Deep Musings Over Anne Hathaway Bashing

She was so much easier to deal with as a Disney princess, or when Meryl Streep dressed her down in The Devil Wears Prada, when Jake cheated on her in Brokeback Mountain, as the poor bridal BFF to fabulous Kate Hudson in Bride Wars. But now, with her recent acty performances, her marvelous shrinking body and that Winona-little-boy haircut, and, dear god, articulate and rehearsed award acceptance speeches. Well, screw her!!! Now the rags are saying that she practiced her acceptance speech so we would like her more. Failure, Anne Hathaway! You're supposed to act completely shocked, say Oh My God a few times, blubber, try to catch your breath and forget to thank a bazillion people, including your new husband. My advice: another crotch flash, blow some spit bubbles and say 1/2 the words you need. Get a weave because the short hair makes it worse. Go far away from Hugh Jackson, too, because you're making the rest of us completely jealous. We all want to jump on a trampoline and sing show tunes with Hugh all day long--and she didn't have to try!!!

But seriously, Dish saw Anne on panel and instantly became imaginary best friends with her. She's pretty cool.

The best news today--mostly for TG--is that Andy Dick is going to be on Dancing with the Stars. This is a huge risk for the franchise. Big mistake. Huge.

In sadness, Michelle Williams and Jason Segel broke up. 

Dish Tried to Spy But We Didn't Get There on Time!

Sadly, Dish and TG would make terrible paparazzi! He came home from his workout at Chelsea Piers, passing by the sh*tty High Line (I don't get what the big deal is--it's an elevated sidewalk) and saw a "movie" being filmed. Cool. Happens every day. We eat our mac and cheese and salad. I suggest to him that we spy, maybe do some real investigative journalism. There is hemming and hawing. Maybe we'll watch Sweet Genius and Cupcake Wars and then go. Two hours elapse. Filming takes forever right? We bundle up and walk four avenues over. They were striking the set. I scream at TG to go find out what's happening because he's the one ballsy enough to do it. If he sees Justin Bieber on the street, TG will casually go and ask how he likes his Ferrari. The answer is: They were filming Person of Interest.

That's my huge scoop!

Are you noticing lots of love and hate for Les Miserables? Dish is kind of impressed that there isn't the Oh This Is Automatically Great whitewashing as with Titanic, aka one of the worst movies ever. But I don't feel violent over it. We're all in agreement (except for DishfriendwholovesMattDamon) that Anne Hathaway was mind-blowingly great. Automatic Oscar.

Real Housewives of BH--A Lesson in Manners

This is how I know Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is fake, fake, fake. It makes no sense that at Mauricio's company party, Kim would choose that moment to reveal to Adrienne/Paul (the scariest couple ever) that Brandi Mistress of Truth dropped a bomb about A&P behind their backs. Two questions: Who does that and what *is* the scandal Brandi unveiled about the Maloof/Na--somethings? There might be strange mental wiring involved on Kim's part--she has her moments--but -- okay I would have done the same thing if the cameras were on me. Can I hire Brandi to be my life coach?

I should be reading my New Yorker but got distracted when I learned that Anne Hathaway flashed her delicate flower accidentally there are no accidents at an event. This kept me busy. All websites have covered her maidenly undercarriage. They certainly didn't do the same for Britney Spears, Lindsay or poor Denise Richards! Where's the justice?

Good deed: Don't tell TG but I tipped the deliboys10$ for making me a delicious turkey club sandwich. Celebrities often double-tip, so I figured I was in good company. It made me feel great.

Hey, Anne--Wanna Go to Anthropologie Tomorrow?

Here are Dish's Reasons for Seeing Les Miserables:

The story: A man steals bread and goes to jail. His jailer gets a big boner for him and makes him carry a long flag pole. After his release, the bread-stealer decides to keep stealing but the priest is nice to him (not in that way). BS becomes mayor and befriends a prostitute with short hair who has a cute blond jonbenet daughter who doesn't brush her hair. BS watches the whore-mother die and carries jonbenet off into the night. Meanwhile, the Oz Jailer chases BS and whips out his sword. BS keeps showing Oz mercy (but not his wang). Jonbenet grows up beautiful and falls for a soldier, the one who spent the week with Marilyn Monroe. It's love at first sight and BS is not-miserable anymore since he can marry the girl off so he can join the whore in heaven. Oz Jailer is so upset in general that he jumps off a bridge. Somewhere there is fighting. Vive la France!

Anne Hathaway blows away Oscar competition for Best Supporting Actress with just one song. The weight loss and short hair were worth it! In the star-studded Q&A after the screening, I realized with a start that Anne and I are now imaginary best friends! Julia and I have drifted apart since Larry Crowne--plus, with how Anne sat, with the voices inside her head still speaking, I can tell she's got a touch of the crazy--like Dish!

Hugh Jackman is just as Hugh-ey as you could imagine, and cute as a bug's ear. Criticism: He gets hammy in parts and he's not PRETTY enough in this movie. The hair alone made me shudder with revulsion. If he'd only pulled a Wolverine, it might have been sexy. Remember: acting is attracting.

Russell Crowe acts with just an eye twitch. I've forgiven him now for the phone-throwing. His performance is astonishing and effortless--his singing, well, I would have trained a bit more for those notes. It seemed out of his comfort zone. And yet, next to Anne, he is my favorite in the movie.

Amanda Seyfried: Lovely. Looked hungry on stage.

Eddie Redmayne: Adorable and lovely voice. Nicely done Marius.

Samantha Banks: Winning. Fabulous debut. Though look at her skinny bitch waist. I hate her!

Helena Bonham Carter: As Dishbrother says, "Where was her costume?" Easy transition from Tim Burton to 19th Century Paris.

Sacha Baron Cohen: You should have seen TG's glow during his scenes. Sacha is a scene-stealer.

The biggest star of all: sound and set design. I'd never seen Les Miz before because the soundtrack didn't float my sails. I cried like a baby most of the way through this version. It's a tad boring in spots. Some camera work could have been done on my iPad, but overall, a triumph. Hard to say if it's going to be this year's Titanic (long, sappy movie that touches everyone's hearts). I'm mostly blown away by the work involved in creating this movie and the fabulous performances.

Crazy Blond

Due to subway claustrophobia, I walked home. As I reached Houston, I saw this pretty, young blond woman walking at a good clip up ahead of me. Her hair was pulled back. She wore black leggings and striped top, bag slung over her shoulder--nicely put together overall. Stopping at a restaurant table, she snapped a picture of diners. It was hard not to notice her high-pitched voice as she rambled about "changing energies, both sexual and material." Oh hell, I thought. Is everyone crazy? I pushed on past, hoping she'd get absorbed in her bananas and ignore me. Of course, she didn't. She matched my pace, seemed to get closer to the point where I decided to pause and let her go by. She never stopped her one-sided-conversation. In a frightening moment, with me stalled at the curb, she looked back. We locked eyes. There was no blurry, muddy expression on her face, which unnerved me even more. I know my meth and heroin face, the boozy stumble, the pot stare. Blondie surged ahead and kept talking, and so did I but from a distance. When she was half-a-block away, she stopped, turned toward the traffic and unleashed this terrifying rage, killer rage, like I-could-easily-no-problem-stab-you-in-your-sleep rage. Size doesn't matter.

General Petraeus might just be a big horndog, which I blame entirely on the pressure of politics, the limelight, the media and show biz--intersecting professions if not identical. Poor shmoopie. Not only is there one other woman, but possibly two. His wife is allegedly furious. Ya think??? This is such a lame story, I can't bear it.

Saw the trailer for Les Miserables and I'm filled with despair when I confess a desire to see it. Damn you, Anne Hathaway.

Exercise and sin journal: Ran 4 miles. Walked 3 miles. Ate 1/3 Snickers bar and practically nothing else--maybe mac and cheese.

Sons of Anarchy watchers: Did EVERYONE from The Shield migrate to this show? No complaints here. I like to see good actors employed. Plus, Dish never turns down the chance to see epic geezer sex between Katey Sagal and Jimmy Smits.

Justin Bieber: Making Love Real

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America's Top Model Axes Judges :(

Not that I'm invested but there's been a huge upset in America's Next Top Model in that Tyra Banks fired her three judges, Jay Manuel, J. Alexander (not Jason or Jane), and Nigel Barker. It sounds like a really, really dumb move, though maybe they want to revitalize the brand, leverage their assets to combat future challenges in the marketplace. Who could they possibly get to replace these judges? Dish, of course!!????

David Merkur, a 28-year-old investment banker, made the colossal mistake of sending one of his dates the spreadsheet he used to keep track of the women he met online. She sent it to her friends and now this spreadsheet is everywhere. What's the big deal? I kept similar records during my more prolific dating periods in Manhattan--2001-2002, 2004-2006, 2008-2009--at the very least for future funny stories (Best first 30 seconds of a date ever: "My wife and I are separated. I mean, we're getting divorced.") This spreadsheet is incredibly sane and proves the point: that dating in Manhattan is thoroughly confusing, like a buffet, mostly depressing with too many life stories to keep straight. How long until Merkur is on David Letterman?

Such an ado over Anne Hathaway's "dramatic weight loss" for the new Les Miserables (zzzz) film. Sorry, but Dish went even skinnier within a month. And did they hassle Christian Bale about The Machinist? Anne doesn't look THAT thin, just miserable, which is what the movie calls for. Hard for me to imagine Anne and Hugh Jackman evoking misery, though.

For fun: http://cnn.com/video/?/video/offbeat/2012/04/18/ac-ridiculist-sexy-veggies.cnn. Sexy veggies, indeed.

Glad this week has come to a close. It started off positive and sunny then took a bad turn, reminding me not to cry in front of people because it looks ugly and also I can solve my own problems. And I finished a silk scarf. What's next?

A Good Day for Preggos, Stoners and Fiancees!

First the good news: Anne Hathaway got engaged to some guy after three years of dating. Remember her awful swindling ex who might still be in jail? It takes a while to get over that. Maggie Gyllenhaal is knocked up big-time, like about six months gone. Cheers to her and Peter Skarsgaard. Oh wait. Not sure that's his last name but we all know who we're talking about.

I'll address the elephant in the room. Eva Mendes + Ryan Gosling canoodling all over Paris. What the hell? Maybe it's just nookie because I just don't feel the love here. Eva needs older businessman whereas Ryan, well, I want him back with Sandy Bullock. Hot stuff!

Spiderman's Tobey Maguire aka Squeaky McGee is paying up in the poker suit. Whatever that means! Dish doesn't understand the obsession with this game. It's a lose lose. Look what it did to Omar Shariff in Funny Girl.

Miley Cyrus admitted she's a stoner. Dude!

The Post's Andrea Peyser wrote a blood-boiling piece about Natalie Wood: http://www.nypost.com/p/news/national/starlight_blinded_justice_MnE19Wywfd6GrilUR4LopJ. I don't always agree with Peyser but this time, I'm right behind her. Free Natalie's spirit!