Lovers' Quarrel?

The second I saw this picture years ago, I went on an imaginary gay safari filled with conversations and wild orgies I could hear/see from my zipcar window. No way is this not gay, I thought, until I remembered what it was like to be a cycle widow. This sight is a familiar one. The boys take a few bong hits and go out for a nine-hour ride, roaming in colorful packs and stopping in bagel and burger places along the way. They talk about their asses, the latest gossip and whose ass is the fattest. It's not gay, but a little gay adjacent. So I have to pin all my hopes on a liaison between Gyllenhaal and McConaughey. With his doobies, drums, trance-like beach yoga, Matty must get the sexes confused now and then. And Jake, I'm sure he paid to make out with Heath Ledger because that would be a logical thing to do. I mean, have you seen that movie? I know the truth must be very boring, but a girl can dream, right? I'm just trying to jazz up their stories. Don't ride too close to MM because he doesn't wear deodorant.

But what was the original point? Oh right. So Matthew was upset about Lance's doping, but he understood why his friend would keep it a secret--because Lance didn't want to burden Matthew with the knowledge of his doping. If that's not love, I don't know what is.

I'm a huge fan of the Post's Linda Stasi. Her insight always hits me the right way. She got me to bump off Real Housewives from my DVR and watch Kevin Bacon in The Following instead. I can't resist serial killer stories.

Saw the inauguration (sp?). Beyonce CAN sing. But not liking Michelle's bangs. I don't think they look good even on Anna Wintour. Oh god, maybe I've gone too far.

Since I can only stick to a "diet" for one week, I'm doing a year of diets. Last week, I started meditating. Didn't make a bit of difference. This week, no Facebook, unless summoned.

Armstrong Armstrong

Legendary spacewalker Neil Armstrong took that giant leap into the hereafter. Now here's someone who achieved greatness. I was one when all the cool space sh*t went down. Now it's old hat. The Curiosity? Yeah, I went to Mars yesterday...on my bike.

The other Armstrong, Lance, chose to cave to the doping charges and let his accusers strip him of his Tour de France medals. The best decision, really. It would have gone on forever and life is too short. Cycling is a beastly sport with soooo much doping and ways to beat the tests. If you know in your heart you won, who needs a medal? He was nasty to my friend so I can't say I'm sad.

Duran Duran canceled their Atlantic City concert tonight because Nick Rhodes is ill and has been for a few days. I'd be sick too with their grueling travel schedule. In fact, I wouldn't last a week. The last twenty-four hours of travel alone have me dizzy. So glad I chose Foxwoods instead...

The Feds Looking Askance at Lance!

There are new/old doping allegations against athlete Lance Armstrong. Dish is too close to this issue--one degree of separation. They'll throw me in the slammer over what I think I know. Okay, maybe that's overstating. Lance told my friend her legs were fat and then she made him an egg-white omelet. This was years ago, before he was LANCE. First of all, Dishfriend's body is HOT and cycle-toned for life so we kinda hate him. Second, as a former cycle widow* I learned that doping is everywhere in the cycling world. How else to get through races? How else to deal with nine-hour rides except with a little herbal infusion? Thankfully, my ex-cycle-BFs* were fairly clean in races and had moral codes with respect to the sport (but were dirty dogs in other respects). This new Lance bombshell doesn't surprise me.

Yay: Emily Maynard is reportedly engaged to one of her bachelors! Can't wait to hear which one. Blah: Chris Brown and Drake's entourage allegedly brawled in a NYC nightclub. I've had enough of this dirtbag.

Dish is bitter. Screw SJP and Obama and their fundraiser dinner. 100$ down the toilet. If they don't want me in their home, I don't want their duck confit salad and quinoa tartlettes either!!! (Just kidding. I'd kill for some quinoa and O face time)


*Never date an athlete.
**Yes, more than one. More than two. It was a dark period in Dishlore.