Giving Up on TMZ

I used to thrive on TMZ's gossip but they report the same story: "singer", athlete, "actor" arrested, in a fight, DUI or owing back taxes. Reality show has-beens also arrested, dying freakishly or talking smack. So-and-so looks like crap in the airport and answers a question.

Am I maturing or are the stars this self-destructive?

After the real literature of Dlisted, I salivate over Radaronline's juicy headlines. They write about more important things, like who's taking a stroll (Julia), the latest bikini shots, mixed with housewives' slurring their words and forgetting about their children. Now that's reporting.


It seems John Mayer got Katy Perry a ring. Not an engagement ring, but it's probably more like a I-might- propose-but-probably-not "promise" ring. Sometimes a ring is just a ring.

Poor anguished Morrissey has had to cancel tour dates due to a bleeding ulcer and esophageal condition. Dish has had an ulcer and it's no fun. Even though Morrissey is the last person with whom I'd like to be trapped in an elevator, I wish him health.

Hugh Grant had a second child. Maya Rudolph is preggo with her fourth child.

I Know You're All Worried...

...about my incessant watching of The West Wing. Fear not. Tonight I caught up on Shahs of Sunset with TG until he fell asleep during Resa and Adam's "seaglass" hunting and snacking on prepared exotic foods on the beach. Then I went back to Josiah Bartlett's announcing he was running for a second term even though he has MS. Stockard Channing is pisssed.

Now I regret missing the Grammys since I didn't see Justin Timberlake's stylish return to performing. Chris Brown remaining seated when Frank Ocean won his award. Taylor Shift (oh god, I know that's not her name but I can't think of it) singing that sourpuss song, dissing her British ex. J.Lo flashing her leg like Jolie, though I prefer my J.Lo in a sparkly flesh-toned body-stocking. I don't get why the leg flash or The Highline in NYC is such a big frigging deal. More impressive is Katy Perry defying the CBS body-censoring memo with the unleashing of her glorious tatas in that awesome seafoam dress from American Apparel. I should have watched....

Out of fear that TG will see how much sh*t I watch rage against the networks for scheduling my two must-sees at the same time, I'm not watching The Bachelor or RHoBH, which is why I'm writing this during the 8-10pm hour.

Oh wait: This just in--LeAnn got BANGS!!! I'm seeing Jersey Boys for the 8th time on Wednesday (an accident!). And the pope resigned.

Dish's 9th Duran Duran Concert--Tomorrow Night!

I can't think of anything else. Well, I can, but I don't want to. 30 years is a long time to love a band. It's been hard to focus on the important things.

Like if The Bachelorette's Emily Maynard already cheated on Jef. Apparently, some explicit texts were found between Emily and some other man. I WISH it were Arie except this would ruin his chances of being the next Bachelor. Emily didn't pick him to begin with and who wants to be the SECOND choice? So immature.

Katy Perry might have shed John Mayer, which is a great idea. Though I really don't care.

I went 24 hours without an Altoid and now I'm making up for it. Downward spiral with Katching Up with the Kardashians, as TG calls it. Tried to explain to my therapist that I watched it to examine female archetypes. She raised an eyebrow. I'm so full of crap!

Duran Duran Concert Number Nine, Here I Come!

Star Sighting--Jeremy Sisto!!!

As friend and hairstylist JJ took his morning constitutional in Central Park, singing to the bunnies, the deer and squirrels and blowing Marlboro smoke up their asses, he saw L&O god Jeremy Sisto (what James Franco should be). He described J.S as "shorter than first thought but CUTE!!!" From JJ, this is a huge compliment because he thinks everyone's rank, except Javier Badem.

Our California vacation is almost at an end. TG has caught the mother of all colds from surfing in the Pacific. I only have one more post to do from this IPad. It's hard to troll for gossip, too.

As sure as Justin Theroux wears skinny jeans, I am disappointed by new celebrity romance. Not more than a couple miles away, Katy Perry allegedly snuggled up to John Mayer, which is a step down even from Russell Brand. Then again, anyone is a step down from Katy. Maybe she should find herself a hot nerd, a la Dan Futterman.

TG and I are watching The End starring and directed by Burt Reynolds, a classic example of why you should avoid directing yourself.

Happy New Year!

I'm with Kim Kardashian, who Tweeted, "i wanna be more simple in 2012." Well, mission accomplished, sweetie! It's time to break out the Derrida and get those chocolate peepers perusing challenging, like, material and, like, having an aMAAAAzing experience. It will, at the very least, prevent her from getting bangs again.

Dish merged with the couch and howled over Kathy Griffin's antics. The stripping down to a bra, well, it just makes a girl think of ways to shock the world. If Kathy can do it, why can't I? There is prison to consider.

Yet another engagement: LeBron James. What does Dish say about dating athletes? Despite this, I wish the happy couple great joy.

What really broke Katy and Russell up? Dish saw it the second they started dating. KP's at the beginningish of a great career. He's kinda doing well but has a string of bummer movies. And, well, he doesn't translate as well here. Plus, the age difference and he's done partying and she's having fun. Something's gotta give.

Pictures have surfaced of Derek Jeter and Minka Kelly canoodling in Paris. Dishfriendintheoffice must be SO pissed.

Dear God, Not the Brand-Perrys!

It's official that Russell Brand has filed for divorce with the usual irreconcilable differences. The clue came when they spent Christmas apart. Don't worry, folks. Just because TG and I are spending New Year's apart, doesn't mean we're not happy kids. In fact, I'm near tears that he's leaving for a week. Ah well, it just means a Breaking Bad marathon will happen tonight in the nation of Chelsea.

Tabloids report that Bradley Cooper and Zoe Saldana are canoodling on the Sunset strip. I kinda hoped he'd get back with our skinny-as-string Renee, but then one can't place money on Hollywood romance.

So Dish slugged through a face/hair ruining rainstorm to attend a party thrown by glamorous people on the inside. Big news: Joseph Gordon-Levitt is a great guy. Super nice (no, he wasn't there). Dish caught some major bombshells about who's gay and who's not. Mostly what we already know but details. I'll take them to my grave.

Here's a travesty of justice: Khloe Kardashian wants to go blond but her mother Kris Jenner won't let her. This is a national crisis, especially since Khloe is hotter as a blond. Please God, send in Sean Penn and George Clooney and a telethon.

Stephanie Kramer of Hunter fame is joining The Secret Circle (as Gale's mamala) and she is AWESOME. Gale Harold fans, did I stop watching too soon?

Preggo Means No More Tiger Stigma!

Rachel Uchitel ups her game by Tweeting her preggo bod. The world is right again for her now that she's shed her Tiger-mistress skin. It's amazing the many layers of existence.

Speaking of, Anthony Weiner allegedly wanted to have a threesome with another man, according to the woman who came forward about his wang-Tweeting. So this means he's a little gay too? Maybe just gay-adjacent and not ashamed to be naked in a sexual way with another man. I dig that. I wonder what it's gonna take for the wife to leave. Not recycling?

Still-kinda-cool rock star Steven Tyler proposed to his somewhat age-appropriate and pretty GF but family is supposedly not happy. They've been together five years so Dish is fine with it. Not everyone has to love each other. It only matters that Steven is happy and keeps creating weirdisms on American Idol. He rocks!

Not-funny Russell Brand and awesome songstress Katy Perry spent Christmas apart and the splitsville rumors abound! Guys, you cannot divorce after having a lavish wedding. Oh wait...yes you can (KK)!