Star Sighting: Mark Ruffalo!!!

7:52 am crossing 94th and Amsterdam, Mark with his family, seen by Dishbrother who was surprised at how hunkalicious Mark is. He's one of those stars whose gorgeousness sneaks up on you when you're not noticing. Great actor, annoying Ray Romano voice, which puts Dish off. But we approve this sighting.

Dish is in a hurry so quickly:

The sociopath won Bachelor Pad. Utter brilliance. I'm sure dead bodies will appear since the winner showed some unraveling.

True Blood twins have arrived! Ouch.

Kris Jenner and NBC ruined the moment of silence for 9/11. Showing us what's really important.

Watched Katie. Couric is a delight, perfect as a host, but totally overtanned.

Tried to watch War Horse but I'm not into horses and gag reflex started working over Spielberg's swelling music and sweeping landscapes. I don't need my heartstrings to be pulled!!! Give me a rubber shark any day.

Dish is seeing ZZ Top AGAIN TONIGHT!!!

But Before the Democratic Convention Starts

Prince Philip Takes a Cue from Dirty Harry! There's a pic from TMZ where our favorite geezer shows us a member of his royal staff. Sadly, his wang is blocked out and I can't find it anywhere. Oh wait, no I didn't just write that. Sorry, Mom! Curiosity is getting the best of me.

Remember how I said I didn't care about Tom Cruise's personal life? Okay, scratch that. If director Paul Haggis is seconding the Vanity Fair story about Tom's finding a new wife, I'm IN! Now I must find a copy of the mag. And yet, if that's how Tom wants to find a wife, it's very efficient. Arranged marriage are really not so awful as long as both parties are complicit.

Nicki Minaj is voting Republican. You just never know which side the stars fall on, so I had to Google a little. Registered Republicans include Adam Sandler, Heather Locklear, Dean Cain, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Jessica Simpson, Susan Lucci, Bruce Willis, Kelsey Grammer. Registered Democrats that surprised me a little: Eminem, Faith Hill, Hulk Hogan, Jerry Springer, Jack Nicholson, Harrison Ford.

Bachelor Pad was so ugly last night, especially the ugly crying. Ed is useless, which made him a perfect match for Jaclyn who is horrid (fake or real horrid, I can't decide). As the season progresses I feel sorry for her because she so obviously is in love with this loser, who gives the lamest excuses for rejecting her while continuing to bang her.

If you want to know more about how Julia smells. Dish is running to a Lancome counter as we speak...

And watching the DNC. Let the gasbags begin!

Prince Harry's Hairy Unveiling

It was only a matter of time, right? Some racy nude photos have surfaced of His Royal Firecrotch's time in Vegas and I must say he works out FOR SHAME, Dish's Favorite Rascally Royal! Dish used to do similar unveilings at age 2. Once, I ran out into the snow stark naked. The British monarchy had it good for a few years and now it's f*cked again.

I feel like the world is going to hell and December 21, 2012, that much closer to our demise. Rosie O'Donnell had a heart attack, and in last night's Bachelor Pad, that evil Erica sent home a beloved character. This is probably why Amanda Bynes got into another car accident.

Oh...and Hilary Swank is single again. She's such a serial monogamist. I don't have fun following her love life. Dish needs more tumult, the essential ingredient in any celebrity relationship.

And now, to bed before the vampires take my blood in the morning...

Oh Oh Oh Oh!

That's my homage to Welcome Back Kotter's Ron Palillo aka Horshack who died at age 63 (heart attack, I'm reading). Will the stars just stay alive, please? The wheels on this treadmill are too fast for Dish. With gnashing shark teeth, the year 2012 has devoured so many of my idols. Rest in peace, dear Ron.

As I watched wicked Chris sleep with two women within the course of last night's Bachelor Pad, I realized ew and that my obsession with the show must be inherent misogyny and self-loathing. So why the giddiness? The women on the show (except for Lyndzi and Sarah) are pretty heinous. The men, more affable. There's an obvious disparity between the sexes. So why can't I boycott this candy?

Oh...and if you hadn't noticed: 10 more days until I see Duran Duran again! TG is escorting me to Connecticut, will walk me to the hall but refuses to attend (IMAGINE!).Knowing him, he will inadvertently run into Simon Le Bon and they'll become lifelong friends. THIS IS HOW FATE WORKS. Please, anyone and everyone, if you know them, tell them Dish has waited 30 years for a handshake and a chance to say thank you. Until then, I'll dance and lose my voice screaming. http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/showbiz/2012/08/07/cnn-music-duran-duran.cnn. In this area of life, I will always be 14.

16 Years without a Wedding Means...

...He's just not that into you but I do allow for special circumstances. For instance, if TG and I were just together forever without a ring, I would have been okay. I adore him, I trust him, he cracks me up. It shocks me that we got married. I know many couples that transcend this He's Just Not That Into You thing. BUTTTT... After two kids, a popular reality show where much face was sucked only to get engaged to "on off" girlfriend of over 16 years, I thought, WTF, Bret Michaels? Many of my middle-aged friends were secretly crushed. Pre-TG, I had wanted to submit myself onto Rock of Love so that I could be the freak who can't stomach kissing him or stripping while ironing his t-shirts. He would pick me, the icy librarian girl, and I'd get my own show because I am that delusional. The stringy fake hair and unwashed look does nothing for me, though. I would last ten minutes on a tour bus. Dishfriend partied with Bret several times way back when and says he's super nice. But not the marrying kind since word came that his long relaysh with Kristi Gibson is at an end. Please let this begin a new skank-fest show.

TG is not speaking to me because I'm watching Bachelor Pad and our room is small. Earplugs. One more person in here and we'd have a Sartre play.

The End of the World

Not because R.E.M. has broken up but because fame-whores Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison have signed on to do a reality show. We all knew this would happen! What's even worse, Dish is curious to watch. 35-year age difference + religious fervor + underage marriage + questionable musical talent = delicious trainwreck potential. Who needs the public executions of ages past? We have reality. Oh, and R.E.M. broke up. They never did anything for me but a week ago I watched "Losing My Religion" and thought, I get it now. Best of luck to the group in their future projects.

What's real/rumor? Saw non-baby bump pic of Jen, though could be early stages. Brad said bad things about being married to Jen. Now lots of apologies. Jen happy with Justin. Could Brad be jealous? Is Jolie too skinny? Must all be hooey but hard to interpret as benign Pitt's words about his marriage. Also believe Jen's romance is selling more papers than the Pitt/Jolie old news. Yes, I'm on Team Aniston but when it comes to movies, Team Everyone. Moneyball out soon!

Hershey Kiss reports Darren Criss killed on Glee and that anything Darren related is not to be missed. I tend to agree and will catch up anon.

Dish is trying to do Atkins after major meringue creme anglaise dessert last night with TG-Daddy, who is a divine creature and gave me a pen with his name on it.

Where's My Address? I Mean Mattress?

Seriously, Dish has been making all kinds of fatigue-induced gaffes today, mostly to herself. It was a special day because I got to meet a beloved famous person. Pics were taken and I'll post them when I feel safer and less jinxey. Details to come on how it happened.

Holy hellfire has sprouted a sheet of ice and if you wear your James Cameron 3-D glass, you can see Satan is tap dancing like a happy fool. Dick and Lynn Cheney have come out in favor of gay marriage: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/09/13/dick-cheney-gay-marriage_n_960874.html. Did I just eat a dream cookie? Talk about yay!

In yuck, former Bosox baseballer Manny Ramirez was arrested for domestic violence, i.e. slugging his wife. Do I have to say it again? Never date/marry an athlete.

Catching my breath with Bachelor Pad (spoiler alert): I spent the two hours mostly starting at Vienna's nose job and extensions. She used to have this marvelous dip to her schnozz and now it's gone. The hair is not really blond and really not real. I don't get what she's doing, though her diva-tude becomes boring without another talent. Jake and Casey, redeemed. Erica has become the Oracle of Delphi. Holly is pure love, which is why she attracts men. I loved Michelle this season, as opposed to her appearance on The Bachelor with Brad's season. Intro of new bachelor who could be one of my former students so I cannot watch. He's like 12. By reading this, you would think that I am a fan of the Bachelor franchise but I've only watched it once. The above show came on by accident during a vulnerable moment and I got sucked in.

And now to rest. Dish might be on television soon. It's been a good day. Now I see why people want to be on TV. We're ready for more offers, but I have to run off this dream cookie. 500 calories.

Thank Zeus It's the Weekend

Did you watch Obama's jobs speech last night? An ardent believer that Hillary would have been better, I couldn't tear myself away and felt this speech was more powerful than others. Now let's see if anything happens. Dish doesn't get involved in politics.

As you all know, Duran Duran is touring and I'm feeling that pang, like, everyone and their mother has met them, but not Dish. I've had friends play tennis with them, attend weddings with them, work on projects with them, party with them, and John Taylor even knew of my existence for a few minutes in 1986. Despite this, I've always been a day late, maybe for my own good. This angst is fourteen-years-old of me but there you go. I've workshopped it, therapized it, put it in the safe, homey cottage but it's still there, 30 years later. To be honest, my life is complete without fulfillment of this adolescent dream. I am spoiled enough to see them in concert twice next month. Here is Duran Duran accepting their GQ Lifetime Achievement Award: http://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/men-of-the-year/home/winners-2011/video-duran-duran-alex-james-outstanding.

There's another vague terrorist threat for the anniversary of 9/11 and I have to say: HOW CLICHE, terrorists. It seems like a ploy to pit Americans against the Middle East.

Dish is fully jaded upon seeing evidence that Ella from Bachelor Pad, the one who's just scrapin' by and has to win the quarter mill to feed her son y'all, HAS HAD ALL THIS PLASTIC SURGERY. She was a knockout before! I shouldn't be surprised. Then there are skeleton-pics of the new, shrunken Ali Lohan who seems headed on the same path as her sister.

To lift my spirits, I'm going to try to get TG to watch one of my two favorite feel-good movies: The Lives of Others or Ordinary People. I wore him down to watch Notting Hill. I will do it again. Such is the power of Dish.

And God Said, Let There Be Gale and Natasha

As you may know, Gale Harold was my imaginary boyfriend from 2005-2009. We broke up when TG arrived on the scene, which made Gale cry. Now that some time has gone by and we've both healed, I view his work with joy detachment. Gale-aholics, you must already know he stars with goddess Natasha Henstridge in The Secret Circle (9/15) where they both are Hot As Beans, Witch-Style! Their combined gorgeousness might cancel each other out on screen. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EWK0vfwYhqA. I don't have high hopes for witch shows after my beloved Eastwick got axed, but this one has Gale and where there's Gale, there's a hit show (except for Vanished, Hellcats). Anderson Cooper's Anderson talk show (9/12) also starts, which should be tons of fun. Oooh, and Sarah Michelle Gellar's Ringer. Gotta watch!

Blake and Holly from Bachelor Pad are ENGAGED! I love this pair because they seem equally bubble-headed and nice, plus Michael was being a controlling tool and their relaysh had too much baggage. Dish feels one should never go back to an ex.

Candace Bushnell's novels are Dish's guilty pleasure and now I read that One Fifth Avenue is being made into TV series. It's no Jeffrey Eugenides, but I would never turn down an NYC-based Melrose Place! Hand me a cocktail and a bikini and I'm there. Oh wait, New York City. Hand me an Ambien and a pleather jacket and I'm there!

What's the big deal with SkinnyGirl Margarita pulled from shelves of Whole Foods? TG is crying buckets over this news. Is everything at Whole Foods really ALL natural? I'm not sure I believe this.

FYI--Halloween and Little House on the Prairie do not mix! Avoid at all costs. I don't like to see Half Pint all freaked out over Nells possibly beheading Mrs. Oleson-not even believable. Nells is such a p________.

Sheer Genius Casting

Nancy Grace's scenery-chewing and unmoving chin-length blond hair enraged me a little during the Casey Anthony case, but I think her appearance on Dancing With the Stars will be Must-See-TV. I bet she'll be great. Redemption song! Controversy over Chaz Bono's casting and being paired with a woman. I just want to say to those who might be appalled by Chaz dancing with a woman when there are so many other issues that are *actually* appalling: Get a life.

Fans worldwide gasped collectively over news that Justin Bieber was in a car accident. But he's fine! And so is LeAnn Rimes's ex-husband who just got married, thank goodness--it's so face-saving. To keep things narcissistic, Dish noticed his new wife wears heavy black glasses, just like Dish's new Tom Ford's. And now, here's something that will make you laugh and cry.


Confession: I watched Bachelor Pad again. The show has slid into Totally Boring now that they've sent off a pivotal trainwreck. Maybe I'll go back to Proust. Talk about boring....What's not boring: Dish is seeing Duran Duran TWICE within 9 days in October. I accidentally bought seats that are VERY close for one show (too much awesomeness for me). The big question is: Will I have a myocardial infarction?

Were You Shaken Up?

A light has gone off in the music world. This one hit hard since Ashford & Simpson were a staple of my formative years. Motown God Nick Ashford died far too soon at the oh-so young age of 70. Please take a moment to enjoy and cry your eyes out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6DMMjUYvsU&feature=fvst.

Dish was peacefully checking FB when news of the earthquake appeared in status updates. I didn't even feel it! Went out to run an errand and the streets were packed with evacuees. I tried to muster panic, but didn't have one iota of adrenaline. Discussed with therapist my feelings of numbness over the latest earthquake drama and how does this related to my tormented animus. She laughed and said she didn't feel the earthquake either and that there's Nothing Wrong With Me and I Don't Need a Ticket to Shutter Island.

Rumor of the day: Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith split. I didn't believe it when I saw it and, apparently, it's pure bs. Talk about earth-shattering... If you didn't believe in marriage before, here's one that will kill all your innocence. Shocking to think that Doug Hutchison and Courtney Stodden are shopping around a reality show. It really is all about the pathetic train wrecks: http://www.gossipcop.com/courtney-stodden-australian-tv-video-youtube-51-plus-16-sexy-love-years-old-teen-bride-doug-hutchison-dogs-pink-hair-reality-show/.

That said, I'm ashamed that I still can't quit Bachelor Pad.

Psssssssssssssssssssssssss, Mon Bladder Is, How You Say, Overflowing...

When the flight attendant told him to wait to use the loo, Gerard Depardieu peed in the aisle. They had to clean for 2 hours after. Il make le powerful Whizz. Witnesses said he was tanked. His camp said he tried to peed in a bottle but spilled some on the carpet. "What a foul man," TG said, strong words since we are both Francophiles.

Still sad about Russell Armstrong's suicide. I watched RHoBH, therefore, I knew him personally. No really, it's the kind of news that makes you remember how much -- Julia says it best -- nonsense it all is. Love is the answer.

You know, I've been reading Gossipcop.com for a while and it's harshing my mellow. All these outlandish--obviously untrue--headlines are soundly rejected as false. How sassy of them to go against the fun lies? Though their writers are quite engaging.

The news today hasn't been good so I consoled myself with the latest Bachelor Pad (I know, I said I wouldn't) and wound up in tears at the end over a touching gesture of love between two contestants. If you watch, you know what I'm talking about. There *are* some normal people on these shows. Everyone else is barking crazy.

There Is Balance in the Universe

Kate Plus 8 has been cancelled. Let's hope this is a trend in reality shows. Ruth Madoff has divorced her atrocious husband, though I'm not sure there was much choice. The Office has the foresight not to replace Steve Carrell, knowing they have an excellent ensemble. Then...Billy Crystal allegedly wants to host the Oscars, though Dish is not of the opinion that he's the ONLY one who can host. Heidi Klum went topless in Sardinia. Don't you feel better?

Dish will try to refrain from watching Bachelor Pad, but not much hope for resisting on The Closer and Rizzoli & Isles.

I Wish I Could Quit You!

I lasted 24 hours without a blog. The second I determined to end, the news just kept pouring into my brain. I tried to read. I took a walk. I read a couple pages of a Latin textbook to refresh my talent. Crocheted a row of a baby blanket. Watched two episodes of Snapped and flashed my husband a gleaming smile. It's too late for me to shut off the noise.

Yesterday, I might have seen Rupert Everett circa 1pm on 18th and 7th. The Rupert I saw had super-Gingie hair, like Dish's. He might have gotten into a strange fight with a bottle of bleach/henna. If it wasn't Rupert, it was the product of a night of passion between Rupert and Prince Harry. That's twisted, even for me.

TMZ reports that Camille Grammer hints that Kelsey's wiener is small. Very tacky and even tackier that I would repeat this news. Camille was one of the housewives I liked, after all. Millions of dollars must have helped make the medicine go down for thirteen years of marriage with Kelsey. It's funny these things come out after the fact.

A fun entity to follow on Twitter: @condeelevator. The anonymous person in charge would so get fired if caught. Which makes the stakes higher. I see a movie deal.

Former teen idol (I have no idea why, David Cassidy way cuter) Leif Garrett was in a serious motorcycle accident. He has whizzed his life away. Uck, the news is so depressing: Rick Perry is running for President, though this helps Obama's chances, doesn't it? My sister-in-law, who lives in Texas, says not to predict any campaign. Still want Hillary....

Still feeling unclean after watching Bachelor Pad.

Duran Duran Appreciation Day

I'm not sure why this is Duran Duran Appreciation Day. As far as I'm concerned, that should be every day.

Dish woke up at 5am to watch the truly atrocious Bachelor Pad--mostly to see the Vienna and Jake nonsense. They could all be used as landfill (something TG might say).

Dish might be taking a break from Dish. It seems futile to dish when there is so much other dish for others to read. I love reading tabloids but I loved more writing for a celebrity-adoring audience. After five years, what is the point dishing to my inner circle? I could just talk to them directly about my feelings regarding Jennifer Aniston's sex life, Ashton's taking over for feckless Sheen, or Lady GaGa's latest baloney sandwich costume.

What is the point of a blog, aside from being watered down celebrity theory? Perhaps it's time to infiltrate. Deep cover Dish. And as always, Duran Duran forever. And Julia.