The President Appoints Hegel as Secretary of Defense!!!

It's so open-minded of Obama to select an eighteenth-century German philosopher to be in charge of Defense. Ghosts tend not to get as much airplay, especially German ones. Hegel is sooooo awesome because he helped invent German Idealism. He and his friends sat around a table and just came up with it, then put on a happy face, threw fresh daisies on the ground, then took each other out for wienerschnitzel and Rittersport! Idealism will be useful as we crawl up other countries' asses with our guns. The more sunshine we bring to warfare, the less we'll feel like fighting! Yay, Barack!

Kim and Kanye allegedly bought an 11M$ mansion to house her giant fake rear and his arrogance. I actually do think their child will be gorgeous.


Dishnotes on The Bachelor:

Rule #1: Everyone's name is Ashley. How funny was the Fifty Shades girl? I sort of think Chris Harrison's marketing team invented her. Take bestseller + fake insanity = schadenfreude rejection at the rose ceremony + ugly crying in the limo. His team also scoured the U.S. for  another Courtney, like last year, and found Tierra. Add in someone from last year--Kacie B.--and you have some more ugly limo crying. What I like about Sean is that he seems to be picking sane-seeming women, i.e. he's not choosing based on what's in his pants (my cousin would never do that--and neither would Jesus).