Lovers' Quarrel?

The second I saw this picture years ago, I went on an imaginary gay safari filled with conversations and wild orgies I could hear/see from my zipcar window. No way is this not gay, I thought, until I remembered what it was like to be a cycle widow. This sight is a familiar one. The boys take a few bong hits and go out for a nine-hour ride, roaming in colorful packs and stopping in bagel and burger places along the way. They talk about their asses, the latest gossip and whose ass is the fattest. It's not gay, but a little gay adjacent. So I have to pin all my hopes on a liaison between Gyllenhaal and McConaughey. With his doobies, drums, trance-like beach yoga, Matty must get the sexes confused now and then. And Jake, I'm sure he paid to make out with Heath Ledger because that would be a logical thing to do. I mean, have you seen that movie? I know the truth must be very boring, but a girl can dream, right? I'm just trying to jazz up their stories. Don't ride too close to MM because he doesn't wear deodorant.

But what was the original point? Oh right. So Matthew was upset about Lance's doping, but he understood why his friend would keep it a secret--because Lance didn't want to burden Matthew with the knowledge of his doping. If that's not love, I don't know what is.

I'm a huge fan of the Post's Linda Stasi. Her insight always hits me the right way. She got me to bump off Real Housewives from my DVR and watch Kevin Bacon in The Following instead. I can't resist serial killer stories.

Saw the inauguration (sp?). Beyonce CAN sing. But not liking Michelle's bangs. I don't think they look good even on Anna Wintour. Oh god, maybe I've gone too far.

Since I can only stick to a "diet" for one week, I'm doing a year of diets. Last week, I started meditating. Didn't make a bit of difference. This week, no Facebook, unless summoned.

Rising Above the Shaky Camera in End of Watch

Ever since Blair Witch and Traffic, Dish has hated the oh-so artistic shaky camera and whiplash editing styles of today's filmmakers. I understand you have to show Stress, Desperation and a Sense of Urgency, but can't you do that without turning my stomach?

It was with great trepidation that Dish went to last night's Director's Guild showing of Jake Gyllencute's End of Watch. I did it for Jake and Michael Pena, both of whose work I've enjoyed over many years. After about 20 minutes, I got used to the shaky camera even though it still pissed me off. This flick is a delight and one of the few cop/buddy movies that seemed realistic, without the usual law enforcement baloney. Gyllenhaal and Pena are credible as cops who deal with enormous stress and boredom on a daily basis. I highly recommend. Really hope this gets some Oscar attention since it's well deserved for both actors.

Jake and Michael (I can first name them) came out afterwards for a Q&A session. I was stunned at how articulate they both were, as if they each had college degrees and read actual books. In fact, they were mega-nerds. Such wits, the boys were so obviously into their "craft." Some superficiliaties: Jake is not a super-stud in person, not so tall either. He has a nasty beard and seems very mountain-man-ish or still recovering from 90s grunge. Dishbrother and I ditched our Jake-napping plans immediately. After the Q&A sesh, we walked out, slowing down so that we could catch up with Jake-i-poo. Wearing the usual star-baseball-cap, he walked unnoticed with some friends, then whipped out a cigarette. We shadowed him for about a block, then realized we were too old/not losers to keep following him.

In other news, as the Middle East freaks out over that silly film (which I'm surprised anyone takes seriously because it's so stupid), Europe keeps sucking on the teet of exploitation with topless pics of Kate Middleton. Mitt Romney is trying to be hip by saying he likes Snooki. Please, don't insult us. She is so three years ago.

In This Time of Crisis...

...a French magazine has nothing better to do than publish photos of Kate Middleton topless, thereby spoiling our visions of her in sleek solid dresses and skyscraper heels. Now all we see are her tatas. Celebrity breasts are invading the world!

I'm going to escape Mammary Cove with a Director's Guild viewing of End of Watch, starring Jake Gyllenhaal, who will appear in person for a Q&A session. It goes without saying that Dish and Dishbrother's gorgeosity will make it hard for Jakeipoo to concentrate. But we're married, therefore, off limits. And yet, I wouldn't mind a peck on the cheek because those are the lips that kissed Heath Ledger, one of my favorite actors ever. Jake is no slouch either. Maybe if Maggie shows, we could go out on a double sibling date.

On this double sibling date, I'd ask all kinds of questions. Like how Maggie felt taking over for Katie Holmes in the Batman movies. Did Jake like dating Reese or was she a total bitch? No, she was probably awesome. Why wouldn't she be? What was with the homoerotic workout fests with Jake, McConaughey and Lance? And is Peter Skarsgard (or whatever), Maggie's husband, still running in barefoot sneakers or did he give them up as Dish did? I think I'd have more in common with Maggie though it's not as if this is Duran Duran.

I'm sure I'll still need a Snickers to relax.

Rest in Peace, MCA

Overheard today in Manhattan: "Oh, Taylor was totally his beard because Jake is totally gay."

My ears twitched over this. Jake Gyllenhaal? So those bro-dates with Matthew McConaughey and Lance Armstrong might have been leisurely sojourns in a steamy Queer As Folk lust-fest? Did anyone catch this on film? This is what happens when you're really good in Brokeback Mountain. I wish I cared more about Jake's sexuality. I just assume the stars will do anything for anyone. I'd rather see the Gyllengod in a good movie!

Oh, speaking of, Rob Lowe supposedly will be in another embarrassing Lifetime movie--related to Casey Anthony. Lifetime is where stars go to die but I love, love, love this network and 90% of their movies (I didn't care for the one with Cameron Mathison and the other babe from All My Children--The Wife He Met Online). A news clusterfudge: Still loving The Conversation, though it's sounding like therapy for Amanda. She listens to the ladies then relates it to her life. Oh wait, that's what a conversation is. That Lady Gaga talks like a girl in her 40s. No way is she 25. The Quaids (of Dennis) are getting back together. Ain't love grand? Did they Dr. Phil-it or is this because of a sh*tty settlement?

Can't you see I'm skirting around today's tragedy? The 80s generation (and beyond) lost one of its own--Adam Yauch, MCA of the Beastie Boys, passed away after a battle with cancer. I loved the Beastie Boys at really loud college parties where you just let your sh*t go. Dish did this every now and then (a keg was usually involved)--they were awesome. During the day, their noise seemed like noise, though I always appreciated what they brought to music. This is a terrible loss. RIP, MCA! This is for you!