Dish Has Remembered John Taylor's Birthday 30 Times!

January 1983: New semester at my boarding school. I was still wearing velour, but had started using my allowance to puff away on Merit Ultra Lights. My BFF brought me presents from Germany and news of a phenomenon sweeping Europe and soon the U.S. She showed me a picture of the band, and I pointed: Who's THAT fox? "That's John." Dish was hooked. Spent many years filling journals full of John Taylor (though stopping upon news of his first marriage--okay, maybe sooner than that). Even though I've moved on from my celebrity crushes except for Jane Lynch, the entire cast of Arrested Development I still remember JT's birthday and wonder if he identifies himself as a Gemini or a Cancer. He seems like a Cancer to me Geminis are insane.

Aside from this, Dish had a fruitful day, a long discussion about the Kardashians with Dishmama, who always makes me feel intelligent even while I'm talking about stupid things. That's what a good mother does. Of course, I'm following the mourning over James Gandolfini. Never got too into The Sopranos but appreciate actors who stand out.

Kim and Kanye have named their baby North West. I'm not kidding.

The President Appoints Hegel as Secretary of Defense!!!

It's so open-minded of Obama to select an eighteenth-century German philosopher to be in charge of Defense. Ghosts tend not to get as much airplay, especially German ones. Hegel is sooooo awesome because he helped invent German Idealism. He and his friends sat around a table and just came up with it, then put on a happy face, threw fresh daisies on the ground, then took each other out for wienerschnitzel and Rittersport! Idealism will be useful as we crawl up other countries' asses with our guns. The more sunshine we bring to warfare, the less we'll feel like fighting! Yay, Barack!

Kim and Kanye allegedly bought an 11M$ mansion to house her giant fake rear and his arrogance. I actually do think their child will be gorgeous.


Dishnotes on The Bachelor:

Rule #1: Everyone's name is Ashley. How funny was the Fifty Shades girl? I sort of think Chris Harrison's marketing team invented her. Take bestseller + fake insanity = schadenfreude rejection at the rose ceremony + ugly crying in the limo. His team also scoured the U.S. for  another Courtney, like last year, and found Tierra. Add in someone from last year--Kacie B.--and you have some more ugly limo crying. What I like about Sean is that he seems to be picking sane-seeming women, i.e. he's not choosing based on what's in his pants (my cousin would never do that--and neither would Jesus).

Please Get Better So I Can Vote for You in 4 Years!

I have trouble with faith--though I did have Hope as my lab partner in 7th grade science. I never went to church except with my grandparents. Maybe I dabbled in Christianity (briefly), Buddhism, morethandabbledin Wicca, and, yes, read the Scientology textbook. I would love to pray, but to whom? When I consulted my mentor (aka the fabulous woman who married me and TG) about this recently, she said I should consider praying to the "Great Mystery." I like this, though I've changed this to General Motors General Manager. So, GM, please, please heal Hillary Clinton of her deep vein thrombosis so that she can be President in 4 years!!! That's my New Year's Wish.

I just scandalized Dishmama in calling John Bolton a f*ckhole for what he said about Clinton faking her illness. He must have been on his period to say such a stupid thing.

Today's News: So I Guess KK and Kanye Might Have Done It.

Dish might be too cynical. I thought the Kardashian machine concocted this relationship with Kanye not that I think he's you know not attracted to her in that way in an effort to boost their respective profiles. But it seems that his atonal seed found the environs of her child-bearing hips which could have been done through IVF and now she is carrying one of the most sought-after bebes ever. It's insane. Just when I think I can't be shocked. But still, Dish doesn't feel this will last more than a couple years. Underneath her sisterly love and well wishes, Khloe must be pisssssssed. The Kardashians keep finding more reasons to stay relevantish. Cannot wait to see this televised.

Happy New Year to you all!

Jersey Boys Again!!!

Dish is attending a play with Dishmama and her friends. Sadly, Dish is still streppy but not contagious. I have a voice, albeit a little Babs meets Lauren Bacall. There are concerns that I might cough too loud (valid) or seem too sick, thereby not presenting myself in the best light, so I'm voiding my mucus now and timing my coughs for appropriate intervals. TG is charmed by the whole thing. Marriage is a process of discovery. Just the idea that I'll be listening/seeing Jersey Boys gives me non-fever chills of excitement.

In the news, I guess Kanye feels that Kim is his "perfect bitch" and she's all over that. I'm sorry, people, even with this perfect endearment, my warm cockles aren't believing this romance is anything but a sham. I'd need to see raw sex tape footage.

There Are No Words...

A picture is worth a thousand chuckles. You don't even need comics. I learned today that that Kim K bought Kanye a Lamborghini for his birthday. TG totally married the wrong woman!

In MeLand: While I love stars, I tend to be disappointed when I meet them in person. There are so many a-holes. To date, the super-non-a-hole exceptions, discovered over several encounters, have been Jon Tenney and Frank Miller who are very friendly in real life. Dish recently encountered a celestial being who seems winning on screen but luckily Dish's age and wisdom helped see the a-hole within. The only time I'd forgive a-hole-itis would be with Julia and DD. Overall, I haven't got time for the pain. Adoration from afar is so much easier on the fragile fan's psyche.

A KanKim Sweet Adventure

New York was besieged by Kardashians this weekend. Kim and Kanye went walking through the fields, he picked her some flowers, she giggled and offered him a lick of her ice cream cone. As the cameras clicked away, they indulged in hot PDA then walked to the hotel where they could make passionate love as a Nets game played in the background. Mama Jenner approves! Do we believe any bit of this romance? Not Dish. Show me stains.

Neil Diamond got married. I love this man. Here's my Ally McBeal theme song (though it's really this one and this one), a favorite of mine growing up. Happy marriage, you crazy kids!

Which reminds me, must check Duran Duran tour dates to see when to purchase. And then a PowerPoint strategy to lure TG to his second DD concert. He is key to my somehow meeting the band (it's been 29 years of passive adoration, don't I deserve it?) because he's got the kind of aura people are just drawn to. People stop him on the street all the time. He would find a way. But then he needed a big bourbon to get through the D.C. concert and he didn't smile a lot. Whose needs are more important, his or mine?

Dare you even ask?

Back to my The Killing/Mad Men/Nurse Jackie/The Big C/The Good Wife, Screw You, TV, I Can't DVR all these awesome shows Night Sunday.

A Little Gossip ...

Finally, Dish and TG were in the Boston Globe. I would put the link but my husband likes to remain anonymous (i.e. not linked to this celebrity drivel) But if you Google Boston Globe and "Falling in love with the boy next door" ...you'll find us!

So the big ado is that singing superstar Adele only got 6 Grammy nominations. What a stinking whore of a singer she must be with only 6! Gaga got 3, which means her career is over. Still can't believe Kanye got nominated for anything other than being atonal, fashionable and angry ...

Here's why Mitt Romney and the Republicans are tools, preaching fear and loathing: http://technorati.com/politics/article/mitt-romney-signs-anti-gay-pledge/. So behind the times. I'm not interested in Obama but this leaves me with no choice, other than not voting.

Let's end on a happy note with The Promulgation of Julia. Click on this link to see her even lovelier than she's ever been. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/12/01/julia_n_1122836.html?ref=entertainment. I am not a lesbian.

Positively Swimming With Star News. I Think.

Ugliness: Singer Gavin DeGraw got the crap beaten out of him, then hit by a cab in NYC on Sunday night. He's recovering at some hospital that starts with a B. I fear an awfuller story is behind this, but no details.

Kanye had the audacity to put himself in the league of Michael Jordan and Adolph Hitler. Hmmmmm. At least he covered both ends of the spectrum--good and evil. What would Ayn Rand say about Kanye? To be a true artist, wouldn't he have to choose one side?* I know where I'd put him--in the category labeled: Atonal Scenery-Chewer. I've tried to stay on board the Kanye train but I keep throwing myself back off.

Has the truth about the Brad and Jen split come to light? According to Mr. and Mrs. Smith producer Arnon Milchan, Brad fessed his love for Ange and Jen threw him out. I would believe this over the "nothing happened during filming" nonsense. It's been 7 years. Who cares?

TG and I put on our serious faces to watch The Next Three Days, a film by Paul Haggis. I had misgivings since I hated Crash (TG liked it) but Haggis's New Yorker confessional on Scientology wooed me back. In the end, we loved this movie! Lots of suspense, good performances, especially Trudie Styler's delightful cameo (nice facelift), wonderful Aisha Hinds in a too-small part, Liam Neesom's interesting hybrid Irish-Brooklyn accent and fabulous showcasing of Elizabeth Banks's range as an actress. It was fun to revisit Russell Crowe's serious-concerned facial expressions as he went from being a teacher to a badass. He excels at the badass. Worth a rent.

Lastly, recent discovery: my sister-in-law knows The Monkees. Davy Jones made her tea. I am closer to greatness.

*I sided with Howard Roark when I was 22, then realized he was a dick. And a rapist.