he marries her, she'll have these solemn realizations while he just want to do somersaults on the trampoline. She'd make a good wife. Sassy Catherine--Very adorable girl, though heavy also with 2 awful life events. Tiera--disaster, run. Katie Holmes--cute, real, who knows. Makeout Girl Who Sleeps Naked: Not serious enough. The Blonde--sure. No one is really standing out as his wife. So important.

Right now, the whole Chris Dorner standoff-nightmare might be ending. Is it my imagination or are people snapping more than they used to? Or maybe we're getting more on tape.

I push down the harshness of real life with some fake Real Housewife of Beverly Hills, standing firmly with Team Brandi/Lisa. I'm trying to believe that nothing is staged but when I saw Faye crash the tea party, I realized producers probably pushed her on stage...well, I doubt she needed pushing. I'd be there in a hot second as the city's top gatherer of black cat hair. If you use a damp sponge, the hair comes right up.

Alec Baldwin has impregnated his wife.

Star Sighting--Annie Golden!!!

3:00pm: 15th and 7th. Dish was exiting Westside Market, with bags of TG's favorite foods, and almost ran right into my FAVORITE person from the movie version of Hair, the delightful Annie Golden. Even more awesome, she was talking to herself--as was I! If I hadn't been doing heavy lugging, I would have followed her the hiding-behind-the-bushes-when-TG-ran-after-Will-Arnett begs to differ.

I've caught up on The Bachelor and feel Sean is a serial killer. He fits the profile and keeps making the women do these physical tests--jumping in ice water, climb or descend a tall structure, get in a boat, drink goat milk (as IF) and walk around the mansion. He wants to see them suffer. I don't get why Tiera keeps getting a rose. Her injuries alone make her a bad investment. It's all rigged. Sean can't kick off Tiera because she's ratings gold and the other women are boringly normal (I'm pulling for either trailer park Katie Holmes or the adopted woman).

Smash: Jennifer Hudson is my only reason for watching stop lying, Dish. It's the truth: J-Hud is magic. Everything else seems so cliche. Loved Ivy's opening dress, how it meshed with her brassy blond. Which online stores must I raid to find this exact one??? Glad Messing got rid of milktoast husband--hope she gets with someone who will help her dress sexy again, I mean, for the first time. Sorry, that was unkind.

So, Leann Wasn't Crying Yesterday...

But I was. Today has been smooth sailing except:


Screw you, Downton Abbey. I'm fine with the drama of Sunday's episode, but how could you put everyone in such hell? Poor Elizabeth McGovern and her sweet tears. DA should be all nicey nice. Then again, there was some dead wood on the show. If only they'd release Bates from jail. He could boost everyone's spirits (quiet, Dishbrother! I know you hate Bates, spit on little old ladies and kick puppies!). Also, I'm mostly eager for Edith to get laid.

The Bachelor: Sean is telling too many girls, "I'm crazy about you." I'm not sure who I want to win. Possibly the adopted girl. She's super nice, deserving, heart of gold--but can she be sexy? That's the thing I want to tell girls: having issues, acting mopey may get you attention, but it's not sexy. I wish I'd known this. Luckily, Sean sent home one of the barking-crazy girls.

Today's rumor: That Alec Baldwin impregnated his hot yoga teaching wife. Makes sense. Why wouldn't he? She could do yoga during her pregnancy. I don't like yoga. Is that bad?

Why Lindsay should just go to jail or rehab for a year. She called in sick for court tomorrow today--sudden respiratory infection--but was spotted shopping and smoking today. I can't even believe she's out on the streets. I am tired when I imagine living her life and its vicious circles.

The Miracle Worker

When the FDA ruled to cut Ambien dosages in half, Dish hyperventilated, got on all fours and prayed to the Great Mystery for guidance. I need to start meditating, not medicating so I did just that. As I reached my transcendental state, a heavenly being appeared and said, "Who cares, Dish?" I knew that voice...from somewhere in daytime TV. "But...but...I sleep like crap, GM, and have since I was 12." GM finally revealed herself: Oprah. "Did you *see* what Lucy Liu wore to the Globes? Now that was crap," she responded. Once again, GM puts the world into proper perspective.

So it's no surprise that Oprah, my General Manager and the Queen of the Dope-Snatchers, would get THE interview of the year--perhaps, the decade--Lance Armstrong's admission to doping. This is huge. It's the only way he can possibly come close to attempting to repair the damage.This totally knocks Millionaire Matchmaker off my DVR.

The Bachelor: I'm rooting for the girl with one arm. This is probably the first time where The Bachelor doesn't seem like a total jerk.

And Victor Garber is gay. I'm sorry, what? No wonder the Titanic sank!!! (That's a joke)

The most awesome commercial ever.

The President Appoints Hegel as Secretary of Defense!!!

It's so open-minded of Obama to select an eighteenth-century German philosopher to be in charge of Defense. Ghosts tend not to get as much airplay, especially German ones. Hegel is sooooo awesome because he helped invent German Idealism. He and his friends sat around a table and just came up with it, then put on a happy face, threw fresh daisies on the ground, then took each other out for wienerschnitzel and Rittersport! Idealism will be useful as we crawl up other countries' asses with our guns. The more sunshine we bring to warfare, the less we'll feel like fighting! Yay, Barack!

Kim and Kanye allegedly bought an 11M$ mansion to house her giant fake rear and his arrogance. I actually do think their child will be gorgeous.


Dishnotes on The Bachelor:

Rule #1: Everyone's name is Ashley. How funny was the Fifty Shades girl? I sort of think Chris Harrison's marketing team invented her. Take bestseller + fake insanity = schadenfreude rejection at the rose ceremony + ugly crying in the limo. His team also scoured the U.S. for  another Courtney, like last year, and found Tierra. Add in someone from last year--Kacie B.--and you have some more ugly limo crying. What I like about Sean is that he seems to be picking sane-seeming women, i.e. he's not choosing based on what's in his pants (my cousin would never do that--and neither would Jesus).

Single and Ready to Take You into Outer Space!!!

Get out your laciest lingerie, ladies, because astronaut Buzz Aldrin is officially divorced! Maybe not so fast. This announcement comes just in time for songstress Taylor Swift. Poor girl might have broken up with One Direction's Harry Styles, something about a fight, she stormed off, that New Year's kiss all for nothing. Dishreaders, I don't think any of this is an accident. Hef and Crystal Harris are paving the way for the May-December romance in 2013. Gray is the new black. Taylor now needs some sweet lovin' from this space pilgrim. Otherwise, I'm sorry, Taylor, but you've reached your star-hunk quota.

Dish missed Downton Abbey last night and precious time with TG before his trip is cutting into my viewing of The Bachelor. What's a girl to do? I'm too ashamed to turn on the TV right now because he'll see what I watch. He doesn't buy that I like to observe female bonding in an unnatural situation.

Okay, he's brushing his teeth now, is about to go read his hoity-toity smart people books. I'm going to watch Sean Lowe (aka my cousin--not by blood, but he totally could be) try to choose Mrs. Right from 26 babes.

A Television Dilemma for the New Year

I already know the answer, but, Dishreaders, I have a problem I'll put out to you, The Universe. Should I watch The Bachelor again premiering on January 7th? I shouldn't but I will for these reasons:

1. Bachelor Sean Lowe looks as if he could be my cousin (on the paternal side), which has an ew factor. BUT I HAVE TO ROOT FOR FAMILY.
2. If I remember correctly, Sean's into Jesus, so I imagine some of the girls will be faking religion, which is a MUST-SEE. Will there be any covert boinking?
3. The cast is more diverse, which makes it politically correct even though the show is basically prostitution, misogynistic and a forum for public humiliation, i.e. read Foucault's Discipline and Punish.
4. I'm going to count how many times someone a. bursts into tears. b. says, "I'm in love with this man." c. says, "This is amazing." and d. says, "It couldn't have gone better."
YES! I WILL WATCH!

Some sad news for two of my faves: Britney Spears might be fired from X Factor for allegedly being too boring. Don't you wonder what happened to her? She seems okay now after a rough time in her 20s but Dish still feels she had psychotic break from post-partum, this based on no knowledge of her life or medical background. Katie Holmes's run in Dead Accounts is ending early, at the beginning of January. Despite this, I have so much hope for her future.

The most manly stars--and Rudy Giuliani--always wind up in drag.

We Were on The Today Show...

...for a split second yesterday. Our appearance is so minimal that I haven't even watched. You know I can't get enough of seeing myself on TV. Well, I'm also a mite angry at Matt for his extreme douchiness so avoid The Today Show. The segment was on Facebook, which is responsible for my marriage (Skype and our high school helped). By the way, Robin Roberts is doing well after bone marrow transplant. Go GMA Team!

Lots of sensational news. By sensational, I mean over the top. Ben and Courtney from The Bachelor broke up! He's semi-hideous and she is crazy.* How long could it last? I'm only await the announcement that Jef and Emily are also splitsville. Let's not pretend that these reality shows create real couples. It is simply a way for one person to have sex/get drunk/make out with as many people as possible.

If things couldn't get more sick, the rumor mill alleges Chris Brown and Rihanna are "friends" again, which is code for banging. I don't see how this could end in a good way. Maybe when we stop caring about them, they'll go on Couples Therapy, which is a super-lame, trainwreck of a show, not at all devoted to therapy but peacocking for the cameras and starting fights. I COULD DO THAT! Hello, TG and I are masters of antics. I even have a purple wig.

Adele's song for the new James Bond Skyfall is out. I sort of like it. Very classic and Bondesque, like older Bond songs. Of course my fave is Duran Duran's View to a Kill, The Living Daylights by A-Ha, then Another Way to Die with Gods Jack White and Alicia Keys.

Speaking of Bond, my favorite JB of all time will be hosting SNL this weekend. I hope he's hilarious.

*just as they appear on the show, which I'm sure is not real life.

Who's Suffering from Post Traumatic Tabloid Disorder?

I need therapy. There are rumors of another Kardashian reproducing. I'm sure they're false, but the suspense is dizzying. Is she fat or pregnant? Baby bump or no? Why is she wearing big clothes? Will her baby end all her sentences in question-marks? Will she drive a Bentley or a sh*tty Jaguar? Let the merry go-round stop.

I've got better things to do, like book tickets to my next Duran Duran concert. Will this finally be the one where I meet them? If so, I'll wear large sunglasses to hide my tears of joy. Must also hide details of expensive trip from TG. He doesn't read this blog anymore so I can write whatever I want! No holds barred.

Last night's Smash: I'm not sure what happened. Love Uma but I see Jaws snaking through the water with Marilyn ready to jump.

I heard of a lawsuit against The Bachelor/The Bachelorette for discriminating against African-Americans. They *must* discriminate since there haven't been anything but white Bachelor/ettes. They sneak in another race--and someone from NYC--now and then as rivals for affection but inevitably that one person takes a hike early on. I'm all for diversity in my crappy reality shows!!! Counting the days until Emily Maynard gets her chance. What if Brad shows up during the season?

Everyone is abuzz over the Brangelina marriage. Plans being made for France, in a chateau, small town church. I don't buy ANY of it. With a big rock on her finger, she's just another skeletal UES socialite, not the woman going on crusades for the poor/hungry. Is Vera Wang going to make the dress? Is she giddy with excitement over food tasting, party favors and invites? I'm thinking nyet!

Speaking of wedding and skeletal people...Dishbrother and I have vowed to be super-skinny for a wedding related event we're attending in three weeks. We want people to think we're sick with match-stick legs and sunken cheeks. Lucky for me, cutting my portions in half has helped me lose about 5 pounds. Artificially-induced stress does wonders as well. I'm blowing it all to hell with a corn muffin tonight. This is why I'll never be on television (Anderson, you also spoiled my dream by leaving me on the cutting room floor).

Ben and Courtney: I Think They're Gonna Make It!

Last night, I asked TG if I could watch all three hours of The Bachelor. He asked if he could drink a fifth of bourbon. We cozily viewed the luscious landscapes of Switzerland, the region where TG and I first started Skype-ing. TG didn't care about Ben and Courtney (though he said Lindzi seemed nice). He was blown over by how much money the show invested...and how beautiful Zermatt is.

My feelings are thus: Lindzi Cox deserves someone just as darling as she is. Ben's sister and Khloe Kardashian need to mud-wrestle immediately. As for Ben and Courtney, I never really *got* their chemistry or that they had any. But the third "What Happened After" hour convinced me they are in love--as much as they can be for this venue. It was his sweet Bachelor tears over the negative press that won me over to their dark-haired eternal love. So, hear that, everyone? I'm betting 20$ that they will make it. If you knew how poor I am, well, I'm not that poor. The best part of this whole Bachelor experience is that I've decided to speak in sentences that end in a question mark?

Before I go, see Marillon Cotillard be hilarious.

What Did You Think of Last Night's Desperate Housewives?

I won't give away what happened, but let's just say Dish has waited for this character to get killed off for years. He or she was nice enough but who wants real life on their televisions? Now, if only a few more would die. Bring back Gale Harold and Nicollette!

It seems Halle Berry is really engaged to her Frenchie Olivier Martinez who used to date Kylie Minogue. We all remember him as the one who brought desperate housewife Diane Lane back to sexual arousal and then he got clocked with a snow globe by Richard Gere. Congrats, you crazy enfants!

So, Jon Hamm called Kim Kardashian an effing idiot and she called him "careless" for dissing her. I swear, Twitter and FB has made it impossible to talk bitchily behind someone's back.

Okay, I'm watching The Bachelor. Must watch Ben make the biggest mistake of his life.

Happy Birthday to Jon Bon Jovi!

It's hard to believe he's 50! He looks so young. I wonder what his secret is. J.J., do you know? You went to school with him...

Another topic to rile my hair-guru: The Kardashian girls are getting flack for their burrito eating diet pill hawking. Don't you get the feeling the Kardashian sphere is fading? Who will be the next vapid media sensation?

The Bachelor PR machine is playing me like a Gingie marionette. I'm sorry for obsessing but the media called me and said: Hello, Dish? And I was like: Yeah? Then the media said Ben referred to this season's taping as "the worst experience of his life." I was like omygod, like worse than being rejected on TV by the dentist or a parent's death? And the media said, yeah. But the benefit of this Worst Time in His Life is that he will have ample tail forever and ever (so sad a 43 y.o. woman using the term "tail"). They really need to recast/revamp this tired franchise. Turn it around with 5 everyday Joes and maybe give the girls more power. There have been too many douchebags in a row.

You must read the spotlight on Julianne Moore in More magazine. She was one of the first celebs I saw in NYC when I moved here 15 years ago. She was very pregnant, wearing a thick down coat, and running around like a teenager being all chatty cathy at a Chinese restaurant. I'd forgotten she was on As the World Turns so I looked up her cameo back in 2010 when the show was canceled. Moved me to tears: http://whttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifww.youtube.com/watch?v=rCf5giWB2zg.

We're watching Johnny English Reborn with that Mr. Bean guy (TG's choice). It's terrible but TG is laughing. Boys love him. Gillian Anderson is in it. Girls love her.

Antoine Sabitahge!!!

lissin-up, hores. i jes thru up n the cowch & now wll ruh-porte on the starzz!

The Bicherlor iz roomered 2 be sleepin w/ 3 othr feemailes. Cn ani-1 sai GONE-OREE-YA? Wll he winde up w/ Cortnee the Evel Modelle?

Revenge sukked--xcep th issey Victoreea aka Madlin Sto

on reel houssw-ives v oreng cuntry tamry & rossi bi six toys! Skindalis!!!

rikk sanitarium lkks lik a claimation ponny n i wanna hit him. h no likks th wimins bt semms obsessd w/ men havn' sixy time in the milit'ry!

julia n th covre ov Vanity Far--rowr!

Ooo, shee odored chikkin! musst go behg!

Jennifer Garner Has Popped!

Doesn't Jennifer make pregnancy seem so effortless? She always looks happy and enthusiastic. I saw her on Broadway in Cyrano and she was an utter delight, as sparkling on stage as on screen. The show itself was mediocre but I love her overall and wish I could summon her on occasion. Congratulations, JG, for having a boy!

Another mother but far more controversial, that Angelina has made waves for flashing her leg. Are we in the dark ages? She's being criticized for the pose but I feel brain damaged because I don't get the big deal. We saw her naked in Gia so what else could possibly shock us? I loved the flash of leg. That's what slits in dresses are for!!!

The Bachelor spoiler: Finally arrived the most offensive episode for us Dish Prudes: The F*ck Room Fantasy Suite episode where they can spend the rest of the evening boinking like rabbits who just got out of prison getting to know each other better. Do the last three contestants get tested for STDs before TFS? I knew the plumper girl (by plumper I mean the normal sized and beautiful) would get sent home. Then in a fake-surprise encounter, Kacie B. flew all the way to Switzerland only to get the door shut in her face again by Ben. Her frown lines have grown Muppet deep and I wonder if Ben sucked the happiness out of her. Poor Kacie B. She deserves so much better.

Desperate Housewives alum Nicollette Sheridan went to court against Marc Cherry who allegedly smacked her on the set then killed her off the show. They basically hired Vanessa Williams to take her place. You need a "slutty one" in every show and it's a great gig. But I'm sure Nico can do better than DH, which has gone downhill since she left.

Natalie Portman seems to have married her balletman. I'm doing deep knee bends and pirouettes in their honor. No furniture was harmed.

Celebrating a Survivor--Elizabeth Smart

I remember an afternoon in March, 2003, running on a treadmill, probably feelin' ennui when it flashed on the TV screen that Elizabeth Smart had been found alive after a nine-month abduction. I started crying openly in the gym, in front of everyone. I had to leave and then I cried some more on the way home. Life is good! She'd gone through something so horrible. People usually don't survive this, but this brave girl survived that and all the years after. She just got married two weeks ago. Congratulations to the happy couple!

Okay, let's move on to a travesty. Lindsay Lohan allegedly was cast to play Elizabeth Taylor in a movie (Lifetime, I think, but still) about her love with Richard Burton. What do you think of that, J.J.? Are you bleeding from the eyes? Because I am! Wondering which bland TV star will be cast as Richard....

Wait. There's more. Listen to this garbage and feel inflamed (in more than the hemorrhoidal, STD way) by Rick Santorum's out of touch rantings: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XrZtlnsBq_Y.

And if you weren't already outraged: That cute little girl on E.T. might have a bun in the oven. Yes, Drew Barrymore was caught carrying a sonogram, coming out of a doctor's office with her beau. Guys usually don't GO to doctor appointments unless baby related, he's violently whipped, or it's serious. Shocking that Fury is even having sex at her age.

The last rumor that seems so ridiculous but time will tell: Booby Brown might be reviving his tell-all book about life with Whitney. Get a ghostwriter, STAT, because something else will take center stage.

Spoiler alert for last night's The Bachelor: I was wrong about who should win. Well, she got voted off and in the Rejection Limo proved she let out months' worth of pent-up wild sobbing. But seriously, she seemed like a nice girl. Now I put all my money on Lyndzi. Sadly, The Bachelor will most likely follow his 'nads and pick the bad girl who skinny-dipped with him. Mood-swinging naked model trumps all.

Happy Valentine's Day from Latest Sufferer of Acquired Situational Narcissism!

It's true: Dish and TG have the syndrome suffered only by celebrities. We've spent the entire day watching ourselves on The Rachael Ray Show over and over again -- to the point where hearing Rachael Ray say our names is as normal/expected as Dishcat whizzing on the couch (a daily event). We loved our moment in the sun. Oh what's this, TG is replaying the clip again! We love Rachael.

On Whitney watch: Her broken vessel was flown to New Jersey. How gruesome and yet details I kinda wanna know. You look at the hearse and think, she's in there. The speculation and blame continues. Was it murder? Nancy Grace asks. Whitney wanted to die, Bill O'Reilly claims. CNN reported is poorly, says Jon Stewart. I'm done. Ready to celebrate the good Whitney times.

Disastrous: I just read a Radaronline spoiler for The Bachelor and am now thoroughly deflated. I also wonder if it's a lie. If not, I foresee a marital disaster! Bring on Emily Maynard STAT.

Matt Bomer: has come out, just in time to appear on Glee. Why do I have to wait until April for his Duran Duran episode? I won't make it. Darren Darren, Finn, Jane Lynch and the OCD guidance counselor are the only ones keeping me going.

I hope you all had a nice Valentine's Day. For 40 years, it seemed a bizarre, often cruel holiday. Now it's bearable if you focus on loved ones and chocolate. With TG, every day is a gift.

I Rode the Elevator with Peter Riegert!

5:27 pm, somewhere in Manhattan. I saw the opportunity and I took it. I flew into the elevator containing only one other passenger. Of course, I averted my gaze because I couldn't look at The Sun aka Peter Riegert.It took all my strength not to ask, "Are you The Pickle Man?" If you're a girl, this reference is obvious (Crossing Delancey). Instead I said, "Good night, you awesome venerable judge and lawyer on crime dramas." My knees are still weak.

On to news and updates:

So many X Factor judges gone! Dish never watched but is this to drum up new excitement? Can it compete with The Voice and AI?

The Bachelor: I fantasize that one of the girls will get the stomach flu and give it all around--two hours of vileness coming out of both ends. It really is a petri dish for germs. But true love is being sick with your love.

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Reunion: I'm not sure if it was the lighting, but the gals looked like dog-sh*t last night. Maloof resembles her own Muppet and I wanted to say, enough procedures. They are all attractive as is. To me, Camille and Kyle looked the least plastic. They bickered about a whole lotta nothing.

Kourtney and Kim Take New York: Kim's distancing from her new husband Kris and how the relationship kept filling her with anxiety and panic--I understand! Twice, I made a commitment (not engagement) to the wrong man and felt life spiraling out of control. I didn't want to hurt a good person and I had to. So, you see, Kim Kardashian and I are so similar. Kim, I did get a furry tailmy fairy tale in my the end. TG is my Prince Charming each and every day--worth the wait.

Chord Overstreet and Emma Roberts are no more. I feel sad for Chord since this means a distancing from The Julia.

The Geezers Are Having a Hard Time!

Poor Paula Deen. Poor Bruce Jenner. Someone has to preach the deliciousness of fatty food. So why is Anthony Bourdain condemning her? Maybe he's in love with her. Even though she gave herself Diabetes, she is adorable and America loves her. Are we all supposed to eat steamed vegetables and fish seared in water? I may be pre-Diabetic myself but I'd like the occasional opportunity to fry my food in butter then throw it in a vat of sugar then powder it with some spiced melatonin, while listening to Duran Duran. We might as well burn all of Julia Child's books, too. As for Bruce Jenner having a touch of skin cancer, I wish the poor guy luck. He has enough on his plate of smoked salmon and celery stalks with nothing on them.

The Bachelor--Blow by Precious Blow. Dish was on Team Kacie B--who looked the best in a bikini--but given Ben's nerdlike ways (the Keanu makeover does NOT cover up this Pointdexter) I'd choose the Ph.D scientist who went up the bridge and conquered her fear of heights. Their phobia-facing kiss warmed my cockles as true fake TV love blossomed in the highest! How sad that one girl felt so conflicted about herself that she left, but in true Bachelor fashion, you have to sweep off the crazies, the tormented and the uggos who didn't belong in the first place. I felt terrible for the swooning girl--that would have been Dish from lack of sleep, nourishment, proximity to future reality celebrities--but no guy likes such antics. Pointdexter didn't seem to react either, which means he won't be visiting you in the hospital unless you're almost totally recovered. So glad he kicked off Morticia, though her storming in was incredibly contrived and the girls did a poor job of acting outraged. Double-lame. Yes, I'll watch next week.