It's a Good Thing I'm Home

Can I just say that the world went to hell with Dish and TG in France? Three senseless--and young--celebrity deaths (RIP, Lee Thompson Young, Gia Allemand and Lisa Robin Kelly), Criminal Minds's Thomas Gibson catfished (with totally embarrassing hot tub video--and yes, I had to look up what catfished meant) and an online feud between between Perez Hilton and Lady Gaga, Katie Couric and Kim Kardashian. Can we all simmer down, believe in ourselves and take stock of what's good in our lives again?

It's okay now. We're home.

Vacation verdict: It was so wonderful to experience Paris with TG. We dined, walked, spoke French, and our digestive tracts will never be the same. As we took in sumptuous sights, I also realized how much I love being a New Yorker (even though I hate it too, which is so New York).

Lady Gag Yakks This Way

WTF is wrong with these performers? Yesterday, Lady GaGa puked several times on stage during a concert. This is not cool. If you're sick, get off the f*cking stage. It's okay if you suddenly sh*t your pants on stage because we likely won't see it and be scarred by the image. Plus, an emergency fecal evacuation can occur without warning especially if you eat kale, which is Drano disguised as a cute plant. It would be refreshing to see, say, Bono sh*t on stage, don't you think? I guess I'm just puke-intolerant. I will never pay money to see Lady Gag or Justin Barfer. I don't buy the flu and mixing spaghetti/milk excuse BS either. These days, though, everything's okay, right? Not holding the door open for people, puking on stage, loud cell talking in quiet area, it's all good.

What cooled my quiet WASP rage was catching up on 666 Park Avenue. Dish loves to curl up with a good story about the devil. Who better to play Lucipoo but the creepy cueball from Lost. I forget his name. Dishfriendsincediapers gave me advance warning that on last night's episode her friendsincecollege actor Michael Lewis--and fellow redhead--would get murdered on the show. Dish has met Michael twice, so of course, he's my dear celebrity friend. He was fantastic as the greasy exterminator. But why would Cueball kill him since we know redheads already have no soul? Wouldn't he be a perfect minion for Satan? Plus, ML is one of the few on the show who really acted and commanded the screen without all the bells and whistles. Puzzling indeed.

The Dev is totally working overtime by splitting up Danny Devito and Rhea Perlman who have been a couple fixture for decades and decades. Who's next, Tom and Rita? No, I shouldn't have said that. Please no. I couldn't take that.

So, in the mystery of Madame X's disappearance, well, it's now a cold case. I've let it go.

Lady Gaga Gains Weight, World Falls Apart: Coincidence?

It was a stinker of a week but for one shimmering moment, I had the pleasure of seeing recent pictures of Lady GaGa, who apparently has packed on a few pounds. Oh, Lady, I'm so with you! I didn't Google out of schadenfreude since I wouldn't schaden a Gaga with talent. No, I did it because I need permission to let myself go. If Lady GaGa can do it, then by Jebus, I will eat the coconut donut I saved for TG. I will take the day off from working out because I'm freaking tired. Gaga doesn't look the least bit miserable and neither does Aguilera. Let's all get fat. I mean, the ones who spent so much time starving themselves for The Business. It's time to eat. The rest of you, go back to your broccoli and salmon and treadmill. Dr. Oz says that eating right will help the economy. He had a long explanation but I won't go into it.

Dish snuck in The Romantics, a 2010 indie flick starring a host of good-looking stars such as Katie Holmes, Josh Duhamel, Anna Paquin, Malin Akerman and Elijah Wood. As I watched the semi-cliche, I realized that Katie really can act. She has some authentic moments in the film, which made me appraise her repertoire (I'm sure you have too). The public automatically labeled her as mediocre because she married you-know-who but we haven't given her a fair shake. For now, sure, admire her tallness and perfect face, then put your silver medal on this cookie. The gold will come. (Though, she was blah in Batman Begins)

Here's why I love Sarah Silverman.

Rest in Peace, MCA

Overheard today in Manhattan: "Oh, Taylor was totally his beard because Jake is totally gay."

My ears twitched over this. Jake Gyllenhaal? So those bro-dates with Matthew McConaughey and Lance Armstrong might have been leisurely sojourns in a steamy Queer As Folk lust-fest? Did anyone catch this on film? This is what happens when you're really good in Brokeback Mountain. I wish I cared more about Jake's sexuality. I just assume the stars will do anything for anyone. I'd rather see the Gyllengod in a good movie!

Oh, speaking of, Rob Lowe supposedly will be in another embarrassing Lifetime movie--related to Casey Anthony. Lifetime is where stars go to die but I love, love, love this network and 90% of their movies (I didn't care for the one with Cameron Mathison and the other babe from All My Children--The Wife He Met Online). A news clusterfudge: Still loving The Conversation, though it's sounding like therapy for Amanda. She listens to the ladies then relates it to her life. Oh wait, that's what a conversation is. That Lady Gaga talks like a girl in her 40s. No way is she 25. The Quaids (of Dennis) are getting back together. Ain't love grand? Did they Dr. Phil-it or is this because of a sh*tty settlement?

Can't you see I'm skirting around today's tragedy? The 80s generation (and beyond) lost one of its own--Adam Yauch, MCA of the Beastie Boys, passed away after a battle with cancer. I loved the Beastie Boys at really loud college parties where you just let your sh*t go. Dish did this every now and then (a keg was usually involved)--they were awesome. During the day, their noise seemed like noise, though I always appreciated what they brought to music. This is a terrible loss. RIP, MCA! This is for you!

A Little Gossip ...

Finally, Dish and TG were in the Boston Globe. I would put the link but my husband likes to remain anonymous (i.e. not linked to this celebrity drivel) But if you Google Boston Globe and "Falling in love with the boy next door" ...you'll find us!

So the big ado is that singing superstar Adele only got 6 Grammy nominations. What a stinking whore of a singer she must be with only 6! Gaga got 3, which means her career is over. Still can't believe Kanye got nominated for anything other than being atonal, fashionable and angry ...

Here's why Mitt Romney and the Republicans are tools, preaching fear and loathing: http://technorati.com/politics/article/mitt-romney-signs-anti-gay-pledge/. So behind the times. I'm not interested in Obama but this leaves me with no choice, other than not voting.

Let's end on a happy note with The Promulgation of Julia. Click on this link to see her even lovelier than she's ever been. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/12/01/julia_n_1122836.html?ref=entertainment. I am not a lesbian.

Desperate is not Serious

Desperate Housewives. Really bad. Someone who deserved to die died and now the wives are desperate to cover it up even though none of them did it. Plot hole city! What do you do when a show is flailing? Bring in the hunks. Enter the Scottish rogue who turned down Vanessa Williams. Throughout the whole episode, Dish kept thinking: this show needs Susan Lucci STAT! She better come quick because I don't know if I can stand any more. Saw first few minutes of Pan Am--great costumes, just okay.

Bullying: It's all over the news these days. Where was this furor when I was a kid? I wasn't gay, unathletic, too studious or even odd. I was a redhead! Dish got bullied all the time in middle school. Even today, I deal with adult bullies at least every other day and just swallow my rage. I'm glad that bullies will be ostracized, they're awful but...why all the coddling now when bullies are EVERYWHERE and always have been? Please don't send me hate mail. I am heartbroken that kids are committing suicide over bullies. I'm just bitter because fat little J_____ didn't get thrown in jail for making my life miserable. Though I did kick his voluminous butt one day when I'd reached my limit, even though he outweighed me by 100 pounds and had slower reflexes. Maybe there does need to be more policing since kids have more lethal weapons today...and they use them. With Lady GaGa involved, something might get done.

Dish is seeing Moneyball at the Director's Guild tonight. Excited! Love movies involving sports.

Did You Watch the VMAs?

The big news was that Beyonce is preggo. The baby is due in February (which in celeb-speak means January). Dish thinks she looks a little further along than 3 or 4 months. I'm thinking Beyonce is America's sweetheart and has been for a very long time. And preggo or not, she danced her face off on last night's show. So, the VMAs were just okay. Nothing too drastic other than Gaga's being in drag, her monologue and flirting with Britney. I would have loved to see a makeout session but Brit has become very Stepford of late. I guess she doesn't want to shock her "babies." Actually, it would have been funner to see Kanye and Jay Z make out. The VMAs reminded me of how much I love Bruno Mars.

A shocker of a twist: It seems Lost star Matthew Fox punched a woman in Cleveland after she wouldn't let him on her party bus. It's tough once you're no longer on a hit show. Also tough knowing that you're not the greatest actor but can do the good-guy thing really, really well--but so can Jon Tenney and Michael Vartan and Vartan's biggest vice seems to be online poker (which he admitted on Regis and Kelli and, yes, it's sad that I know this). Bad things (and bad TV shows) happen in Cleveland. Punching a woman in face/stomach = in need of serious therapy and, oh, I don't know...JAIL?

Duran Duran Appreciation Day

I'm not sure why this is Duran Duran Appreciation Day. As far as I'm concerned, that should be every day.

Dish woke up at 5am to watch the truly atrocious Bachelor Pad--mostly to see the Vienna and Jake nonsense. They could all be used as landfill (something TG might say).

Dish might be taking a break from Dish. It seems futile to dish when there is so much other dish for others to read. I love reading tabloids but I loved more writing for a celebrity-adoring audience. After five years, what is the point dishing to my inner circle? I could just talk to them directly about my feelings regarding Jennifer Aniston's sex life, Ashton's taking over for feckless Sheen, or Lady GaGa's latest baloney sandwich costume.

What is the point of a blog, aside from being watered down celebrity theory? Perhaps it's time to infiltrate. Deep cover Dish. And as always, Duran Duran forever. And Julia.