Make the Celebrities Stop Fighting! Someone's Going to Get Hurt!

It's an epidemic! Stars are fighting with writers. Let's get a big pool of creamed corn and watch these violent flesh-balls go at it. I'll bring the Bratwurst and Pepsi.

In ring 1: Sleaze writer Joe Eszterhas and Mel Gibson are dueling over anti-semitic remarks the actor/director allegedly made. Mel claims Joe's script for Maccabees blew moose testes. These two skeeve me out to the max. My advice: Get out a ruler. What else is there to do now that Maccabees is a no-go? And we were all so excited about this one.

In ring 2: The love fest between Andrea Peyser and Alec Baldwin continues--as does Dish's fascination! Though, I find some faulty reporting in her dwelling on his I-swallowed-a-water-buffalo appearance adopted by many doughy middle-aged male stars*. Alec has slimmed down, no doubt encouraged by his seemingly-awesome fiancee**. Doesn't Alec remind you of a certain temperamental, weight-shifting Democrat with woman problems? Teddy Kennedy lives! Okay, I just blasphemed. Is it possible for me not to take sides in this issue? Can't I love them both?

In ring 3: Alec is pissed at NBC and said he's dumping the network after their news crews camped out at his place. I'd rather see his hissy than read passive-aggressive tweets, but as an avid stargazer, do feel stars should have some privacy. Curiosity is a sick beast.

Marc Anthony filed for divorce from J.Lo citing irreconcilable differences, which means 1. Let's just end this thing 2. Something really bad happened. 3. Celebrity marriage ADD. In the case of these two, I'd go for option #1.

Zimmerman was finally charged with second degree murder. Can I get an It's About Time?

*Russell Crowe, Steven Seagal--though Crowe may have slimmed down and Seagal did look svelte in Exit Wounds. These boys yo-yo diet like teenage girls!
**I can't articulate why but she seems like a cool cucumber to Dish.

Wasn't Matt Bomer amazing on Glee?

Best line: "I'm going to pour you a tall glass of 'this is how it is.'" I've never seen White Collar, but Bomer is freaking funny. His chemistry with Criss worked well, too. If the show could be just Jane, Darren and Matt, I'd be happy. Dish lost consciousness seeing Jane Lynch sing along to "Rio." Jane and Duran Duran combined: like farting/sneezing at the same time, i.e. too much happiness released in one moment. I couldn't take it.

As brilliant as he is, Alec Baldwin can't seem to escape his woman problems (I can't quit Altoids). The drama over his alleged stalker continues. Alec sarcasti-Tweeted about The Post's mean girl (whom I find wildly entertaining) Andrea Peyser's journalistic integrity. She answered with an even more vicious column. Dish's advice for Alec: Ditch Yoga and knock AP's boots already! JK. It's hard when Mommy and Daddy fight.

During my lunch break, had to see on Radaronline 10 female celebrities with cellulite, not to judge but to relate...heavily. We mortals can sometimes share a bond more meaningful than a 25M movie deal. It's called cottage cheese legs.

Gossip Girl: Dishcousin and I agreed that Rufus put his balls in a Dixie cup and handed them to Lily when they got married. Must look to Dan and Chuck for seething masculinity in contemporary elitist Manhattan. Blair and Lily continue to be my imaginary BFFs.

Smash (spoiler alert): Shining moment occurs as Anjelica Huston sucks face with the handsome bartender from All My Children. I was a little turned on and repulsed, as I would be watching DishGramma kissing George Clooney. I like the idea but the image would embed itself in my consciousness, felling me during random moments.

A Good Day for Preggos, Stoners and Fiancees!

First the good news: Anne Hathaway got engaged to some guy after three years of dating. Remember her awful swindling ex who might still be in jail? It takes a while to get over that. Maggie Gyllenhaal is knocked up big-time, like about six months gone. Cheers to her and Peter Skarsgaard. Oh wait. Not sure that's his last name but we all know who we're talking about.

I'll address the elephant in the room. Eva Mendes + Ryan Gosling canoodling all over Paris. What the hell? Maybe it's just nookie because I just don't feel the love here. Eva needs older businessman whereas Ryan, well, I want him back with Sandy Bullock. Hot stuff!

Spiderman's Tobey Maguire aka Squeaky McGee is paying up in the poker suit. Whatever that means! Dish doesn't understand the obsession with this game. It's a lose lose. Look what it did to Omar Shariff in Funny Girl.

Miley Cyrus admitted she's a stoner. Dude!

The Post's Andrea Peyser wrote a blood-boiling piece about Natalie Wood: http://www.nypost.com/p/news/national/starlight_blinded_justice_MnE19Wywfd6GrilUR4LopJ. I don't always agree with Peyser but this time, I'm right behind her. Free Natalie's spirit!