Run, Don't Walk to See "Betrayal" on Broadway

I lost my mind on my Dish-writing hiatus this past spring: I stopped caring about tabloid stories. Imagine my chagrin. Am I depressed? Who am I but a lover of star trash? As it turns out, by investing in a worthwhile cause, I extracted myself from worthless causes, i.e. the Lindsays, the Parises, the Britneys and the Kardashians as portrayed by the media. My time on TMZ greatly diminished, I felt/feel a little empty. How else to fill this space?

To begin, I've started reading again--like, good books, studying sales numbers from week to week. I'm not sure why. Then I watch writers talk about their writing and they've become my new tabloid (they're not as pretty but they at least can form sentences). Talking to people more helps ease my star-gazing withdrawal. It's been a 45-year addiction so I still have to look if the Jenners split up or Charlie pulls out of Fifty Shades (proof that film already in trouble).

A couple months ago, I bought a ticket to see Betrayal purely because am obsessed with the Daniel Craig/Rachel Weisz marriage, like do they emit hot chemisty sparks between them on stage? I almost blew it off because, as I say above, I stopped caring about the stars. A friend urged me to reconsider, that I'd miss something great (i.e. the play itself and Daniel Craig on stage). Dishreaders, I am so glad I pulled myself together this past Friday. One should never miss this play or James Bond doing theater. What a pleasure--the cast, a Pinter play. My faith in some celebrities, literature, and pop culture has been renewed.

TG and I are going to see the hot Cherry Jones and Spock in The Glass Menagerie. Dish is a Tennessee Williams virgin and preparing to be thoroughly mind-f*cked.

Marilyn Never Sounded Like THAT!

Smash finale: Katharine McPhee belted out that last tune like she was on American Idol, but those of us well schooled in Marilyn know the siren never really belted*. She sang in that whispy, sweet breathy voice. Every now and then she belted but never, never like a McPhee. Hmmmmm. I'm not sure about the finale but I will keep watching because Smash is a virus that lasts 9 months. The songs really suck!

Dizzying thought: Obama was one block away from Dishhouse. No wonder all the screeching in my hood. It even brought me and Douchebag--who lives on my floor--into semi-civil proximity. TG likes DB but he's an XY.

Let's try dazzled: The Daniel Craig/Rachel Weisz marriage fascinates me so I had to see The Whistleblower. It's a gruesome story, goodish performances, a bit predictable in its telling--still worth the watch. I'll be even more wishy washy: It's an important story, especially to remind us of the rape/trafficking rampant in Bosnia and how we participated in it. It's a cruel world, the plight of women hopeless. I'm not sure how those survivors survived--with daily abuse. Weisz played the good cop, reminding me slightly of Angelina Jolie in The Bone Collector--sober, quietly fearless, trying to be less gorgeous but FAILING MISERABLY.

I feel better about my thighs: I saw a pic of KK wearing tights and shorts and it made me feel skinny. My IQ just dropped 50 points from previous paragraph, didn't it? How about another 50 (see below)?

Duran Duran is throwing a contest for fans to advertise their new Diamond in the Mind CD/DVD. Dish was so excited! But then realized: I'd have to make it about the band's concert in the UK and not about Me and My Love for Them. This stopped me in my tracks. Where would I even begin? Will watch DVR-ed The Bachelorette instead...or read more Sartre.

Dish is all about the contradictions.

*Why does Tony Curtis in drag make this song even sexier?

Phase 1: Steal Underpants

If anyone knows where this headline comes from (and you're not TG), you win an autographed dish from Dish!

Daniel Craig allegedly called the Kardashians "f*cking idiots" in January's issue of GQ. This James Bond rules. Waiting patiently for him to send Rachel 'round for tea and girl-talk on newlywed bliss, my treat. Ever since The Constant Gardener, I've imagined we're best friends.

Marie Osmond has had some scary facial work done. I love my Marie. She's a faintin' Jenny Craigin' re-marryin'-first-husband Mormon masterpiece goddess. She had me at "Which Way You Goin', Billy" way back in the 70s. I even had the doll with the leafy purple dress. But I hate it when my icons' faces are smoother than mine.

Quickies that are so disturbing I can't delve too deep: Conrad Murray sentenced to four years which is not a lot, the Norway massacre-er deemed insane like what was your first clue, Alexis from RHoOC got a nose job and looks just like everyone else thank jebus, Britney Spears is reading a book and it's a funny thing that deals with things about love, Herman Cain rethinking his campaign after another woman comes forward about wayward wang tendencies--which makes the Republicans an even more fun bunch, Miranda Kerr on Dish-Sh*t-List for ALSO claiming she was ugly growing up. Boo!

RIP, Patrice O'Neal, leaving this earth too soon at 41.

Post-Wedding Lounging

Congratulations to Dishbrother who married his love Dishbrotherpartner! It was very moving. How else to recover from a great wedding than to watch the catty Part 2 of The Real Housewives of New York City? Even TG had a hard time breaking away. Speaking of housewives, Desperate Housewives's last season is ending a year shorter than planned. Maybe because it's been blowing lately? Maybe the fast-forward five years wasn't brilliant, though it did give Gale Harold more work.

Why I love Kathy Griffin:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZFlHALukD4 My favorite incorrigible whore.

I'm reading things about The Normal Heart, to be directed by Ryan Murphy and possibly starring Julia and Mark Ruffalo. Cut to Dish running toward Julia yelling, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" The play has had a huge resurgence but I just don't see it as a movie and after Eat Pray Love, well, I can't say it because Julia is Love itself. What about Notting Hill 2 instead?

A tidbit that seems like bs: Ryan Reynolds ended things with Charlize Theron b/c she was getting too serious. Women are such wily creatures. All we do is get too serious. One look at a man and we *have* to nail him down. After 10 years with a steady beau (whom she never married), I can't really see this as true.

So, Janet Jackson was vindicated when Nicki Minaj slipped her nip GMA. And it was a huge slip with a bulging boob popping out of her spandex. WHY DIDN'T SHE WEAR A BRA??? When you have large gozongas, you keep them from popping out.

Allegedly, Daniel Craig's ex charged a million $ on his credit card when he dismissed her for Rachel Weisz and wouldn't return her phone calls. That's hard core but I get it.

Pickin' and Passin'

Dishbrother, wish granted. New dirt on Britney Spears, and I mean, dirt. It may not be true, probably isn't, but here goes! Her former bodyguard Fernando Flores is suing her, I guess, for like sexual harassment (did not read article thoroughly b/c attention span at 0). He says her personal hygiene is not so great. She picks her nose and passes gas (which a real person would never do). Despite all the advances she made, he wouldn't succumb cause she stank. I'm sorry, Dish finds this hard to believe. Britney must smell like orchids and bubble gum. And if you love the stars, you put on that gas mask, look the other way and please the Queen Bee. Oh well, I wasn't there.

Other than TG cooking a great dinner, my big excitement today was seeing the trailer for Dream Home, starring newly married in real life, Daniel Craig and Rachel Weisz: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nIeMYPfnST0. First priority: see if they have on-screen chemistry. I couldn't see it. Maybe they were being cautious. My second observation: I do not like Daniel when his hair gets too long. Third: This flick looks scary as sh*t which means I have to see it!

Kim Kardashian has psoriasis.