The Feds Looking Askance at Lance!

There are new/old doping allegations against athlete Lance Armstrong. Dish is too close to this issue--one degree of separation. They'll throw me in the slammer over what I think I know. Okay, maybe that's overstating. Lance told my friend her legs were fat and then she made him an egg-white omelet. This was years ago, before he was LANCE. First of all, Dishfriend's body is HOT and cycle-toned for life so we kinda hate him. Second, as a former cycle widow* I learned that doping is everywhere in the cycling world. How else to get through races? How else to deal with nine-hour rides except with a little herbal infusion? Thankfully, my ex-cycle-BFs* were fairly clean in races and had moral codes with respect to the sport (but were dirty dogs in other respects). This new Lance bombshell doesn't surprise me.

Yay: Emily Maynard is reportedly engaged to one of her bachelors! Can't wait to hear which one. Blah: Chris Brown and Drake's entourage allegedly brawled in a NYC nightclub. I've had enough of this dirtbag.

Dish is bitter. Screw SJP and Obama and their fundraiser dinner. 100$ down the toilet. If they don't want me in their home, I don't want their duck confit salad and quinoa tartlettes either!!! (Just kidding. I'd kill for some quinoa and O face time)


*Never date an athlete.
**Yes, more than one. More than two. It was a dark period in Dishlore.

Damn You, SJP and Obama!

Carrie Bradshaw and Mr. President, how dare you lure me with a star-tastic fundraiser dinner at SJP's apartment (which I think is close to mine so I won't need car service--FYI). That's hitting below the belt. I loves my Sex and the City. I loves my Hillary Clinton Obama. The idea of a free dinner at the home of Sarah, Matthew, John Wilkes Booth McConaughey Broderick and the girl-twins--well, I am a whore for such sumptuous personal-chef-cooked celebrity goodness. I clicked on the Sign Me Up button, which took me to Obama's donor page. Yes, I donated for the tiny chance I might win. It's tax deductible, right? Oh wait...maybe not. And you know I probably won't get picked because I never win anything*. Screwed by the celebs AGAIN! No new J-Crew dress for me this week...

And if I couldn't get any whorier, I got a Duran Duran Fan VIP email signing me up for the chance to win super-secret tickets to a spontaneous NYC concert during the week they're on GMA (6/18, everybody watch). Imagine, I'll soon be breathing the same polluted oxygen as my brave heroes. This devoted fan is dreaming big!!!

Nothing else going on but the stars in their bikinis. And Mad Men. Trying not to read spoiler alerts...I heard something really bad happened involving Lane. Ugh...he represents our collective vulnerabilities. We can't all be the steel that is Don Draper.

*except for the Jackpot of Life with a wonderful family, including a gorgeous and sweet husband.

And the Nominees Are...

...not surprising, especially that Leonardo DiCaprio was shut out yet again! Why oh why, though, are there so many Best Picture nominees? Is it to please the whole child? Is this the new No Film Left Behind program? BARF!

Speaking of which...we're feeling better. Fever gone down but for a good day I was like Kate Winslet in Sense and Sensibility--sweating and pale after Willoughby spurns her advances.

As I convalesced, I watched the following:

Untouchable: The Drew Peterson Story--Worst thing Rob Lowe has ever done. He should never have quit The West Wing.

Sexting in Suburbia--Teen girl texts her naked self to ahole BF and it spreads. Bullying ensues, she hangs herself, Mom is pissed. Unwatchable!

I Don't Know How She Does It: SJP is a delight and lights up a screen. The message, however, is that stay-at-home moms suck and worker-moms are the real heroes of parenting. I was pissed and I don't have kids. Great minor roles played by Olivia Munn, Pierce Brosnan and Christina Hendricks.

Anderson: Anderson Cooper's talk show on "Purity balls". Worth it just to hear him keep saying "Purity balls" and "balls."

Learned also that Tim Gunn has been celibate for 29 years. No wonder he gets so much done!!!

Last bit from the Perez Hilton. Dish is also on Team Joan, forever: