Vote-Eve (Candles + Anderson)360

Dish loves algebraic expression (see above). I feel so much excitement over the election. Cannot wait to pull an all-nighter tomorrow to watch for results. The Cosmic Goddess has listened to my heart's yearning (a little less running around, svp) and gifted me with a week of paid productive sloth. Make no mistake, I will still run my ass off, thanks to reading Lüc Carl's excellent The Drunk Diet--a rocker's manifesto to get healthy. I will work until my eyes bleed and I need to run to Duane Reade to get reading glasses to go on top of my thick coke-bottled specs for my near-sightedness. I am that much of a psychotic workaholic and running junkie. I will listen to The CG's lessons, make the most of Sandy's dust.

And I will be well rested enough to vote tomorrow. I was going to secretly not vote because had my schedule been a normal one, I wouldn't have been able to until after 7pm, which is my prime blowing-off period.

Okay, Obama, I'll sign up for 4 more years. But we know who I'm secretly voting for.

And I Love YOU, Honeypants!

Didn't O kick butt last night? He needed to and the bayonet comment slayed--though of course, now the bayonet association is pissed. Romney just kept repeating what O said and stuttering. I would be a basket case in a debate so I give plenty of kudos to anyone who survives the process. Still, as much as I quibble about our choosing O over Hillary, I feel more secure with Obama as Prez. Though Romney doesn't scare me as much as Bush/Cheney did. Of course, Bob Schieffer is heralded as the best moderator ever, though my fave was Martha Raddatz.

Yesterday's post was a little diet obsessive. Well, fair readers, I was punished for my food absorption and my bad temper. After my snapping about who would get dinner, TG procured a rotisserie chicken, which poisoned us. Since 3am, we have been misery itself. It's the real part of any relationship.

J. Lo had a nip slip during a concert. I did too. Just now. I would tweet it but I'm not a loser. Seriously, you gotta paste those puppies in. No excuse, even if you're dancing. Swimsuit malfunction in the pool, okay. Especially if it falls off as your father-in-law comes over to say Hi. It's not a crime, but it is embarrassing.

And Then They Accidentally Kissed...

I feel like I'm living on a different planet. I watched debate last night and I don't get why everyone says it was a failure for Obama. He was sedate, answered questions intelligently, and had a few zingers. Romney came off as an overzealous student who knows all the answers (though didn't use primary sources in his paper). Obama had the disadvantage of the favorite to win. He has the gift of gab and he doesn't usually gaffe, whereas Romney spews all kinds of crap. Mitt did show himself as aggressive, which I guess is Presidential. Plus, there was the altitude, which terd-nugget Gore said could account for BO's "sluggishness." I didn't see what was wrong! Now the tide is turning away from BO. Can he get it back?

Another reason why I love Anderson Cooper. I don't know why, he's like family. He would fit so perfectly at my relatives' holiday dinner table. We could have turkey, talk about politics and the interesting people he's met. Someone would make him giggle (probably Dishbrother because he's really funny and so is TG--and AC met the latter), which would be so awesome. A girl can dream, right?

Hulk Hogan has a sex tape. I'm sorry if you threw up reading this. It's worth it if it can make Hulk famous again.

Because I can't vote for Hillary...

Along with these celebrity women, I will shamelessly endorse Obama especially since Gloria Steinem and Jane Lynch are for him and I'll do anything for those bitches. Are you ready for the debates? I'm so excited I couldn't sleep these last three days. Just call me CNN's whore. I might wander over to FOX so that I can be balanced.

Leave it to the media to pit two women against each other, though it seems to be real fighting. Nicki and Mariah are practically bar-brawling on American Idol. Do I hear the sound of shrinking testicles? As much as Mariah is a diva, Nicki is just being trashy and immature. She's new to the business. If I were her, I'd let Mariah be in the spotlight, otherwise, Nicki's going to make enemies and everyone will hate her. If you don't have love, you're left with talent and she doesn't seem to have much of that. Mariah, at least, has a great voice--though her vibrato is irritating. Oh well, Dish is only interested in catching glimpses of Nicole Kidman in the audience Keith Urban's serene countenance.

TG made a delicious Coq au Vin yesterday. What did I do to deserve this angel?

Tommy Lee is 50. He's an adorable metal dork. Remember his going-back-to-school reality show? Loved it!

DNC: Day 3

Last Recap of the DNC. Dish got a lot of ironing done. Only this could make me miss the VMAs.

Here goes:

The actresses: Kerry and Scarlett were good, but Eva Longoria is an AMAZING speaker. Who knew how smart she was? Well, Dish did because she watched her on The Conversation with Amanda De Cadenet. A voracious reader, Eva is positively brilliant.
Caroline Kennedy: I am always happy to see her since she is the last one standing practically.
Gabby Giffords: Her pledge of allegiance brought on the Dish waterworks.
Brian Schweitzer: Seems crazy as sh*t but his looniness makes me want to move to Montana.
John Kerry: Must have had Botox because the lines on his face are gone. Gave a fabulous speech. Love these cranky old men.
Joe Biden: Went on forever, but that's okay because...
Obama was *really* good. And I'm a little tired of his speeches. I watched it last night and thought, hmmm, that was fine. Watched it again today and appreciated it much more. Nicely done.

In other news: Lance was banned from the Chicago marathon. No comment! Who is this Honey Boo Boo sweeping the nation with her horrendously unsightly family? I won't even venture a watch because it makes me bleed from the eyes. I'll take the trashy Kardashians any day of the week.

Obama Care Stays, Ann Curry Goes

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Wasn't that Leo Tolstoy? JK. Maybe. So, Dish was watching Fox News (just for Judge Alex) when they broke through with the URGENT and DIRE decision to keep Obama-care. There was a lot of sighing and head-shaking. I still feel Obama should have gone further with this policy but I'll take this victory! (Vote Hillary)

Earlier this morning came another history-making event: Ann Curry announcing that she's leaving Today. This is probably one of the most awkward TV moments that I've ever witnessed--especially Matt's suggestion that she might jump out of a plane soon: .

Matt Lauer is a douche*. I haven't watched this show since Katie Couric left, but I hope that this botched departure hurts Today's ratings. And I hope Ann Curry's popularity grows exponentially! (Thanks, TMZ!)

I predict continued low ratings. Meredith Viera was a hard act to follow.

*So are the "high priority" emails flooding my inbox. Nothing is that urgent. Really. It's making Dish cranky.

The Feds Looking Askance at Lance!

There are new/old doping allegations against athlete Lance Armstrong. Dish is too close to this issue--one degree of separation. They'll throw me in the slammer over what I think I know. Okay, maybe that's overstating. Lance told my friend her legs were fat and then she made him an egg-white omelet. This was years ago, before he was LANCE. First of all, Dishfriend's body is HOT and cycle-toned for life so we kinda hate him. Second, as a former cycle widow* I learned that doping is everywhere in the cycling world. How else to get through races? How else to deal with nine-hour rides except with a little herbal infusion? Thankfully, my ex-cycle-BFs* were fairly clean in races and had moral codes with respect to the sport (but were dirty dogs in other respects). This new Lance bombshell doesn't surprise me.

Yay: Emily Maynard is reportedly engaged to one of her bachelors! Can't wait to hear which one. Blah: Chris Brown and Drake's entourage allegedly brawled in a NYC nightclub. I've had enough of this dirtbag.

Dish is bitter. Screw SJP and Obama and their fundraiser dinner. 100$ down the toilet. If they don't want me in their home, I don't want their duck confit salad and quinoa tartlettes either!!! (Just kidding. I'd kill for some quinoa and O face time)


*Never date an athlete.
**Yes, more than one. More than two. It was a dark period in Dishlore.

Damn You, SJP and Obama!

Carrie Bradshaw and Mr. President, how dare you lure me with a star-tastic fundraiser dinner at SJP's apartment (which I think is close to mine so I won't need car service--FYI). That's hitting below the belt. I loves my Sex and the City. I loves my Hillary Clinton Obama. The idea of a free dinner at the home of Sarah, Matthew, John Wilkes Booth McConaughey Broderick and the girl-twins--well, I am a whore for such sumptuous personal-chef-cooked celebrity goodness. I clicked on the Sign Me Up button, which took me to Obama's donor page. Yes, I donated for the tiny chance I might win. It's tax deductible, right? Oh wait...maybe not. And you know I probably won't get picked because I never win anything*. Screwed by the celebs AGAIN! No new J-Crew dress for me this week...

And if I couldn't get any whorier, I got a Duran Duran Fan VIP email signing me up for the chance to win super-secret tickets to a spontaneous NYC concert during the week they're on GMA (6/18, everybody watch). Imagine, I'll soon be breathing the same polluted oxygen as my brave heroes. This devoted fan is dreaming big!!!

Nothing else going on but the stars in their bikinis. And Mad Men. Trying not to read spoiler alerts...I heard something really bad happened involving Lane. Ugh...he represents our collective vulnerabilities. We can't all be the steel that is Don Draper.

*except for the Jackpot of Life with a wonderful family, including a gorgeous and sweet husband.

I'd Know Those Obama Ears Anywhere!

After announcing his stance on gay marriage, of course the Prez would do a drive by in Chelsea. After O's speech, TG came home just in time to stand by the barricade with me and watch Obama go by. The windows were slightly tinted but Dish had her spidey sense so saw/felt the power of those gigantic ears. What was he doing in Chelsea? Going to Loehmann's to get 'Chelle a nice new purse on sale...or perhaps sauntering over to Splash?

Did you read about the alleged feud between Oprah and Michelle? It's easy to pit these two titans against each other. The media loves to watch girls feud. I always wondered what Michelle thought of Oprah's influence on her hub but the idea that the two women would be jealous of one another. Pullleuuuse. It's someone's wet dream...though perhaps totally true.

In between deliriums, I accidentally stumbled on the last night's finale of Desperate Housewives. TG kept saying, "This is excellent. So tightly written." Especially disturbing were the makeout scenes between Bree and Quantum Leap. I don't know why. Middle-aged hanky panky isn't as sexy to watch as geezer sex. For two hours, we didn't get much of a bang until the end with some lovely cameos and a goose-pimply last 30 seconds. I loved the brief return of Dana Delaney, though waited and waited and waited for Gale Harold to come back and whisk That Woman away from her boring grieving over the boring plumber. I guess the ending was satisfying.

Many shows just got canceled: Most significantly GBC, Pan Am, Awake, Bent, Harry's Law, CSI: Miami, The Finder, Ringer, and The Secret Circle.

The greatest question for our time: What will Gale Harold do now??? They should have just had Gale do the entire show and get rid of those pesky witchy teens. It would have been a hit.

Will spend the night researching and confirming whether or not Charlize and Fassbender are dating. Talk about utter cuteness.

Comedy Central at The White House Correspondents Dinner

Dish spent too much time hooked on mundane moments at the White House Correspondents Dinner. Stiff people standing and greeting each other. But TG was making Pad Thai and what could I do? Read Balzac? Please. (tho I do love the Balz--esp Père Goriot)

The excitement began at 10-ish with Obama's roast. Prezzie seemed at ease, though am I the only one who thought "the delicious pitbull" pun was an odd cunnilingus joke? Michelle looked positively baffled and a little horrified. Lots of dog-eating in his speech, though Dish is down with off-color jokes to break the ice. Then came Kimmel who seemed very nervous. He did a lovely job, had some jokes that made TG howl (one of my fave sights) along with some stinkers. Seal of Approval, JK.

You knew there would be slams against Lindsay and Kim and, despite this, these gals both looked beautiful. I will say this about the Kardashians: They are all great sports. They laugh along with the jokes and never seem miffed -- a good lesson for us all. I've done my own criticizing of these two. It's so easy. I don't think enough about how hard it must be for them to receive constant negativity.

No, I can't give up criticism entirely. Then I'd be Gen-Y and expect praise for extracting a large booger from my nose.

Rest in Peace, Etta James

This legendary diva gave us one of Dish's favorite yet overplayed songs ever. We thank her for the gift of her songs!

More bad news: Kenny G and his wife split, though this could be good news for some lucky perm-loving lady. Speaking of funky hair, Katy Perry unfollowed Russell Brand on Twitter. OMG!!!! Meltdown!!!

Today's rumor: Both Aniston and Jolie are pregnant! I saw an incriminating photo where Jen does indeed seem to be about 6 months along. Or it could be a huge pillow. I did that to avoid being hassled on the metro in Paris (I am *that* beautiful) and wanted a seat. Newsflash: Parisians are more apt to give up their seats for the old and pregnant than seat-hog New Yorkers (and by this, I mean men). As for Angelina, anything's possible. The poor dear does need to put on a few pounds and in our fantasies, she and Brad can never stop copulating because they are gorgeous A-lister stars.

Last night's Republican debate in SC: All the candidates except for Ron Paul spoke of Obama in such vile terms, all but saying he was an uppity you-know-what. It's very sad to see how racism lives on. Good thing Obama could out-debate any of them, though Ron Paul is fun to watch. Love that John King had the cojones to ask Newt about his skanky ways. Hillary forever!

Two Confirmed Bachelors Fall. So Does the Sky!!! Followed by Sinead O'Connor's Reconciliation!

Hallelujia! I'm full to busting with happy news! This report brings me to manic tears: After a night of lovemaking, Sinead O'Connor and her husband of 18 days decided to reconcile! Stay away from the weed, Sinead, though I've heard it can enhance sexual arousal. And please, at least have the decency to share which position/s sealed the deal???

Even more joyous (though Hersheykiss might be miffed), Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel are finally trying the knot. A dream come true! But Dish wonders how this will affect her movie career. I mean, is New Year's Eve it? Please, Jessica, now that you have the man nailed down, don't give up your gift/dream (no WASP sarcasm, I promise. I saw The Illusionist). And, I've heard that Mario Lopez is also engaged to his babymama!

Let's all join hands and dance in a circle of love and light.

Though, with happy comes sad as Nick Cannon suffers from mild kidney failure. A little cranberry juice does a body good. Please get better, Nick. You're a delight in movies/TV and the only one who can tame the beast.

Oh, and sources are on bumpwatch for Rachel Zoe. Lastly, it seems the President went shirtless in Hawaii, playing football. I do NOT want to see Daddy without clothes. Please get that shirt back on, POTUS.