Good Things Happen When You Talk about Suzy Orman!

Dishbrother and I were having a heart to heart about our love for Suzy Orman, whether we had our 8 month emergency fund (I only have 3) and disclosing money to spouses*. Because my feelings about money are complicated, I did my usual browsing of Duran Duran's Facebook page, which I knew would clarify things. To my shock, I saw my link about the Rio boat on their page. This means...this means...the celebrities I love most...or at least their people know I exist. Just as I was debating whether or not to see them in concert again this summer (make that a 2 month emergency fund). Suzy may deny me, but Duran Duran CANNOT be denied.

Celebs: Sarah Palin's getting revenge against Katie Couric by pushing her way onto the Today Show couch. I digs my Katie, don't begrudge Sarah her TV time. More airtime for foxy ladies over 40.

Minka Kelly and Wilmer Valderrama are canoodling so soon after her lovefest with Derek Jeter in Paris. I don't really know who these people are or why they're taking up so much of my rags. Johnny Depp + Ashley Olsen? Oh God. Downhill from here: Adam Samberg, Kristen Wiig and Jason Sudeikis leaving SNL. Now there really is no show left. Maybe brave new talent will emerge. Dishcat is pissing on the floor in celebration.

So, I'm off to Salem, Massachusetts then Boston for a nice little vacay. Dishmama, a renowned scholar, says I should investigate Salem's trade relationship with China. Like that's going to happen. My brain doesn't visit such levels anymore since Gayatri Spivak and Michel Foucault literally sh*t in my cerebellum. I just want the witch tchatchkas and maybe to get a tour from actual nature-worshiping pagans. If you don't hear from me for a few days, I'm under a divine spell. And your little dog too!

*TG, I just spent 10$ on green nailpolish.

Le City De Love!

People, you know it's love if a guy meets you in Paris. Not only does he want to boink you silly (wear a condom) in the City of Lights, but you're soaked in culture. Derek and Minka went to the Musee D'Orsay and so many masterpieces are hanging there. The two must have strolled through the halls, Minka might have told him about this Courbet painting, he went "whoa" and the love just got deeper. In the Musee Rodin, he and Minka probably acted out some of the sculptures, especially the super phallic ones, they giggled, and then went to the rose garden outside wherein Minka gave Derek a super-sexy botany lesson. "Didn't Rodin go out with that scary bitch?" Derek probably asked, and so Minka updated him on super-great Camille Claudel.

I see great things for these two.

Happy New Year!

I'm with Kim Kardashian, who Tweeted, "i wanna be more simple in 2012." Well, mission accomplished, sweetie! It's time to break out the Derrida and get those chocolate peepers perusing challenging, like, material and, like, having an aMAAAAzing experience. It will, at the very least, prevent her from getting bangs again.

Dish merged with the couch and howled over Kathy Griffin's antics. The stripping down to a bra, well, it just makes a girl think of ways to shock the world. If Kathy can do it, why can't I? There is prison to consider.

Yet another engagement: LeBron James. What does Dish say about dating athletes? Despite this, I wish the happy couple great joy.

What really broke Katy and Russell up? Dish saw it the second they started dating. KP's at the beginningish of a great career. He's kinda doing well but has a string of bummer movies. And, well, he doesn't translate as well here. Plus, the age difference and he's done partying and she's having fun. Something's gotta give.

Pictures have surfaced of Derek Jeter and Minka Kelly canoodling in Paris. Dishfriendintheoffice must be SO pissed.

Dish's 2012 Wishes and Predictions

1. Julia Roberts will make a romantic comedy -- something light and fluffy where she will laugh uproariously and spout repeatable lines. Please, Julia! (Sean Penn should do one too because he's still kind of hot--well, he reminds me a lot of TG--and you two would be great)
2. Sofia Vergara will win SOMETHING. She is amazing and needs recognition pronto. Don't judge her because her melones fairly pop out of her dresses.
3. Annoyances will fade from our psychic landscape: the Kardashians (still like Kris Jenner, though), the Lohans
4. Donald Trump and Rudy Giuliani will run for President which will make us laugh even harder at the parade of fools in this campaign.
5. Mad Men, Dexter, The Closer, and Breaking Bad will shock our faces off with amazing new seasons.
6. Please God, let me not even turn on The Bachelor which premieres January 16th. I got so screwed last year with Brad and Emily.
7. I will meet a huge celebrity (2011 brought Anderson Cooper but we can aim higher--especially since HE NEVER AIRED OUR SHOW).
8. Queer As Folk will return. Please? Even if Gale and Hal don't mesh.
9. A tabloid, production company, star will hire me as a consultant and overall delight. I am an expert.
10. An A-lister will fart on The View and it won't be Whoopi.
11. Demi will find true love again before Ashton and she'll stick with the kids.
12. Demi and Courtney Cox will look even more alike in 2012 thanks to a new treatment developed in Switzerland.
13. Derek Jeter will finally get married.
14. Hillary Clinton and her ever-growing blond locks will find even more success as she rises higher. More streakers will parade through official events and she will laugh like a bar floozy, which we love.
15. An A-list divorce will shock the hell out of everyone.
16. January Jones reveals the Lord as the father of her child.
17. Britney gets pregnant and married.
18. Olivia Wilde will leave Jason Sudeikis in the dust for someone more famous...and off limits.
19. Jane Lynch will do a dramatic role that has us gasping in wonder. Okay, I'm projecting here. I basically want people I like to rule the world. Is there anything wrong with that?
20. Getting back to Julia, she and I will embark on a lacy-beaded shawl knitting pattern this year. Race ya.
21. Bryan Cranston will be declared God.
22. I'm going to have a beer.

Thank You, Doris Belack!

Say a prayer for the life and work of actress Doris Belack who left us at age 85. Especially loved her on L&O and in Tootsie. She's one of those personalities you recognize that adds spice. Sad.

In preggo news: Jessica Simpson is most likely pregs. She's puffy, hiding her belly, wearing a lot of black, on the verge of marriage--you do the math. I wonder if Papa Simpson will film the delivery. Now everyone is talking about Beyonce's "fake" baby bump folding in on itself. It does look strange when she sits down but Beyonce is magic. The bump has changed sizes in reverse from the beginning. Of course, she can make a baby fold in on itself. And Beyonce-Z baby is gonna come out singing. Tori Spelling gave birth to Hattie Margaret McDermott yesterday. I just hope her boobs don't look so strange anymore as in last season. Aniston's looking a little preggo but more like hormone shot preggo. Ugh. I have no idea what I'm talking about.

Page Six reports that Derek Jeter is pursuing Minka Kelly again. Do they ever listen? Never get back with an ex. Never. You're doing great on Charlie's Angels. Everyone knows you're gorgeous. Derek's season tanked and he's got free time. You don't. Plus, I have a friend who's in love with him so step off, b*tch. But seriously, Derek will never settle down, like George.

Review of The Town. It's like Heat only set in Boston and without the geezers and sexy robbery music. Jon Hamm plays the Al Pacino role, Ben Affleck is Robert De Niro, Rebecca Hall is Judging Amy and Jeremy Renner is Val Kilmer. Still a good movie.

Cheaterville.com offered Kat Von D $$$ to endorse their site. Dish checked it out and laughed out loud at the list of cheaters and bitter exes reporting them. It's like a database of cheaters. I wonder if they get their butts sued....

Conrad Murray trial and, ugh, showing MJ's naked body. Please. No more. Why did I look? I don't want to see naked bodies unless at the Met. Going through a prude phase otherwise known as being 43.