"Great Role Models for Other Married Couples"

Just when you thought it was safe to scour the internets for wholesome news items, this awesomeness hits you like a sharknado and you Can't Turn Away. I confess, Doug is fantastic actor and I sort of like Courtney Stodden. She's a rude interruptor with gigantic fun bags, but in twenty years, she might rule the world and we won't know how it happened. I suspect her IQ is freakishly high. For now, though, she's a guppy with 0 impulse control.

In Scientology, I scanned a list of celebrity devotees and found...Jeffrey Tambor, acting genius of Arrested Development. REALLY? I'm fascinated.

Today's divorce news: Natasha Henstridge--my very first girl crush--is splitting with her man. Could my ultimate star-fantasy come true, that she and her co-star from The Secret Circle Gale Harold did more than kiss on-screen (I didn't see it but can only assume)? Please say yes. Otherwise, I'll have to watch her with Michael Vartan in little known screen masterpiece It Had to Be You.

Spike Lee released his must watch movies--all men, mostly predictable.

The Bachelorette: Forgive me, feminists, but Brooks is a gigantic pu**y. He's just not that into you, Des.

Star Sighting--Hugh Dancy!!!

Texted by DishfriendMel at 3:18pm to say she saw this gem on 41st and 8th Avenue. And Dish was just mentioning Billy Crudup, who is sperm brothers with Hugh who is married to Claire Danes. I first saw Hugh in Evening, one of the crappiest on record with an all-star cast of Claire, Meryl, Vanessa Redgrave and others. It couldn't have sucked more. He was a delight in The Big C. He and Billy C. resemble each other so I can see how Claire Danes got confused in the dark and bonked Hugh by accident while she was with Billy, though I'm just making that up, I don't think it's true.

No Peanuts = Preggo? You learn something new every day! Dish knows nothing about pregnancy other than you can get knocked up sitting on the toilet, you yakk every morning and go through excruciating pain unless you get a scheduled C-section like the stars do. So, Kate Middleton refused something peanut related which the paps took to mean she's got a royal bun in the oven. Really? I thought it was just blue cheese and tunafish you couldn't have. My woman's intuition says Kate isn't pregs yet. Maybe next year.

Courtney Stodden got tit-tested, going on national television to prove her gigantic melons are real. People are starving, celebs are divorcing, the economy is in a tail spin. We worry about this?

Even more important is the trouble Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez are having. Their love must survive. Someone wants to kill adorable Selena and another person claims pre-pubescent Bieber fathered her child. Has the world gone crazy?

Just saw amazingly talented Dishniece in Sweeney Todd, a darling production put on by some crazy college kids. Moved to tears during a couple songs. Dishniece will be famous someday. But will she introduce me to Julia?

Trick or Treat: Kim Kardashian Filing for Divorce

OMG--and they said it wouldn't last. Can you see how this will prolong the reality show? Jackasses! How casually these brainless boobs treat the sanctity of marriage, though I feel bad for Kris Humphries. He's looked like a deer in headlights from Day 1. So many questions: Will she give back the ring? What about the gifts? Will Kim wind up doing a tearful interview with Baba Wawa? Poor Kim totally upstaged Jessica Simpson who was upstaged 15 years ago by Britney who announced she was preggo.

Even sicker is this picture of Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison dressed as her. They must have the freakiest sex life. This is a Lifetime movie about to erupt. I fear someone will die.

DishFriendwithConnections just showed me recent pics of her with Duran Duran after a concert. I've seen many of these over the years. My future is clear: One day, Dishmama will come home, "Oh I just met this lovely Nick Rhodes at Bergdorf's and we marveled at an emerald tulle cape." Or Dishbrother, "Roger Taylor came in to have his forearms massaged." or DishMatronofHonor: "I met Simon at a drumming ceremony last week. That boy can howl at the moon." Dish will die with Bucket List unresolved. There was an episode of South Park that dealt with this issue but I won't go that far.

Wishing for Julie Bowen's Metabolism....

...but Dish is a little too chill to be a stick-figure. TG and I are catching up television, realizing that Modern Family does have the best writing. It's hard to make TG laugh out loud and this show does it.

James Spader on The Office, very clever overall and given the talented writers and cast, it could pull through without Steve Carrell, just not for more than a couple years.

While I'm a huge Simon Cowell fan, especially since he doesn't subscribe to American attitude of lifting up the talentless, The X Factor hasn't been doing well in the ratings. Could audiences be tired of talent competitions and Glee type shows?

Goldie Hawn's ex-husband Bill Hudson has a new tell-all. Goldie allegedly wanted an open marriage. Color me shocked! The 70s, Warren Beatty, oh God, I don't believe it. I wonder why these cast-aside mates want to write tell-alls? It makes them look bitter and without a hobby. Maybe the money is gone.

Here's another juicy tidbit, Courtney Stodden claims to have been aroused for 24 hours straight on her wedding night and wants to go to the "University of Doug." This really does remind me of high school. The difference in Dishworld was...no wedding night at 16, didn't know any Doug, and I only found arousal in Duran Duran and translating Catullus.

More vile than choice reality stars is the GOP in the most recent debate. Stephen Hill, a gay soldier, was booed for asking about DADT and none of the candidates came to his aid. A very sick party is the Grand OLD Party.

Today was the last day of All My Children. I have it in my queue though will need a lot of Kleenex. Greg and Jenny forever!!! And now Kim Delaney is getting yanked off stage for wobbling and slurring her words. The world has changed.

The End of the World

Not because R.E.M. has broken up but because fame-whores Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison have signed on to do a reality show. We all knew this would happen! What's even worse, Dish is curious to watch. 35-year age difference + religious fervor + underage marriage + questionable musical talent = delicious trainwreck potential. Who needs the public executions of ages past? We have reality. Oh, and R.E.M. broke up. They never did anything for me but a week ago I watched "Losing My Religion" and thought, I get it now. Best of luck to the group in their future projects.

What's real/rumor? Saw non-baby bump pic of Jen, though could be early stages. Brad said bad things about being married to Jen. Now lots of apologies. Jen happy with Justin. Could Brad be jealous? Is Jolie too skinny? Must all be hooey but hard to interpret as benign Pitt's words about his marriage. Also believe Jen's romance is selling more papers than the Pitt/Jolie old news. Yes, I'm on Team Aniston but when it comes to movies, Team Everyone. Moneyball out soon!

Hershey Kiss reports Darren Criss killed on Glee and that anything Darren related is not to be missed. I tend to agree and will catch up anon.

Dish is trying to do Atkins after major meringue creme anglaise dessert last night with TG-Daddy, who is a divine creature and gave me a pen with his name on it.

Were You Shaken Up?

A light has gone off in the music world. This one hit hard since Ashford & Simpson were a staple of my formative years. Motown God Nick Ashford died far too soon at the oh-so young age of 70. Please take a moment to enjoy and cry your eyes out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6DMMjUYvsU&feature=fvst.

Dish was peacefully checking FB when news of the earthquake appeared in status updates. I didn't even feel it! Went out to run an errand and the streets were packed with evacuees. I tried to muster panic, but didn't have one iota of adrenaline. Discussed with therapist my feelings of numbness over the latest earthquake drama and how does this related to my tormented animus. She laughed and said she didn't feel the earthquake either and that there's Nothing Wrong With Me and I Don't Need a Ticket to Shutter Island.

Rumor of the day: Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith split. I didn't believe it when I saw it and, apparently, it's pure bs. Talk about earth-shattering... If you didn't believe in marriage before, here's one that will kill all your innocence. Shocking to think that Doug Hutchison and Courtney Stodden are shopping around a reality show. It really is all about the pathetic train wrecks: http://www.gossipcop.com/courtney-stodden-australian-tv-video-youtube-51-plus-16-sexy-love-years-old-teen-bride-doug-hutchison-dogs-pink-hair-reality-show/.

That said, I'm ashamed that I still can't quit Bachelor Pad.