Using Muscles I've Never Used Before

As you can tell from the fact that I disseminate this blog through my deceased cat, I'm not much of a self-promoter. Now with a book coming out, I have to wrack my brain and make a list of people who could help me. Luckily, TG is a master at this so I threw a big tantrum and now he feels compelled to take over as my unofficial publicist.

In the meantime, I've renewed my subscription to Helen Mirren as The Woman I Want to Be, ASAP just from pictures of her backside as she's gallivanting around a gay festival. No one looks better with pink hair or purple pants--except maybe Pink herself.

Some sad news: I'm done with The West Wing. Have now watched it through twice. Talk about an Aaron Sorkin liberal fantasy--I bawled through the entire seventh season. Electing a Hispanic president who wants to reform education and get out of a useless war. Where are my Kleenex?

Happy news: Charlie Sheen's children are no longer with their biological parents. I've always been a fan of Denise Richards and now she deserves our support as she raises four kids. May she make another Lifetime movie soon. I Do, (But I Don't) II -- an inspiration that only gets better the more you watch it.

Farrah Abraham is the new Kim Kardashian. There, I said it.

(And if you can suggest anyone who might be able to create buzz on my book, please advise me)

I Know You're All Worried...

...about my incessant watching of The West Wing. Fear not. Tonight I caught up on Shahs of Sunset with TG until he fell asleep during Resa and Adam's "seaglass" hunting and snacking on prepared exotic foods on the beach. Then I went back to Josiah Bartlett's announcing he was running for a second term even though he has MS. Stockard Channing is pisssed.

Now I regret missing the Grammys since I didn't see Justin Timberlake's stylish return to performing. Chris Brown remaining seated when Frank Ocean won his award. Taylor Shift (oh god, I know that's not her name but I can't think of it) singing that sourpuss song, dissing her British ex. J.Lo flashing her leg like Jolie, though I prefer my J.Lo in a sparkly flesh-toned body-stocking. I don't get why the leg flash or The Highline in NYC is such a big frigging deal. More impressive is Katy Perry defying the CBS body-censoring memo with the unleashing of her glorious tatas in that awesome seafoam dress from American Apparel. I should have watched....

Out of fear that TG will see how much sh*t I watch rage against the networks for scheduling my two must-sees at the same time, I'm not watching The Bachelor or RHoBH, which is why I'm writing this during the 8-10pm hour.

Oh wait: This just in--LeAnn got BANGS!!! I'm seeing Jersey Boys for the 8th time on Wednesday (an accident!). And the pope resigned.

You Give Me Cabin Fever!

For the last four days, I've been indoors. No slacking here, I swear. Not only did I finish a 1k piece puzzle but I also oinked my way through 6 pints of ice cream and watched 40 episodes of The West Wing, sobbing every 43 minutes. Damn you, Martin Sheen, and your eloquent speeches. Awesomeness comes in a little package sometimes. There was a long period of time when Martin was more famous than his son. The sugar makes me forget the cruel reality of today's appetite for misbehaving celebrities. Slurp, slurp, toffee chip crunch with M&Ms, raspberry swirl and cookies & cream. So delicious!

Christina Applegate quit Up All Night, the show no one was watching anyway. TG has already called his agent at CAA to demand a co-starring role with his best friend, Will Arnett. TG would play the loveable sidekick who is filled with man-love (and the first beer-bong-man-love-baby?). I feel very strongly that Christina should give up sit-coms and do romantic comedies. She killed in The Sweetest Thing. What about The Sweetest Thing 2 with Christina hooking up with Jason Bateman who was hilarious?

Tomorrow, my review of Game Change...