No Facebook/Tabloids = Shocking Productivity

I wondered where the hell my brain went these last few years. Why was I not getting anything done? It's all Facebook and TMZ's fault. I adore them both to pieces, but I need a break. There is too much information.

So yesterday, on my Yom Kippuresque fast, I did laundry, read a few projects, made the bed, edited some grueling pages, answered many emails, listened to an inspiring self-hypnosis tape, bought new sponges, started a Pema Chodron book, ordered yarn, and basically kicked some ass.

Will repeat this today.

I also filled my mind with intellectual things: like I looked up "Coptic Christian" so that I could be up to date on the latest international crisis. I also learned a lot about Gonorrhea (esp. how to spell it) and that there's a new superbug strain that is resistant to drugs. Thanks, The New Yorker! Did you know Gonorrhea was given such an awesome-sounding name because the pus discharged was mistaken to be semen? Literally, it's "seed flow." I bet those scientists are embarrassed!

TG and I watched Piers Morgan's interview with Ahmadinejad. For the first forty-five minutes, the little king seemed reasonable with love/peace to everyone, let's not get into each other's butts when there's a conflict, sure a single woman can ski in Iran, blah di blah. Around 9:45, the crazy came out, i.e. questioning the holocaust, gays are bad, etc...It's sad this little pocket ruler with the sparkling eyes spews such weirdness (and sugar-coated hate).

My one brush with the stars was reading that Katie Couric was bulimic in college. I don't get making yourself barf. Anorexia seems so much easier. I was anorexic for a week when I was 15, living on 500 calories and running 5 miles a day. I then discovered all the ingredients for a delicious Dagwood sandwich in my mother's fridge. I've had periods where I'm so stressed I can't eat and always feel sick. I'm sure it's something close to anorexia. Food intake is the only thing I can control. My cure is usually delicious ice cream and chocolate.

Why Is Everyone Being an A-Hole Today?

Is it just me? Rushers rushed down the stairs as if I weren't there. I seemed to say the wrong thing and with my scratchy voice, it never sounds good. Cellphoneaholics blocked my path to and from my destination. The treadmill didn't want me. And mostly, I've encountered snappish humans who've made me snappish. Screw you all!

Now that that's out of the way.

Maybe I'm upset because I am resisting Glee. I don't want to get hooked into another season yet the guilt might make me cave. Then again, if I turn on the TV, it might interrupt someone's more important work. All I do is flit and flutter about.

Alison Pill must be drunk, desperate and off meds since she accidentally tweeted her tatas to the world. There are no accidents and she caught us yawning. I liked her in Milk and In Treatment but I've lost all respect for anything she's done. Who's next, Susan Sarandon? Actually, that would be okay. She has great jugs!

I'll have to watch this mess on Dr. Phil. And you think I'm slurring and out of it. Cannot wait to see Dr. Phil therapize the one who bore a culture killer.

Sally Struthers busted DUI.

Some scoop from Katie's new show and the episode with J.Lo. Allegedly, J.Lo was gorgeous and friendly with fans. But Katie was on edge and didn't seem to jibe with J.Lo, like something was "off." Maybe J.Lo demanded too much, i.e. Vitamin Water, monogrammed M&Ms and peppermint flavored laxatives, in her dressing room. Dish is applying for free tickets IMMEDIATELY.

Since I heard Daniel Day Lewis was playing Lincoln, I was itching for a trailer. Sadly, the vomitatious Spielberg music and self-righteous over-acting might make me skip this in favor of The Master.

Steven Seagal Still Follows Dish

FYI it's very hard to post from an iPad but mucho convenient. Sorry for the no pics. I'll make up for it on Saturday when we return. But seriously, way back in 2006 I must have posted about how Steven Seagal "appears" whenever I travel. He did not let me down. Spotted him in today's NYT and his hands/feet outside of Grauman's Chinese Theater. Today we did some touristy things and I got to give Morgan Freeman the finger at Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum. So satisfying.

What is unsatisfying: Cuba Gooding Jr is wanted for shoving a female bartender. It's the Oscar curse. This is why I do a sh&tty job so as not to win awards. Oh wait, I sort of did, so I expect life will go downhill immediately. Cuba, there's no excuse for violence, especially in New Orleans, the funnest town on Earth, except the heat drives you mad in July.

NBC Today ratings continue to decline, bahahahahahaha, chortles Ann Curry and Katie Couric.

Redheads Don't Have More Fun, But The Victory Is Greater When We Do Have a Little Fun!

I often get mistaken for the Flying Tomato himself, Shaun White, gingie supreme. We redheads fight the crippling stigma of being whorish, ill-tempered, Irish, weird and Satanic. So when I hear the news that Shaun White is dating DiCaprio's castaway Bar Rafaeli*, I must stand and do the slow clap. Way to go, Paula. Way to go.

Continuing in my Love to Hate James Franco series, look at what the mother-fella wrote for Huffpo.Could he name-drop more excellent movies and if he loves Sean Penn so much, why doesn't he marry him? Wasn't making out with him in Milk enough? Just kidding. The boy is immersed in books and films, has the name to get published on HuffPo and by Amazon's publishing arm, even if a mite choppy. I'm sure he could re-tile my bathroom, the learned Renaissance bastard!

Katie Couric has a new talk show and new boyfriend. SCORE! I don't care if she shrieks at her makeup people. I love this woman. I watched Bethenny's new show and wasn't thoroughly wowed. I mean, she's hilarious and overpowers mere mortals. And don't we have enough talk shows? Shouldn't say that since she *could* discover the story of Dish and TG and FLY US OUT AND HAVE US APPEAR. Bethenny's show is awesome. Love her! Really, I do.

*Though Bar should remember Dish's maxim: Never date an athlete. Never ever.

Cougar Cubs Dropping Like Flies!

Finally am watching Burlesque. Aguilera leaves her crappy job, has big boobs, wants to make it in a big city where Cher works. Oh no, you can't work here, Cher says. Who do you think you are, talented? I'm somebody, Agui says, now watch me work it by grinding against this chair. She does and they all stop rolling their eyes. Stanley Tucci is slack-jawed with amazement. Girl, you're hired! Jealousy, cat fight, romance, etc... My fave is Julianne Hough. She's the only one who looks as if she's having fun. Alan Cumming's gift is wasted though I do have an hour left.

Here's Julianne in another movie. Cannot wait to see Tom Cruise rock, a little reminiscent of Magnolia and Tropic Thunder: