Summer is almost TOO exciting with The Bachelorette finale, Breaking Bad and Political Animals!

This is a gorgeous dress. It would look more amazing on me. Tonight's the night Emily chooses her man (or men...) and I'm on pins and needles. Will it be Jef or Arie? Somehow, I have to sneak in Breaking Bad, which I hear was awesome last night.

Headline: Alcohol + jail time + beating your spouse + ignoring your children + going back to the woman from whom you've been banished repeatedly + talking constantly to the tabloids = Today's White Trash. The world will end because Michael Lohan dastardly seed has impregnated the dastardly womb of former tabloider Kate Major. They are playing out a violent domestic situation for all to see with boozin', hittin', fame-whorin' and jailin'. They will wind up on Snapped. Before then, Jay Leno will invite Papa Lohan on his show and heartily congratulate him. Reality show is next.

FYI--I hate Jacquie Lawson e-cards. Don't send them to me. It takes forever and I don't give two sh*ts about little mice moving at a slow speed to decorate a freaking tree. Just tell me Happy Birthday. Then again, beggars can't be choosers.

Tuesday's Highlights...

I did not watch the AMAs. Too many morons giving speeches. Taylor Swift won the big one.

Seattle Mariners Greg Halman stabbed to death by his brother. Nice! This is why Dish is not a fan of Thanksgiving. Bad things happen. What about the arrest of the "lone wolf" bomb suspect? Crisis. Must eat brownies.

Rehabbers: Ex-fiancee of Michael Lohan--who beat the crap out of her b/c he was probably wasted too--and tabloid maven Kate Major checked herself in. And bruiser Michael Lohan also checked himself in but it was court ordered. Losers.

The Bachelorette's Ali and Roberto have split. Did Dish call this or what? I didn't even watch the show, my skills of celebrity deduction are *that* good.

Justin Bieber took the DNA test. Dish is taking herself out on a date tomorrow night to Jersey Boys. Cannot wait.