Dish Upon a Star Almost Disappeared

Ladies, I thought Dish was a goner. 20 years of content vanished. For days, I surrendered to the idea that nothing lasts forever. Walk out of the burning house knowing all is lost. I considered starting over from scratch. But then I realized...maybe I'm signing in using the wrong Google account. It's the latest chapter of my new book I'm an Idiot.

I'd wanted to emote about audacious nipples, raging anorexia, and "art" of the Met Gala, but who needs more negativity? That's code for I couldn't find this blog for a couple weeks.

Cutting to the chase, my entertainment recommendations in this order: Legends, The Audacity, Widow's Bay

Secret watching when spouse is asleep: Mean Girl Murders, Dawson's Creek, All the President's Men where I admire Dustin Hoffman's feathery locks. 

I miss a good feather do, i.e. Tom Cruise in MI: 2 and the incomparable Farrah Fawcett, who got us all using a curling iron.

Farah Fawcett Foundation

With everything being bad, I count on the stars for laughs. Like Martin Short's Life is Short (I finally get that the title matches his last name). Enjoyed it, got a little seasick from the shaky camera, went through all the reasons why he annoyed me as a youngster, but became hilarious as I moved into my 40s and 50s. If you've ODed on true crime, Martin Short's doc will replenish your serotonin. What a life. 

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You knew this was coming. Because I'm still obsessed and have no other outlet--family can't bear my Blondie reflections--I am on wedding watch for Taylor and Travis, have been amused by their NYC outings, imagining how they are a mere 5 miles downtown from me. It's okay for me to regress and believe I'm still in my 30s. Just a little while longer.

It's like we're living the same life.

Because I'm on HRT, semi-retired, and have endured emotional love tsunamis already, I can't with the Easter eggs anymore but I love the goo goo eyes between them and her outfits. It's way better than being at war, impoverishing a nation, celebrating incompetence, and watching people proudly showcasing bigotry. Ya know?

Single and Ready to Take You into Outer Space!!!

Get out your laciest lingerie, ladies, because astronaut Buzz Aldrin is officially divorced! Maybe not so fast. This announcement comes just in time for songstress Taylor Swift. Poor girl might have broken up with One Direction's Harry Styles, something about a fight, she stormed off, that New Year's kiss all for nothing. Dishreaders, I don't think any of this is an accident. Hef and Crystal Harris are paving the way for the May-December romance in 2013. Gray is the new black. Taylor now needs some sweet lovin' from this space pilgrim. Otherwise, I'm sorry, Taylor, but you've reached your star-hunk quota.

Dish missed Downton Abbey last night and precious time with TG before his trip is cutting into my viewing of The Bachelor. What's a girl to do? I'm too ashamed to turn on the TV right now because he'll see what I watch. He doesn't buy that I like to observe female bonding in an unnatural situation.

Okay, he's brushing his teeth now, is about to go read his hoity-toity smart people books. I'm going to watch Sean Lowe (aka my cousin--not by blood, but he totally could be) try to choose Mrs. Right from 26 babes.

Kate Is Yakking Again!

Oh wait, I said I wouldn't cover them during their pregnancy. Can I blame it on my Lindt overdose? So anyway, Kate is vomiting again. I feel it's only fair Wills gets equal coverage of his bodily functions. Tell us where/when he lays a giant royal turd, please?

So, that Party Animal Who Played Liz seems to be attaching at the member to a member of The Wanted. Now Dish has to research and see what this band is about. Then watch something by New Direction, to whose member Taylor Swift (I think that's her name) is attached to one of the members. I'm so tired.

On a serious note: Say a prayer for Mexican-American singer Jenni Rivera whose plane crashed early this morning. No news on where she is but so far, authorities fear the worst.

Losing 10 Pounds Has Made Me Crazy (er)!

I stepped on the scale this morning and realized I'd lost 10 pounds since April -- when I upped my running regime to 20 miles per week. For some reason, my appetite has left the building, and while I'm ready for TV again, I feel like crap. Dish is not meant to be this thin. Will force myself to chow down. The body wants what it wants. My Pussycat Doll performance will have to wait.

Even though he dissed our segment, I can't help falling in love with Anderson Cooper as he shreds Amanda Bynes over her Tweet to the Prez. A Dish-source once dealt with her and said she was super-mean. Too bad because What a Girl Wants is one of my favorite movies. Love Kelly Preston too...

The big drama is the alleged confrontation between former lovers Taylor Swift and John Mayer. Years ago, she wrote a song dissing him. He was probably a douchey BF (and not even a BF) and, as Simon Le Bon sings in Arcadia's Meet El Presidente "Hell hath no fury like a young girl's ego...". Years later Mayer said her song was mean and bs. A day later they are at the same restaurant and it was like oh my god and in your face. Yeah, I don't believe a word.

Dish has written many vengeance pieces but only one will see the light of day. Maybe.

Tuesday's Highlights...

I did not watch the AMAs. Too many morons giving speeches. Taylor Swift won the big one.

Seattle Mariners Greg Halman stabbed to death by his brother. Nice! This is why Dish is not a fan of Thanksgiving. Bad things happen. What about the arrest of the "lone wolf" bomb suspect? Crisis. Must eat brownies.

Rehabbers: Ex-fiancee of Michael Lohan--who beat the crap out of her b/c he was probably wasted too--and tabloid maven Kate Major checked herself in. And bruiser Michael Lohan also checked himself in but it was court ordered. Losers.

The Bachelorette's Ali and Roberto have split. Did Dish call this or what? I didn't even watch the show, my skills of celebrity deduction are *that* good.

Justin Bieber took the DNA test. Dish is taking herself out on a date tomorrow night to Jersey Boys. Cannot wait.