Summer is almost TOO exciting with The Bachelorette finale, Breaking Bad and Political Animals!

This is a gorgeous dress. It would look more amazing on me. Tonight's the night Emily chooses her man (or men...) and I'm on pins and needles. Will it be Jef or Arie? Somehow, I have to sneak in Breaking Bad, which I hear was awesome last night.

Headline: Alcohol + jail time + beating your spouse + ignoring your children + going back to the woman from whom you've been banished repeatedly + talking constantly to the tabloids = Today's White Trash. The world will end because Michael Lohan dastardly seed has impregnated the dastardly womb of former tabloider Kate Major. They are playing out a violent domestic situation for all to see with boozin', hittin', fame-whorin' and jailin'. They will wind up on Snapped. Before then, Jay Leno will invite Papa Lohan on his show and heartily congratulate him. Reality show is next.

FYI--I hate Jacquie Lawson e-cards. Don't send them to me. It takes forever and I don't give two sh*ts about little mice moving at a slow speed to decorate a freaking tree. Just tell me Happy Birthday. Then again, beggars can't be choosers.

Divorcing with the Stars!

There had to be a part II in the Debra Messing divorce bombshell. She's supposedly dating her Smash co-star Will Chase! TG and I watched the preview for this flickipoo and it looks a little like Burlesque/A Chorus Line/You Light Up My Life/Fame-ish. Might have to see it anyway since I love Debra. She looks so happy in this pic, like the glow that comes from new romance. Or in my case, I get that glow when I see a bacon cheeseburger with fries.

Hollywood's favorite psychopath Mike Lohan collapsed in his AA meeting and the docs found a new blood clot in his lungs. I don't wish him ill but Karma is a bitch. As my doctor says, the bad stuff has to come out somehow (I won't elaborate on how this relates to me except baked goods every day for a month + no vegetables = you do the math).

According to TMZ, an ex-Kardashian nanny is shopping a book in which she trashes the kids. Speaking from someone in that publishing industry (as you can tell), I don't see a huge market for this. By the time it comes out the K empire won't be so hot. This book would send more bad energy out into the universe. And we already can guess how spoiled the girls might have been. Now if the nanny were a caretaker by day, dominatrix to the stars by night...

Cattiness ensues between Deion Sanders's soon-to-be ex and her stepdaughter, who began a Twitter war claiming Pilar (Deion's wife) was an unfaithful gold-digger. Everyone looks ugly in this. Best to be quiet.

Kim does not look good crying...

Not many celebs do, except for Demi Moore, Julia Roberts, Keanu Reeves, Harrison Ford, and Barbra Streisand. Watch here the raw emotion Kim expresses over her changed feelings for her husband: http://www.eonline.com/videos/kourtney-and-kim-take-new-york-season-4/174759. I have too many TV commitments on Sunday to watch. But I probably will. Not.

Michael Lohan was rushed to the hospital to have emergency heart surgery. Just when you think he got off scot free. A bad ticker is a great equalizer especially if you're violent and awful. Cheers to his health.

Piers Morgan's wife gave birth to a girl named Elise. I was horrified to see that Piers is close to my age, which means I better kick some ass to be as accomplished as he is. Damn!

Another movie is causing convulsions! Breaking Dawn's birth scene is said to make you sick. Maybe because it hurts like hell to give birth?

Dish's new 2012 Duran Duran calendar is here. First off, Dr. Nick Rhodes is wearing a cross broach. Has he found Jesus? If so, why not make the leap to quitting smoking and exercising? Dish doesn't keep up, maybe he's done both. I worry about his health more than the others. Don't know why.

Selena Gomez's mother is preggo. Is she as old as Piers?

Tuesday's Highlights...

I did not watch the AMAs. Too many morons giving speeches. Taylor Swift won the big one.

Seattle Mariners Greg Halman stabbed to death by his brother. Nice! This is why Dish is not a fan of Thanksgiving. Bad things happen. What about the arrest of the "lone wolf" bomb suspect? Crisis. Must eat brownies.

Rehabbers: Ex-fiancee of Michael Lohan--who beat the crap out of her b/c he was probably wasted too--and tabloid maven Kate Major checked herself in. And bruiser Michael Lohan also checked himself in but it was court ordered. Losers.

The Bachelorette's Ali and Roberto have split. Did Dish call this or what? I didn't even watch the show, my skills of celebrity deduction are *that* good.

Justin Bieber took the DNA test. Dish is taking herself out on a date tomorrow night to Jersey Boys. Cannot wait.

Happy Birthday, Simon Le Bon!!!

And he was in Page Six today, rocking his Kenneth-Branagh-Much-Ado beard. Dish had to Google the Standard Hotel, shameful given close residency to this fine establishment. Dishcolleague, who also went to the MSG concert on Tuesday, sat five feet in front of the Le Bons and Taylors. She confirmed a well-known fact: That Yasmin Le Bon is still the most beautiful woman on Earth.

Another talented beauty and Renaissance woman Rita Wilson not only produces films but will be releasing an album in February 2012. Let's hope this Hollywood housewife (though she's way more than that) CAN sing. I will get it the minute it comes out because I've liked her since Bonfire of the Vanities, one of the world's suckiest movies that I still love to watch. Because it's all cyclical: one of its stars Bruce Willis and his wife Emma Heming have a baby on the way.

Eternal jackass and no shining example of fatherhood Michael Lohan was released from jail only to harass his ex again and get busted fleeing from police. Some people just belong behind bars. Landfill.