Using Muscles I've Never Used Before

As you can tell from the fact that I disseminate this blog through my deceased cat, I'm not much of a self-promoter. Now with a book coming out, I have to wrack my brain and make a list of people who could help me. Luckily, TG is a master at this so I threw a big tantrum and now he feels compelled to take over as my unofficial publicist.

In the meantime, I've renewed my subscription to Helen Mirren as The Woman I Want to Be, ASAP just from pictures of her backside as she's gallivanting around a gay festival. No one looks better with pink hair or purple pants--except maybe Pink herself.

Some sad news: I'm done with The West Wing. Have now watched it through twice. Talk about an Aaron Sorkin liberal fantasy--I bawled through the entire seventh season. Electing a Hispanic president who wants to reform education and get out of a useless war. Where are my Kleenex?

Happy news: Charlie Sheen's children are no longer with their biological parents. I've always been a fan of Denise Richards and now she deserves our support as she raises four kids. May she make another Lifetime movie soon. I Do, (But I Don't) II -- an inspiration that only gets better the more you watch it.

Farrah Abraham is the new Kim Kardashian. There, I said it.

(And if you can suggest anyone who might be able to create buzz on my book, please advise me)

Boycott the Kardashians While You Occupy Wall Street

It's the only way to get these boring people off your screens. As Al Pacino might say, they are "a waste of my mother-f*cking time." I sort of feel that when you start your career on your back, you die there. During intense discussions, Dishmama alleges that Kris Humphries was used. Kim has fled to Australia. Maybe she'll meet someone there.

So many juicy tidbits, the mind is a-whirl! Hugh Grant is a new dad. Never thought he'd reproduce though it was an accident. Denise Richards and Richie Sambora dating again. Makes me feel better about him and Heather breaking up. Zooey Deschanel and her hubs split.

The saddest news for our dear Hillary. Her mother Dorothy Rodham dies at 92. A great lady birthed a great lady.

Amy Winehouse has a new album coming out on December 5. Janis Joplin has brand new material coming around Christmas.

This is enough news for me. I'm sentencing myself to one more chapter of Dangerous Liaisons. I'm furious at TG (and writing this will infuriate him) because he's mean to me when he's sick. For some reason, my being mad makes him giddy. Maybe this will boost his immune system.