Dish as Therapy

I've decided to return to my roots. The truth is, I've been depressed. The blues are normal--like the kind you get when your dream comes true and you're the focus of attention. Five minutes later, there's silence and life goes on. It's ego-bruising so I'm stumbling around, trying to remember who I am and what I like to do.  Since I'm no longer 19, I've decided against chain-smoking or drinking. Call me officially old, but my cure of choice is: Obsessing with the Stars.

First off: the GMA bloodbath. Dish is delirious not to have Josh Elliott's smug mug rain on her Robin Roberts love parade. Though according to not-so-valid sources, conflict will ensue as Amy Robach (my new personal hero--giving cancer the middle finger and marrying Melrose Place's Andrew Shue) and Lara Spencer aren't in love. Now, Michael Strahan has signed on as clean-up, so those cute dog rescue stories will be covered. Is Today laughing its ass off? I would if I thought this movement was disastrous. I see it as weed-wacking. Funny how the whole Ann Curry mess is so yesterday.

Second: We're offering to inherit Gloria Vanderbilt's 200M fortune since Anderson doesn't need it. We don't need it either, but we want it.

Third: Dish went to see Rocky on Broadway, starring the great Andy Karl, Margo Seibert, and Terrence Archie. The actors' stellar performances, the staging and the story are worth seeing over and over again (music/lyrics mostly terrible, but you don't wind up caring so much). Dish was misty-eyed throughout the show. After the fabulous training montages, I went straight to the gym, wearing a hoodie (and hurt my back). Rocky is my new Jersey Boys (Just kidding, TG. I'll only see Rocky one more time, maybe three). 

Fourth: I've been on Alec-Baldwin-watch and so far, he hasn't left New York. In fact, his wife is featured in today's Post, doing sexy yoga poses and insisting that she'll never leave the city.  I was so waiting for a week without a Baldwin. They are liars!

We Were on The Today Show...

...for a split second yesterday. Our appearance is so minimal that I haven't even watched. You know I can't get enough of seeing myself on TV. Well, I'm also a mite angry at Matt for his extreme douchiness so avoid The Today Show. The segment was on Facebook, which is responsible for my marriage (Skype and our high school helped). By the way, Robin Roberts is doing well after bone marrow transplant. Go GMA Team!

Lots of sensational news. By sensational, I mean over the top. Ben and Courtney from The Bachelor broke up! He's semi-hideous and she is crazy.* How long could it last? I'm only await the announcement that Jef and Emily are also splitsville. Let's not pretend that these reality shows create real couples. It is simply a way for one person to have sex/get drunk/make out with as many people as possible.

If things couldn't get more sick, the rumor mill alleges Chris Brown and Rihanna are "friends" again, which is code for banging. I don't see how this could end in a good way. Maybe when we stop caring about them, they'll go on Couples Therapy, which is a super-lame, trainwreck of a show, not at all devoted to therapy but peacocking for the cameras and starting fights. I COULD DO THAT! Hello, TG and I are masters of antics. I even have a purple wig.

Adele's song for the new James Bond Skyfall is out. I sort of like it. Very classic and Bondesque, like older Bond songs. Of course my fave is Duran Duran's View to a Kill, The Living Daylights by A-Ha, then Another Way to Die with Gods Jack White and Alicia Keys.

Speaking of Bond, my favorite JB of all time will be hosting SNL this weekend. I hope he's hilarious.

*just as they appear on the show, which I'm sure is not real life.

I Think Uranus Delivered Its Load This Week

So yeah, the Mitt Romney thing has stuck. Everyone is talking about it. Now we just stand back and see if he's truly sunk or if Obama will do something worse. Is Mitt like Teflon? Will his nasty words change the minds of voters? Dish tends to think people know their candidate and the vote doesn't change. Though...I wasn't going to vote in 2008. I'm not sure what changed my mind, maybe that I overcame my irritation over the starry-eyed Obama devotees who left Hillary in the dust. I still am bitter about that, but the election isn't about me. I definitely voted in an election that mattered, even though my vote didn't really matter. It didn't make me feel amazing. I was just being a citizen. This year, it's much clearer to me.

I'm not sure I like seeing Jennifer Aniston pregnant. It's a disturbance in the force! But I enjoy her humor. Am I being un-PC to prefer her un-pregnant?

Alexis, by far the most fun one to hate, is leaving The Real Housewives of Orange County. Rumor has it that she got kicked off, but I don't see how the network could do that. She's too fun to watch. Was it the weird husband? I'll never buy that she wants to live life away from cameras.

I love Kate Middleton's reaction to the titty photos: smile and dance. Really, who gives a flying scone slathered in clotted cream? There's not much you can do except stay covered forever. That means you, Prince Philips. Please avoid all future wang shots.

The rags can't help playing up the American Idol feuding between Mariah and Nicki. So pathetic. Why does it have to be the divas? Why can't they talk about tension between Randy and Keith. I don't believe a word. We see through your paltry ways, AI machine.

Tori Spelling had emergency surgery after complications with her recent C section. My uterus is yowling in pain. Get well soon, Tori!

Special healing prayers for Robin Roberts as she goes for her bone marrow transplant on Thursday. You can keep up with her on this blog. Go Robin!!!

The Bitter with the Sweet

On the heels of rejoicing over the news that my favorite shirtless pothead, Matthew McConaughey, tied the knot, one of my favorite anchor/hosts Robin Roberts revealed she had a kind of bone marrow blood disease. It doesn't sound good but she's such a tough broad. Dish might just start praying again. Heal, Robin, heal!

It's not even worth mentioning that Lindsay lied to the cops about her accident, which could mean jail. Sabotage.

The universe smiled on me today. I'm going to see Duran Duran play SOONER THAN I THOUGHT. Maybe this summer won't suck stinky rotten eggs.