Make the Celebrities Stop Fighting! Someone's Going to Get Hurt!

It's an epidemic! Stars are fighting with writers. Let's get a big pool of creamed corn and watch these violent flesh-balls go at it. I'll bring the Bratwurst and Pepsi.

In ring 1: Sleaze writer Joe Eszterhas and Mel Gibson are dueling over anti-semitic remarks the actor/director allegedly made. Mel claims Joe's script for Maccabees blew moose testes. These two skeeve me out to the max. My advice: Get out a ruler. What else is there to do now that Maccabees is a no-go? And we were all so excited about this one.

In ring 2: The love fest between Andrea Peyser and Alec Baldwin continues--as does Dish's fascination! Though, I find some faulty reporting in her dwelling on his I-swallowed-a-water-buffalo appearance adopted by many doughy middle-aged male stars*. Alec has slimmed down, no doubt encouraged by his seemingly-awesome fiancee**. Doesn't Alec remind you of a certain temperamental, weight-shifting Democrat with woman problems? Teddy Kennedy lives! Okay, I just blasphemed. Is it possible for me not to take sides in this issue? Can't I love them both?

In ring 3: Alec is pissed at NBC and said he's dumping the network after their news crews camped out at his place. I'd rather see his hissy than read passive-aggressive tweets, but as an avid stargazer, do feel stars should have some privacy. Curiosity is a sick beast.

Marc Anthony filed for divorce from J.Lo citing irreconcilable differences, which means 1. Let's just end this thing 2. Something really bad happened. 3. Celebrity marriage ADD. In the case of these two, I'd go for option #1.

Zimmerman was finally charged with second degree murder. Can I get an It's About Time?

*Russell Crowe, Steven Seagal--though Crowe may have slimmed down and Seagal did look svelte in Exit Wounds. These boys yo-yo diet like teenage girls!
**I can't articulate why but she seems like a cool cucumber to Dish.

Off to See God Himself AKA Alan Rickman in "Seminar"!

I cannot wait to see AR on stage again. Review to come. I hear Jerry O'Connell is fabulous too.

More happiness: Drew Barrymore is taking the plunge for the third time! What I love about Drew is that she has a type: dorky dudes and she tends to up their star points. Dishfriend once stood in line with her at Bed, Bath and Beyond and said she was darling.

Keri Russell (aka Felicity) gave birth to a girl! I can't be bothered to look up the name but I imagine it's something like Peach or Lorelei Buzzkill or Raine. Meanwhile, I'm trying to heal the indigestion from seeing the latest Twitterpic of Marc Anthony--all fuzzy-eyed--smooching on a J.Lo twin. Quick, J.Lo time to mount Casper on a bench!

Al Sharpton Added to Our Monday Lineup!

It seems Monday has taken over as having the most Must-See TV. The Closer, Rizzoli and Isles, A-List: New York, Bachelor Pad and now...Al Sharpton on MSNBC's Politics Nation. Once TG finds out about this, you might hear a squeal in the Chelsea area of Manhattan. He loves Al and especially commends him on his weight loss. He's so cuddly now.

In--ahem--sadder news, Paris Hilton's reality show The World According to Paris has been canceled. Face it, Kim K. has taken over.

The Will Smith/Jada drama continues with who-knows-what gossip. TMZ reports that the marriage is in trouble. That Will allegedly walked in on Jada and Hawthorne co-star Marc Anthony and left in tears. I hope this is false but thirteen years is a great run in Hollywood! Drama aside: I do think Marc Anthony is a good actor, judging from the Hawthorne promos. Such interesting timing with his split with J.Lo. But would you choose Marc over Will?

Watching The Kennedys, the one with Katie Holmes and Greg Kinnear. It is intensely boring. Don't go beyond the first episode. No wonder why no big network wanted it.

Ben Flajnik is the new Bachelor. Bleh. He seems too normal. Will skip.

Dish is getting tickets to Duran Duran at MSG tomorrow and also sent mortifying high school term paper to their management company. All in a day's work. So embarrassing. We are off to Montreal tomorrow for Honeymoon Part Deux. Let's hope Irene doesn't screw it all up.

The Elephant in the Room

For a few years now I've wondered when Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony would divorce, which is cruel of me. They announced their split yesterday. I remember when they got married. June 5, 2004, the day Ronald Reagan died (I think). What a sweet couple, though it seemed like a rebound marriage. She'd been engaged to Ben Affleck and Marc Anthony had only recently divorced from his wife. Jennifer is larger than life, a burst of sunshine on the screen. Every time she appeared with MA, she seemed bigger--though I have a large faction of Marc Anthony fans who felt she tainted him and his career. He's looked terrible of late, withering to nothing and hiding behind sunglasses. I won't speculate any more. I just hope the split is amicable for them both.

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills wife Taylor is divorcing Russell, who seemed like a total jackass. Maybe he volunteered for a shelter in his spare time. Benefit of the doubt?

In happier news, Nick Lachey and Vanessa Manillo finally got married in a private ceremony away from the hullabaloo. Yeah, I'm sure their nuptials would have been flooded with paps. Forgive the snarkiness. TG has strep throat. Today is our six-month anniversary but he is on the couch, healing. Even sick, he is a joy to be with.