Star Sighting--Annie Golden!!!

3:00pm: 15th and 7th. Dish was exiting Westside Market, with bags of TG's favorite foods, and almost ran right into my FAVORITE person from the movie version of Hair, the delightful Annie Golden. Even more awesome, she was talking to herself--as was I! If I hadn't been doing heavy lugging, I would have followed her the hiding-behind-the-bushes-when-TG-ran-after-Will-Arnett begs to differ.

I've caught up on The Bachelor and feel Sean is a serial killer. He fits the profile and keeps making the women do these physical tests--jumping in ice water, climb or descend a tall structure, get in a boat, drink goat milk (as IF) and walk around the mansion. He wants to see them suffer. I don't get why Tiera keeps getting a rose. Her injuries alone make her a bad investment. It's all rigged. Sean can't kick off Tiera because she's ratings gold and the other women are boringly normal (I'm pulling for either trailer park Katie Holmes or the adopted woman).

Smash: Jennifer Hudson is my only reason for watching stop lying, Dish. It's the truth: J-Hud is magic. Everything else seems so cliche. Loved Ivy's opening dress, how it meshed with her brassy blond. Which online stores must I raid to find this exact one??? Glad Messing got rid of milktoast husband--hope she gets with someone who will help her dress sexy again, I mean, for the first time. Sorry, that was unkind.

So, Leann Wasn't Crying Yesterday...

But I was. Today has been smooth sailing except:


Screw you, Downton Abbey. I'm fine with the drama of Sunday's episode, but how could you put everyone in such hell? Poor Elizabeth McGovern and her sweet tears. DA should be all nicey nice. Then again, there was some dead wood on the show. If only they'd release Bates from jail. He could boost everyone's spirits (quiet, Dishbrother! I know you hate Bates, spit on little old ladies and kick puppies!). Also, I'm mostly eager for Edith to get laid.

The Bachelor: Sean is telling too many girls, "I'm crazy about you." I'm not sure who I want to win. Possibly the adopted girl. She's super nice, deserving, heart of gold--but can she be sexy? That's the thing I want to tell girls: having issues, acting mopey may get you attention, but it's not sexy. I wish I'd known this. Luckily, Sean sent home one of the barking-crazy girls.

Today's rumor: That Alec Baldwin impregnated his hot yoga teaching wife. Makes sense. Why wouldn't he? She could do yoga during her pregnancy. I don't like yoga. Is that bad?

Why Lindsay should just go to jail or rehab for a year. She called in sick for court tomorrow today--sudden respiratory infection--but was spotted shopping and smoking today. I can't even believe she's out on the streets. I am tired when I imagine living her life and its vicious circles.

The President Appoints Hegel as Secretary of Defense!!!

It's so open-minded of Obama to select an eighteenth-century German philosopher to be in charge of Defense. Ghosts tend not to get as much airplay, especially German ones. Hegel is sooooo awesome because he helped invent German Idealism. He and his friends sat around a table and just came up with it, then put on a happy face, threw fresh daisies on the ground, then took each other out for wienerschnitzel and Rittersport! Idealism will be useful as we crawl up other countries' asses with our guns. The more sunshine we bring to warfare, the less we'll feel like fighting! Yay, Barack!

Kim and Kanye allegedly bought an 11M$ mansion to house her giant fake rear and his arrogance. I actually do think their child will be gorgeous.


Dishnotes on The Bachelor:

Rule #1: Everyone's name is Ashley. How funny was the Fifty Shades girl? I sort of think Chris Harrison's marketing team invented her. Take bestseller + fake insanity = schadenfreude rejection at the rose ceremony + ugly crying in the limo. His team also scoured the U.S. for  another Courtney, like last year, and found Tierra. Add in someone from last year--Kacie B.--and you have some more ugly limo crying. What I like about Sean is that he seems to be picking sane-seeming women, i.e. he's not choosing based on what's in his pants (my cousin would never do that--and neither would Jesus).

Single and Ready to Take You into Outer Space!!!

Get out your laciest lingerie, ladies, because astronaut Buzz Aldrin is officially divorced! Maybe not so fast. This announcement comes just in time for songstress Taylor Swift. Poor girl might have broken up with One Direction's Harry Styles, something about a fight, she stormed off, that New Year's kiss all for nothing. Dishreaders, I don't think any of this is an accident. Hef and Crystal Harris are paving the way for the May-December romance in 2013. Gray is the new black. Taylor now needs some sweet lovin' from this space pilgrim. Otherwise, I'm sorry, Taylor, but you've reached your star-hunk quota.

Dish missed Downton Abbey last night and precious time with TG before his trip is cutting into my viewing of The Bachelor. What's a girl to do? I'm too ashamed to turn on the TV right now because he'll see what I watch. He doesn't buy that I like to observe female bonding in an unnatural situation.

Okay, he's brushing his teeth now, is about to go read his hoity-toity smart people books. I'm going to watch Sean Lowe (aka my cousin--not by blood, but he totally could be) try to choose Mrs. Right from 26 babes.

A Television Dilemma for the New Year

I already know the answer, but, Dishreaders, I have a problem I'll put out to you, The Universe. Should I watch The Bachelor again premiering on January 7th? I shouldn't but I will for these reasons:

1. Bachelor Sean Lowe looks as if he could be my cousin (on the paternal side), which has an ew factor. BUT I HAVE TO ROOT FOR FAMILY.
2. If I remember correctly, Sean's into Jesus, so I imagine some of the girls will be faking religion, which is a MUST-SEE. Will there be any covert boinking?
3. The cast is more diverse, which makes it politically correct even though the show is basically prostitution, misogynistic and a forum for public humiliation, i.e. read Foucault's Discipline and Punish.
4. I'm going to count how many times someone a. bursts into tears. b. says, "I'm in love with this man." c. says, "This is amazing." and d. says, "It couldn't have gone better."
YES! I WILL WATCH!

Some sad news for two of my faves: Britney Spears might be fired from X Factor for allegedly being too boring. Don't you wonder what happened to her? She seems okay now after a rough time in her 20s but Dish still feels she had psychotic break from post-partum, this based on no knowledge of her life or medical background. Katie Holmes's run in Dead Accounts is ending early, at the beginning of January. Despite this, I have so much hope for her future.

The most manly stars--and Rudy Giuliani--always wind up in drag.