Facebook Fast: Day Two

The clouds in my head lift a little more today. I take all my vitamins, even though I think they're bullshit. Instead of losing myself in Angry Birds, I stare into the subway car window, wondering why Mitt Romney's got a fake tan. Does he not see he forgot the eyes? Is Mitt that in love with Snooki? Did he wear a Speedo and where are the pictures? Oh wait, no pics please.

I'm obsessed with politics now. Luckily, TG wanted to watch Piers again tonight. With Ahmadinejad (you're so impressed I can still spell his name 24 hours later), Piers acted like a snooty Brit--asking allegedly probing questions but really, predictable and often disrespectful. I don't care if you're interviewing the Tasmanian Devil, you are respectful. With Bill Clinton, Piers practically gives him penis washes. In therapy, instead of discussing my ennui--because that's all it ever is--we dish on Ahmadinejad, how he likes to be provocative--starts out with nice-nice-peace-peace before unleashing the crazy. It reminds me of post-partum Britney. I'm sure Therapist made the same connection.

Speaking of celebs, TG has just discovered Gangnam Style. Our worlds have changed. Learning the dance is so much better than tracking the latest divorce between Plastic Face and Douchebag. Psy and TG are like-minded. My husband will master this dance. The key is catching it on my iPad.


More proof that Facebook fasting improves your life: I've accepted spontaneous invitations for this week. I know! Dish is never spontaneous. My outings are well planned with potential roadblocks sanitized and processed. Basically, it takes a village. Once I'm at the village, I'm great. Getting there is my hell and that of everyone around me. So, tomorrow night, yeah, I'm doing something. And I might not back out at the last minute! This weekend was free...until today when I thought, sure, what the hell, I'll get into a crowded car, travel, interact with others and do something that will support someone else. WTF?

No Facebook/Tabloids = Shocking Productivity

I wondered where the hell my brain went these last few years. Why was I not getting anything done? It's all Facebook and TMZ's fault. I adore them both to pieces, but I need a break. There is too much information.

So yesterday, on my Yom Kippuresque fast, I did laundry, read a few projects, made the bed, edited some grueling pages, answered many emails, listened to an inspiring self-hypnosis tape, bought new sponges, started a Pema Chodron book, ordered yarn, and basically kicked some ass.

Will repeat this today.

I also filled my mind with intellectual things: like I looked up "Coptic Christian" so that I could be up to date on the latest international crisis. I also learned a lot about Gonorrhea (esp. how to spell it) and that there's a new superbug strain that is resistant to drugs. Thanks, The New Yorker! Did you know Gonorrhea was given such an awesome-sounding name because the pus discharged was mistaken to be semen? Literally, it's "seed flow." I bet those scientists are embarrassed!

TG and I watched Piers Morgan's interview with Ahmadinejad. For the first forty-five minutes, the little king seemed reasonable with love/peace to everyone, let's not get into each other's butts when there's a conflict, sure a single woman can ski in Iran, blah di blah. Around 9:45, the crazy came out, i.e. questioning the holocaust, gays are bad, etc...It's sad this little pocket ruler with the sparkling eyes spews such weirdness (and sugar-coated hate).

My one brush with the stars was reading that Katie Couric was bulimic in college. I don't get making yourself barf. Anorexia seems so much easier. I was anorexic for a week when I was 15, living on 500 calories and running 5 miles a day. I then discovered all the ingredients for a delicious Dagwood sandwich in my mother's fridge. I've had periods where I'm so stressed I can't eat and always feel sick. I'm sure it's something close to anorexia. Food intake is the only thing I can control. My cure is usually delicious ice cream and chocolate.

Why Did Piers Ban Madonna?

Piers Morgan has banned Madonna from his flailing CNN show...and every other show he does. Not only that, I've fallen into his trap! I'm writing about him. Ergo, more print about him, which might make me watch his show! Damn you, Piers. But what could be the cause of this bad blood between Piers and Madge? Dish smells a scenario involving sex gone bad. Or resentment over no sex. Oh well, I'm sure Madonna isn't crying and I'll still enjoy his shows even though he strikes me as oily.

Fame-whoring parents: Divorce sucks. Multiply this by ten when both parents go to the press to whine about the divorce. Add in some kids and you have a big mess caused by adults. Christie Brinkley cried on TV about having her character assassinated (try being a Kardashian!). Peter Cook accused her of being a liar and a bad mother. If you do decades of math, they both seem pretty awful and old news.

The self-proclaimed first supermodel (It certainly wasn't Cheryl Tiegs or Twiggy) Janice Dickinson has come out viciously against Kim Kardashian and the whole-lotta-nothing flour incident. Public catfight! I sort of feel as if divorcing Kris was a terrible idea for KK. It's been downhill ever since for the entire family.

To the Gen-Y-failed-model-turned-aspiring-screenwriter (one of the many that occupies bohemian coffeehouse The Commons with its delicious grilled cheese): I hope ten years from now--when not everything gets handed to you on a silver platter--that someone doesn't offer you a seat as you're juggling four bags, keys and an espresso. This is the same guy who takes up three seats on the subway because his legs are spread wide, his junk allegedly that enormous.

Kim does not look good crying...

Not many celebs do, except for Demi Moore, Julia Roberts, Keanu Reeves, Harrison Ford, and Barbra Streisand. Watch here the raw emotion Kim expresses over her changed feelings for her husband: http://www.eonline.com/videos/kourtney-and-kim-take-new-york-season-4/174759. I have too many TV commitments on Sunday to watch. But I probably will. Not.

Michael Lohan was rushed to the hospital to have emergency heart surgery. Just when you think he got off scot free. A bad ticker is a great equalizer especially if you're violent and awful. Cheers to his health.

Piers Morgan's wife gave birth to a girl named Elise. I was horrified to see that Piers is close to my age, which means I better kick some ass to be as accomplished as he is. Damn!

Another movie is causing convulsions! Breaking Dawn's birth scene is said to make you sick. Maybe because it hurts like hell to give birth?

Dish's new 2012 Duran Duran calendar is here. First off, Dr. Nick Rhodes is wearing a cross broach. Has he found Jesus? If so, why not make the leap to quitting smoking and exercising? Dish doesn't keep up, maybe he's done both. I worry about his health more than the others. Don't know why.

Selena Gomez's mother is preggo. Is she as old as Piers?