Dish Tried to Spy But We Didn't Get There on Time!

Sadly, Dish and TG would make terrible paparazzi! He came home from his workout at Chelsea Piers, passing by the sh*tty High Line (I don't get what the big deal is--it's an elevated sidewalk) and saw a "movie" being filmed. Cool. Happens every day. We eat our mac and cheese and salad. I suggest to him that we spy, maybe do some real investigative journalism. There is hemming and hawing. Maybe we'll watch Sweet Genius and Cupcake Wars and then go. Two hours elapse. Filming takes forever right? We bundle up and walk four avenues over. They were striking the set. I scream at TG to go find out what's happening because he's the one ballsy enough to do it. If he sees Justin Bieber on the street, TG will casually go and ask how he likes his Ferrari. The answer is: They were filming Person of Interest.

That's my huge scoop!

Are you noticing lots of love and hate for Les Miserables? Dish is kind of impressed that there isn't the Oh This Is Automatically Great whitewashing as with Titanic, aka one of the worst movies ever. But I don't feel violent over it. We're all in agreement (except for DishfriendwholovesMattDamon) that Anne Hathaway was mind-blowingly great. Automatic Oscar.

Justin Bieber: Making Love Real

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A Diamond in the Mind Is a Girl's Best Friend

If you even mildly like Duran Duran, you will enjoy their latest concert DVD, A Diamond in the Mind, which had a special Facebook premiere this afternoon (TG was so excited!!!). The boys always give good video. You can buy it here. Just remember, you haven't lived until you've seen Simon Le Bon sing "White Lines" in his glittery shirt. Nick Rhodes rocks a diamond brooch like no one else. The "live" Q&A after was a little snoresville since you could only hear them and they sounded suspiciously like my late grandparents.

Dish watched the last bit of Wimbledon where Roger Federer proved once again that beauty and robotic engineering win out over scrappy Scotland. Can't wait for US Open and shots of icy Anna Wintour and aroused Gavin Rossdale in the stands.

Justin Bieber filed a complaint about a nasty pap, which was why he was speeding down the highway. I don't care. He is dead to me since his reference to the "the Sixteenth Chapel" on Letterman.

Barney Frank married his long-time partner and Sienna Miller popped out a baby. Shazam!

Celebrities in the bathroom: I try not to imagine the stars on the can. For some, I can't help myself: John Goodman, Jenny McCarthy, Judd Hirsch, Fergie...but this weekend, another name was added to my list: George Clooney. Isn't that terrible? He and his lady love got food poisoning in Italy, which only means the middle-aged hunk was perched over a toilet, perhaps with projectiles coming from both ends. I'm seeing her sitting in the bidet while he's on the can and spewing into the bathtub. Let's hope someone was there to remove all evidence of the horror.

Justin Bieber's Fans Saved Tuesday!

These Bieber-lovin' tweens have stamina. All day long they camped outside Dish's window* and screamed. At first, I thought, how cute. Then, how irritating. Then, how awesome! These fans are devoted and strong. I may not be into Justin, but I'll put stock in his powerhouse fans. They would shield you from ANYTHING, especially your getting into J&R. As I stepped onto one subway platform, I witnessed a fan mid-swoon. "Just breathe, honey," the mama said. I totally understand, honey.

Today's gossip was a downer. Fresh from getting his marriage license, Alec Baldwin got into it with a Daily News photog, who filed with the police. AB seems like such a violent a-hole but this means Andrea Peyser will write another venomous column in tomorrow's Post and Twitter feud will ensue, so yeah! My stomach churned further over the Mike Tyson/Spike Lee on Today, blah. A one-man show on Broadway, really? Bobby Brown got married and Roger Clemens found not guilty. I have a hard time believing in the latter's innocence, but god, it was fun watching him pitch way back when.

If things couldn't get worse: Johnny and Vanessa have split. Final nail on coffin. The Mayans are right.

*People across the way must have thought it sad to see a 44 y.o. woman staring out the window at Biebermania while knitting a pink hat. I'm completely insane.

Fans Camped Out for Justin Bieber

...right outside Dish's current window! Who knew that Park Row was actually Bieber Blvd? He's due to arrive early afternoon. The squealing has already begun.

Tuesday's Highlights...

I did not watch the AMAs. Too many morons giving speeches. Taylor Swift won the big one.

Seattle Mariners Greg Halman stabbed to death by his brother. Nice! This is why Dish is not a fan of Thanksgiving. Bad things happen. What about the arrest of the "lone wolf" bomb suspect? Crisis. Must eat brownies.

Rehabbers: Ex-fiancee of Michael Lohan--who beat the crap out of her b/c he was probably wasted too--and tabloid maven Kate Major checked herself in. And bruiser Michael Lohan also checked himself in but it was court ordered. Losers.

The Bachelorette's Ali and Roberto have split. Did Dish call this or what? I didn't even watch the show, my skills of celebrity deduction are *that* good.

Justin Bieber took the DNA test. Dish is taking herself out on a date tomorrow night to Jersey Boys. Cannot wait.

Paging Dr. Nick Rhodes

Oh. Not that kind of doctor, eh? Whatever! The University of Bedfordshire has upgraded Duran Duran keyboardist Nick Rhodes's title with an honorary doctorate. He is easily due for a degree as his deft use of the English language and fabulous spin have done the band proud for 30+ years. Even more admirable is his devotion/contribution to the art world. Dish is holding up her copy of Interference and yelling to Occupy Wall Street Protesters who are so close,"All hail Dr. Rhodes!"

Some incriminating texts have surfaced where Maria Yeater asks a friend to erase texts referring to her baby's real father (who is not Justin Bieber). JACKASS! If you're going to be a gold-digging liar, at least be smart about it. Dr. Rhodes would no doubt suggest a trip to the Whitney as repentance.

Thank goodness for attention-getters and social media addicts because when you're feeling blue, you feel compelled to share with the world. Medics can be at your house within seconds of your suicidal postings. Kim K's former PR person who went on record calling her marriage a sham got the gag order from Kim's lawyers and then had a mournful, self-flagellating hissy. He's getting medical attention, Thank Jesus. Dr. Rhodes would find such public suffering wasteful of a person's shining potential.

JJ just texted Dish: What do we need? A cure for turrets. When do we need it? C*nt! Dr. Rhodes would never use this vocabulary. He would gel with J.J. like cats in a bag.

Almost forgot: Demi is divorcing Ashton. I'm sure it's irreconcilable differences and they'll remain best friends.

Really, People Magazine?

Bradley Cooper is People's Sexiest Man Alive. They get it wrong every year (except for Mark Harmon and JFK jr) but at least it's someone who's reached his prime within a couple years of this issue--and not 10 years prior. I see his eyes and think Serial Killer Who Must Kill Cat Downstairs. Well, he speaks better French than I do and that makes me mad.

I'm starting a new franchise: Hottest Person Who's Six Feet Under. This year, my vote is for Copernicus because he said Earth revolved around the sun, which is HOT.

Alleged With-Bieber-out-of-wedlock-procreator Maria Yeater dropped her paternity suit against the little tyke. Maybe she found a better babydaddy. Like Jesus?

I've relearned a lesson thanks to the most recent Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: Women who starve themselves are more likely to have a crazy meltdown. Witness Taylor going off on the Vanderpump. A normal person with normal blood sugar would accept an apology and explanation and move on. This was truly the precipice of hell itself and, gosh, I hope she's doing better now. I like Taylor, weird party for her child and all.

This pains me: The Iron Lady trailer looks positively wretched. I love Meryl to pieces, but this is a stinker. Or at least the trailer captures the corniest moments with Meryl needing to scale back. Not the Iron Lady but Julia Child--UK! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yDiCFY2zsfc.

Conrad Murray Is Guilty

This verdict wasn't rocket science. Dishfamilymember says propofol is awesome. Not to be used at home. Not to administer and then you leave the room. My melancholy over the verdict exists because this case had so many layers. Michael Jackson was abused/abused himself for decades and now only one person is going to jail. There are many other guilty parties. As in Thackeray's Vanity Fair, there are no heroes here.

Allegedy: Matthew Fox is suing the Cleveland woman who said he punched her in the vadge when she wouldn't let him get on her party bus. That's a country song! Justin Bieber will submit to DNA test to prove he's not the babydaddy and then he's gonna sue the nonbabymama. Herman Cain has a fourth woman, beckybeckybeckystan (I don't know the name, do you?), coming forward to say he did some sexual harassing. Is his campaign over?

Taking the high road: The Kardashians loved the SNL spoof on Kim's marriage. I love that.

Lindsay Lohan served 4.5 hours in jail. Lame! Back to the clubs.

Star Sighting--Hugh Dancy!!!

Texted by DishfriendMel at 3:18pm to say she saw this gem on 41st and 8th Avenue. And Dish was just mentioning Billy Crudup, who is sperm brothers with Hugh who is married to Claire Danes. I first saw Hugh in Evening, one of the crappiest on record with an all-star cast of Claire, Meryl, Vanessa Redgrave and others. It couldn't have sucked more. He was a delight in The Big C. He and Billy C. resemble each other so I can see how Claire Danes got confused in the dark and bonked Hugh by accident while she was with Billy, though I'm just making that up, I don't think it's true.

No Peanuts = Preggo? You learn something new every day! Dish knows nothing about pregnancy other than you can get knocked up sitting on the toilet, you yakk every morning and go through excruciating pain unless you get a scheduled C-section like the stars do. So, Kate Middleton refused something peanut related which the paps took to mean she's got a royal bun in the oven. Really? I thought it was just blue cheese and tunafish you couldn't have. My woman's intuition says Kate isn't pregs yet. Maybe next year.

Courtney Stodden got tit-tested, going on national television to prove her gigantic melons are real. People are starving, celebs are divorcing, the economy is in a tail spin. We worry about this?

Even more important is the trouble Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez are having. Their love must survive. Someone wants to kill adorable Selena and another person claims pre-pubescent Bieber fathered her child. Has the world gone crazy?

Just saw amazingly talented Dishniece in Sweeney Todd, a darling production put on by some crazy college kids. Moved to tears during a couple songs. Dishniece will be famous someday. But will she introduce me to Julia?

What are YOU looking at?

Signora Brunetta Largia Buttica gave an interview in Australia about her newly ended marriage and I couldn't tell if she was really upset, in shock or just playing--the face is that frozen. She did say "you know" repeatedly which demonstrates to me a high level of brainlessness. Dish says "you know" a lot too. I think it started with Gen X. More reading needed.

Today's Star: Ethan Zohn who found out a couple months ago that his Hodgin's Lymphoma had returned. But he is in treatment and we can pray that he sails right through this! He is one of the first celebs I spotted in the city (Grammercy area) so I have a soft spot even though I've never watched Survivor.

The big news is Justin Bieber and his paternity suit. I'm sorry. I didn't realize he'd even gotten his pubes. It seems so verbotten that he's having sex at his age.

This just in: Lindsay Lohan sentenced to 30 days in jail. Which means three hours. Toxicology reports that Bubba Smith died from an overdose of diet pills. Wrong on so many levels. Dish used to take "diet chocolates" at age 12. My grandmother, with whom I was staying, had no idea. The chocolates were so delicious--I kept eating them! Jittery pre-pubescent Dish = scary. I wound up fatter than ever. Diets don't work too well for me. I find if you move your tukkus a little each day, you don't need to diet.

Sheer Genius Casting

Nancy Grace's scenery-chewing and unmoving chin-length blond hair enraged me a little during the Casey Anthony case, but I think her appearance on Dancing With the Stars will be Must-See-TV. I bet she'll be great. Redemption song! Controversy over Chaz Bono's casting and being paired with a woman. I just want to say to those who might be appalled by Chaz dancing with a woman when there are so many other issues that are *actually* appalling: Get a life.

Fans worldwide gasped collectively over news that Justin Bieber was in a car accident. But he's fine! And so is LeAnn Rimes's ex-husband who just got married, thank goodness--it's so face-saving. To keep things narcissistic, Dish noticed his new wife wears heavy black glasses, just like Dish's new Tom Ford's. And now, here's something that will make you laugh and cry.


Confession: I watched Bachelor Pad again. The show has slid into Totally Boring now that they've sent off a pivotal trainwreck. Maybe I'll go back to Proust. Talk about boring....What's not boring: Dish is seeing Duran Duran TWICE within 9 days in October. I accidentally bought seats that are VERY close for one show (too much awesomeness for me). The big question is: Will I have a myocardial infarction?