Magic Mike Is Terrible

I really wanted to see this movie--though fell ill on the day I intended to cough up 13$. And thank goodness,  because it sucks! How many times can glorious Matthew McConaughey say, "Allright, allright, allright" in his precious twang? How boring is Channing's love interest and their romance? And how dare the creators keep hiding the baloney from devoted female/gay fans. This flick was pure tease with a deceptive trailer. For those who haven't seen it, save your dough. This is a transformation/coming of age story with boring dialogue. The most heinous crime is that it under-uses the bonerific talents of the werewolf from True Blood, Matt Bomer, Alex Pettycoats, and Channing Tatum--and McConaughey. They should have focused more on the stripping and made a Cinderella story for a girl to date a stripper--who is secretly rich and gives it all up for her!

If you've ever wanted to know who Dishmama has always reminded me of, watch this babe. This siren and my mother are practically separated at birth. But my mom is even more fabulous.

Wasn't Matt Bomer amazing on Glee?

Best line: "I'm going to pour you a tall glass of 'this is how it is.'" I've never seen White Collar, but Bomer is freaking funny. His chemistry with Criss worked well, too. If the show could be just Jane, Darren and Matt, I'd be happy. Dish lost consciousness seeing Jane Lynch sing along to "Rio." Jane and Duran Duran combined: like farting/sneezing at the same time, i.e. too much happiness released in one moment. I couldn't take it.

As brilliant as he is, Alec Baldwin can't seem to escape his woman problems (I can't quit Altoids). The drama over his alleged stalker continues. Alec sarcasti-Tweeted about The Post's mean girl (whom I find wildly entertaining) Andrea Peyser's journalistic integrity. She answered with an even more vicious column. Dish's advice for Alec: Ditch Yoga and knock AP's boots already! JK. It's hard when Mommy and Daddy fight.

During my lunch break, had to see on Radaronline 10 female celebrities with cellulite, not to judge but to relate...heavily. We mortals can sometimes share a bond more meaningful than a 25M movie deal. It's called cottage cheese legs.

Gossip Girl: Dishcousin and I agreed that Rufus put his balls in a Dixie cup and handed them to Lily when they got married. Must look to Dan and Chuck for seething masculinity in contemporary elitist Manhattan. Blair and Lily continue to be my imaginary BFFs.

Smash (spoiler alert): Shining moment occurs as Anjelica Huston sucks face with the handsome bartender from All My Children. I was a little turned on and repulsed, as I would be watching DishGramma kissing George Clooney. I like the idea but the image would embed itself in my consciousness, felling me during random moments.

166 Hours Until the Duran Duran Mash-up on Glee!

Young triple threats Darren Criss and Matt Bomer will sing Duran Duran on Glee next Tuesday. Can you think of anything better? My hope is that their song doesn't leak. Dish is having too much fun imagining what they'll sing. Is anyone Hungry to go to Rio?

So, Sarah Palin is on TV, Levi Johnson knocked up his girlfriend, Obama is campaigning. It must be 2008. It isn't? Oh, thank GOD!!!! What a difference four years can make, n'est-ce pas?

Where were you when you heard that Ashton Kutcher would play Steve Jobs? I read the news and promptly forgot it...until now. My reaction is mixed: I want Ashton to grow into a fine actor and hope this role does it. He looks the part, but can he pull it off? He'll need to go on a diet...which could win him an Oscar.

Titanic 3-D. I'm ashamed that when I saw the trailer, I had tears running down my cheeks. TG never noticed. It's such a crappy movie, yet moved the world. Do I dare break my revolt against 3-D and see it?

Last night's Smash: Who got goosebumps over the trailer for next week's Uma Thurman appearance? Cannot wait! I wish I weren't so hooked on the show. It's a mistake.

I am officially ending the reign of the Housewives. They've all gotten to be so very boring. Erasing DVR after the millionth staged ladies lunch and mud run...

Happy Valentine's Day from Latest Sufferer of Acquired Situational Narcissism!

It's true: Dish and TG have the syndrome suffered only by celebrities. We've spent the entire day watching ourselves on The Rachael Ray Show over and over again -- to the point where hearing Rachael Ray say our names is as normal/expected as Dishcat whizzing on the couch (a daily event). We loved our moment in the sun. Oh what's this, TG is replaying the clip again! We love Rachael.

On Whitney watch: Her broken vessel was flown to New Jersey. How gruesome and yet details I kinda wanna know. You look at the hearse and think, she's in there. The speculation and blame continues. Was it murder? Nancy Grace asks. Whitney wanted to die, Bill O'Reilly claims. CNN reported is poorly, says Jon Stewart. I'm done. Ready to celebrate the good Whitney times.

Disastrous: I just read a Radaronline spoiler for The Bachelor and am now thoroughly deflated. I also wonder if it's a lie. If not, I foresee a marital disaster! Bring on Emily Maynard STAT.

Matt Bomer: has come out, just in time to appear on Glee. Why do I have to wait until April for his Duran Duran episode? I won't make it. Darren Darren, Finn, Jane Lynch and the OCD guidance counselor are the only ones keeping me going.

I hope you all had a nice Valentine's Day. For 40 years, it seemed a bizarre, often cruel holiday. Now it's bearable if you focus on loved ones and chocolate. With TG, every day is a gift.