2 Tired Women, 2 Angry Men

These women are so tired. I'm so tired. This week, Sarah Linden and Emily Thorne are my role models. On The Killing, Sarah walks around sleep deprived yet determined to solve a case. How she drives around endlessly, chasing leads, I don't know. On Revenge, Emily hides a whopper of a secret and must carry through a genius plan of revenge against the Graysons. Does she sleep? No, because she has to stay one step ahead and she still looks awesome and can beat the crap out of anyone. Dish is horribly sleep deprived now for almost a week. Insomnia makes me dizzy, angry, weepy, spacey, anxious and depressed. I tend to become this on the couch until Sweet Morpheus finds me again. The only good thing about sleeplessness is that I stop eating, ergo can go back to my runway days. TG has fled until sweet Dish returns.

I learned so much today by listening to the latest Mel Gibson rant, released by Joe Eszterhas. You cackle but Gibson should teach classes on unleashing one's demon. Can you imagine, rows of gym bunnies, music pumping all screaming: you f***cking *($)#( c**ks**ckkking [insert ethnic slur] sl**ttttbagwhoooooorrreeeee. Oh, sugar t*ts, you really went off the rails when you did What Women Want. I keep wondering why any woman would want Mel these days. Maybe it's the promise of a sweeter side, the genius that peeks out now and then. Now if only Mel and Alec Baldwin would mud wrestle and scream at each other, it would make my year. At least someone needs to put their rants to club music.

Sadness: Greg Ham from Men At Work was found dead in Melbourne. I'm bathing in tears over insomnia the genius of this song.

Gladness: Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer pregnated!!! Awwwww, Sookay.

Antoine Sabitahge!!!

lissin-up, hores. i jes thru up n the cowch & now wll ruh-porte on the starzz!

The Bicherlor iz roomered 2 be sleepin w/ 3 othr feemailes. Cn ani-1 sai GONE-OREE-YA? Wll he winde up w/ Cortnee the Evel Modelle?

Revenge sukked--xcep th issey Victoreea aka Madlin Sto

on reel houssw-ives v oreng cuntry tamry & rossi bi six toys! Skindalis!!!

rikk sanitarium lkks lik a claimation ponny n i wanna hit him. h no likks th wimins bt semms obsessd w/ men havn' sixy time in the milit'ry!

julia n th covre ov Vanity Far--rowr!

Ooo, shee odored chikkin! musst go behg!

William Devane Sexes Up "Revenge"

I think he went to school with Dishbiologicalfather but despite this I was so happy to see him on Revenge where frozen-face-and-squint acting meets WASPington Mansion! It hits too close to home for me in the best way with all the air-kissing, repressed rage and sarcasm. While I was glued to the episode, I predicted it from Minute 1 when Danny was frozen-face-down in the sand. They always kill off the ugly a-hole and there had to be a twist, right? What did you think of this non-shocking episode?

Dishbrotherhusband informed me of a Queer As Folk Reunion/conference in Germany this year. Color me dizzy in all the colors of the rainbow. I'd swoon breathing the same oxygen as Sharon Gless. My lung capacity was tested when Gale Harold starred in Suddenly, Last Summer on Broadway and I survived the experience.

Rest in peace, Gary Carter--a baseball legend. Poor guy.

As I sign off, please pray for me, readers. I might have sprained my toes due to really bad sneakers that don't support the foot properly. And I just keep running.

Dish Served Cold Right Here!!!

Today a woman ran away from me, ostensibly to get to her destination faster but I know she didn't want to endure the drudgery of small talk with Dish. My first thought was, "I'll show you." If I were on Housewives, I'd call her and make a lunch date, then throw a big public hissy. Then I realized, I'm 43. Aren't I above these bitchy revenge schemes?

Think again!

I could see Dishshrink's brow furrowing when I told her revenge made me stronger, not weaker. It motivated me to break boards with my hands, eat a whole tin of Altoids and do jumping jacks in my office. I looked off to the side as memories of persecution and retribution filled my soul. The person who said, "The best revenge is living well" needs to cuddle his stuffed ducky!

My enemy list is rife with jackasses on whom I wish a thousand ills. But I would never act on my malice because my pathetic rivals tend to hurt themselves. The key to revenge is patience and Dish has this in abundance.

Yes, I watched 10 episodes of ABC's Revenge starring Pointy-Nosed Actress all in one weekend. After learning that MLK plagiarized his dissertation, I had to take a hiatus from peace, love, and understanding. Revenge inspired me to be cold, calculating and smarter than everyone. Like PNA, I'll go to Japan where I'll receive my special Karate Kid training.

In addition, all you Dish subjects, I shall perfect a monotone, like PNA, as I wreak havoc on my foes. Right now, I sound like Selma from The Simpsons thanks to twenty years of puffing Parliaments/Merits/Marlboros/Gaulois/Cafe Creme/Vagina Slimes/Anything that smokes. All that will change.

I will be bland. I will be blonde. I will get my revenge!

Kardashian Bombshell That Seems Kinda Malish

The tabloids suddenly and inexplicably seem fixated on the possibility that Khloe Kardashian, the scary and least robotic one, is not biologically a Kardashian. If I were Khloe, I'd be enraged but also not surprised--since all bets are off when you're a K. On the bright side, she's richer than the people reporting these awful things. The rumors might be originating from Robert Kardashian's last wife who also spewed that Bruce Jenner cross-dresses. As if this will get me out of bed in the morning. Give me something *really* scandalous -- like photographic evidence that Bruce and Kris still do it.

In a related note, God Bryan Ferry got married to a sweet young lass. More than this? There's nothing. Well, except this clip, which made me cry despite off key. Think it was the sequins: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5JyHrqLJNk&list=FLgKF76xPBOTIX6LFpyz2cwA&index=61&feature=plpp_video.

Halle Berry is engaged to Olivier Martinez, but those pesky French boys, so secretive. He popped the question six months ago. Remember when Richard Gere clocked him in Unfaithful? Maybe I need to stop watching Snapped.

Which reminds me, Revenge. Just started watching, thanks to two gay male friends who say it's "The Best". I have misgivings when a series begins with a voice-over, "When I was a little girl..." Pointy-nosed-actress from Brothers & Sisters gives me a dull gut ache but I'm willing to get through a few eps.

So, Bill O'Reilly having NYPD spy on his wife to see if she's cheating? If true, love is alive on Fox!