I Know You're All Worried...

...about my incessant watching of The West Wing. Fear not. Tonight I caught up on Shahs of Sunset with TG until he fell asleep during Resa and Adam's "seaglass" hunting and snacking on prepared exotic foods on the beach. Then I went back to Josiah Bartlett's announcing he was running for a second term even though he has MS. Stockard Channing is pisssed.

Now I regret missing the Grammys since I didn't see Justin Timberlake's stylish return to performing. Chris Brown remaining seated when Frank Ocean won his award. Taylor Shift (oh god, I know that's not her name but I can't think of it) singing that sourpuss song, dissing her British ex. J.Lo flashing her leg like Jolie, though I prefer my J.Lo in a sparkly flesh-toned body-stocking. I don't get why the leg flash or The Highline in NYC is such a big frigging deal. More impressive is Katy Perry defying the CBS body-censoring memo with the unleashing of her glorious tatas in that awesome seafoam dress from American Apparel. I should have watched....

Out of fear that TG will see how much sh*t I watch rage against the networks for scheduling my two must-sees at the same time, I'm not watching The Bachelor or RHoBH, which is why I'm writing this during the 8-10pm hour.

Oh wait: This just in--LeAnn got BANGS!!! I'm seeing Jersey Boys for the 8th time on Wednesday (an accident!). And the pope resigned.

Two Confirmed Bachelors Fall. So Does the Sky!!! Followed by Sinead O'Connor's Reconciliation!

Hallelujia! I'm full to busting with happy news! This report brings me to manic tears: After a night of lovemaking, Sinead O'Connor and her husband of 18 days decided to reconcile! Stay away from the weed, Sinead, though I've heard it can enhance sexual arousal. And please, at least have the decency to share which position/s sealed the deal???

Even more joyous (though Hersheykiss might be miffed), Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel are finally trying the knot. A dream come true! But Dish wonders how this will affect her movie career. I mean, is New Year's Eve it? Please, Jessica, now that you have the man nailed down, don't give up your gift/dream (no WASP sarcasm, I promise. I saw The Illusionist). And, I've heard that Mario Lopez is also engaged to his babymama!

Let's all join hands and dance in a circle of love and light.

Though, with happy comes sad as Nick Cannon suffers from mild kidney failure. A little cranberry juice does a body good. Please get better, Nick. You're a delight in movies/TV and the only one who can tame the beast.

Oh, and sources are on bumpwatch for Rachel Zoe. Lastly, it seems the President went shirtless in Hawaii, playing football. I do NOT want to see Daddy without clothes. Please get that shirt back on, POTUS.

Star Sighting--Rebecca Romijn

1pm, 18th and 7th: Gym-bound Dish spotted a tall gorgeous blonde walking with a little girl. The woman wore sunglasses but the face was unmistakable, especially when she smiled at her little girl and said, "Okay, you can keep your eyes closed, but you have to hold my hand." So funny because I say that to TG all the time.

Wow, just read this cheating exposay by Kat Von D. http://on.fb.me/tTFBAP. Felt so sad last year when I read she'd started dating Jesse James but thought eventually she'd find her way. A talented and unique individual, she will always land on her feet. I don't recommend trashing an ex on the internets, though this must have felt REAL good. Go, KVD!

Justin Timberlake did attend that Marine Corps Ball with that soldier, after all! Wish Youtube had existed in the 80s. I would have asked Duran Duran to prom!!!

Between you and me, I was friends with Frank Miller a few years ago. We had a blast. The only way friendship could happen was that I met him before I knew who he was. So, no hyperventilating and overly-eager questions about his marvelous life. To me, he was just a chatty geezer with old-fashioned charm and values. We talked about movies, politics, celebrities. Now I read this polarizing tidbit about his views about Occupy Wall Street. I can't say it surprises me. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/13/frank-miller-occupy-wall-street_n_1090790.html?ref=entertainment. I don't totally agree with him, but I still consider him a friend and great conversationalist.

Can you hear my screeching laughter? Fox's Torquemada Bill O'Reilly wrote a book about Abe Lincoln and made several factual errors. What an idiot! http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/13/bill-oreilly-killing-lincoln-errors_n_1091168.html?ref=homepage. A bully, bad to women, not a scholar. Where's the trapdoor, America?

All About Weiners

As SJP says in First Wives Club, it's class all the way: Tareq Salahi is filing for divorce against his fellow famewhoring spouse and claims that Journey guitarist Neal Schon sent him a pic of his wang to flaunt the affair. In other penis news: the penis on Mila Kunis cell phone, which had been hacked, was NOT that of Justin Timberlake. Then in other shocking reports, Melissa Rivers's BF -- Name? Does it really matter? -- is out of the picture when caught appearing in adult picture.

I will attempt to clean my mind with a belated viewing of The Secret Circle. Review to come.

The Emmy's are on Sunday. My girl Jane Lynch is hosting.

How Many Celebs Are Going to the Marine Corps Ball in November?

What brilliance, these soldiers. How better to meet a celeb than to fight for your country? First Mila Kunis, now Justin. Next, Linda Hamilton? It's great press. A warped person would fake terminal cancer to meet a celeb (this might have been an episode of South Park). I love the cojones of these brave soldiers. I hope this Marine Corps Ball is a lot of fun! Why did I not enlist?

Can we stop with all the Casey Anthony sightings? She's been spotted all over the country.

James Franco split up with the woman he'd been quietly dating these last 5 years. Tee hee. I don't know what to say to this, but it made me laugh for the first time this week.

Meanwhile, Dish runs in zig zag fashion, hoping no one gets a good shot.

Celebrity Break Up and Make Up!

I pray that this is only a rumor (to hype a movie/TV show), though I smelled this separation when Peter Facinelli's star rose in Twilight, then Nurse Jackie. He and Jennie Garth are beyond adorable but when there's celebrity inequality, marriage suffers. They are allegedly on a break. I know, pass the Kleenex. Cute-central, both of them. I wish them well and pray for a miracle--or that it's total BS!

Okay, Hershey Kiss, be prepared to cry that Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel might be back together. This doesn't excite me, but I'm all for making love work. See above.

If you can believe, Nic Cage's freaky, mentally-disturbed-and-I-wonder-if-it-runs-in-the-family son Weston Cage has flooded TMZ with his craziness about marriage and getting divorced after two minutes from his hot, pregnant and equally crazy wife. I'm a little fascinated but more evidence of celebrity spawn going off the deep end.

My schadenfreude is at an all-time high as Jay Leno is not funny with a Casey Anthony joke that also disses Obama. My couch is way funnier.

In happy news: James Spader has joined the cast of The Office. I loathed JS as an actor starting in the 80s but he's grown on me. Think he gets better and better and he rocked The Office this past season. Triumphant casting.

Highlight of the month: Shark Week on the Discovery Channel starts 7/31.

So, I've been eating a hot fudge sundae every day since I'm like 5. Then there's the tin of Altoids. The afternoon brownie and mashed potato baths. I'm thin and exercise, but the doctor put a damper on my perfection by saying I need to cut my sugar intake. Kumquat did he say? Dish cannot be on the high end of the "normal" curve! Eat (tree bark and celery) Pray Suffer!