Jennifer Garner Has Popped!

Doesn't Jennifer make pregnancy seem so effortless? She always looks happy and enthusiastic. I saw her on Broadway in Cyrano and she was an utter delight, as sparkling on stage as on screen. The show itself was mediocre but I love her overall and wish I could summon her on occasion. Congratulations, JG, for having a boy!

Another mother but far more controversial, that Angelina has made waves for flashing her leg. Are we in the dark ages? She's being criticized for the pose but I feel brain damaged because I don't get the big deal. We saw her naked in Gia so what else could possibly shock us? I loved the flash of leg. That's what slits in dresses are for!!!

The Bachelor spoiler: Finally arrived the most offensive episode for us Dish Prudes: The F*ck Room Fantasy Suite episode where they can spend the rest of the evening boinking like rabbits who just got out of prison getting to know each other better. Do the last three contestants get tested for STDs before TFS? I knew the plumper girl (by plumper I mean the normal sized and beautiful) would get sent home. Then in a fake-surprise encounter, Kacie B. flew all the way to Switzerland only to get the door shut in her face again by Ben. Her frown lines have grown Muppet deep and I wonder if Ben sucked the happiness out of her. Poor Kacie B. She deserves so much better.

Desperate Housewives alum Nicollette Sheridan went to court against Marc Cherry who allegedly smacked her on the set then killed her off the show. They basically hired Vanessa Williams to take her place. You need a "slutty one" in every show and it's a great gig. But I'm sure Nico can do better than DH, which has gone downhill since she left.

Natalie Portman seems to have married her balletman. I'm doing deep knee bends and pirouettes in their honor. No furniture was harmed.

The Geezers Are Having a Hard Time!

Poor Paula Deen. Poor Bruce Jenner. Someone has to preach the deliciousness of fatty food. So why is Anthony Bourdain condemning her? Maybe he's in love with her. Even though she gave herself Diabetes, she is adorable and America loves her. Are we all supposed to eat steamed vegetables and fish seared in water? I may be pre-Diabetic myself but I'd like the occasional opportunity to fry my food in butter then throw it in a vat of sugar then powder it with some spiced melatonin, while listening to Duran Duran. We might as well burn all of Julia Child's books, too. As for Bruce Jenner having a touch of skin cancer, I wish the poor guy luck. He has enough on his plate of smoked salmon and celery stalks with nothing on them.

The Bachelor--Blow by Precious Blow. Dish was on Team Kacie B--who looked the best in a bikini--but given Ben's nerdlike ways (the Keanu makeover does NOT cover up this Pointdexter) I'd choose the Ph.D scientist who went up the bridge and conquered her fear of heights. Their phobia-facing kiss warmed my cockles as true fake TV love blossomed in the highest! How sad that one girl felt so conflicted about herself that she left, but in true Bachelor fashion, you have to sweep off the crazies, the tormented and the uggos who didn't belong in the first place. I felt terrible for the swooning girl--that would have been Dish from lack of sleep, nourishment, proximity to future reality celebrities--but no guy likes such antics. Pointdexter didn't seem to react either, which means he won't be visiting you in the hospital unless you're almost totally recovered. So glad he kicked off Morticia, though her storming in was incredibly contrived and the girls did a poor job of acting outraged. Double-lame. Yes, I'll watch next week.