Baaaaa Baaaaa, $$$$, Baaaaa Baaaa

Much ado is being made over the 1/2 man of Two and Half Men, Angus T. Jones, who spoke his mind about the show being filthy and no one should watch. A double-edged sword here, which in the grand scheme of life amounts to gooey meadow muffins in a field. The little lamb should be able to speak his mind and not feel compelled to apologize for his "rant." I'm tired of these celebs apologizing. Note to Chuck Lorre: If Dish were hired for the show, she would keep any Buddha/Pagan/PrincessDi/New Jesus thoughts separate from work, as in don't whizz on the hand that signs your paycheck. Does no one understand this?

I know this disturbs us all but Jessica Simpson had sex again. US Magazine got the scoop that JS might be with child #2. Please make the lambs stop screaming. Until then...

Screw you, writers of Dexter! How could you kill off my favorite character since the Trinity killer? The rest of the season will suck. Characters are now a spray tan away from putting me to sleep. A high body count will not bring fabulous back. And don't insult me by making him--or her--another dumb mentor ghost! Hello, Jaws? You've been jumped.

Thanksgiving Gravlax. Qu'est-ce que c'est?

Sundays continue to be too packed with great shows. Homeland, Dexter. Let me catch you up on both: The bad guy/protagonist can't stop banging the crazy blond ho.

TG and I made out like bandits from Dishmama's brunch fiesta today. We will go anywhere for free food. My husband hates the idea of me in the kitchen -- especially since my idea of deliciousness is Potato Bud flakes swimming in an ocean of Land O' Lakes and parmesan, the breakfast of champions with mild food and body image issues. Wash it down with some caffeine free Diet Coke. DM saves lives!

Rihanna shows me everyday the truth about love. It involves taking a picture of your squeeze while he's sleeping, which proves you're doing it and c'est tres serious. Tonight, I'm going to catch TG mid-snore,* maybe give him some fake tattoos and little Sharpie mustache, then post on Twitter.

* Teenagers have done this already and posted the pics on FB. Another reason why the young are awesome!

Super Sunday! Let Us Rejoice!

Not only is this the night of Homeland and Dexter, but also...okay, I can't think of anything else. Note to self: Italy is the new Celebrity Wedding. I caught a picture of Justin Timberlake wearing his wedding ring. Reminded me of my cousins (female) who both sighed at the joyous sight of TG wearing a ring. That made me look and now I sigh when I see it. Okay, I'm a huge girlbut not physically. Are you calling me fat?, who pretends not to dream about being a 1950s housewife. I love doing choresbut don't exactly do them.

Kris Jenner had a nip slip while posing as Wonder Woman. What's wrong with her?  She's 50-something, a sexy woman without having to show us her new ta-tas. 

Sad news: RIP, George McGovern. Dish's first conscious memories were of staring down at Vote for McGovern buttons. Isn't that totally manipulative of my parents? If they hadn't waved these in my face, I could have become a big flaming Reagan Republican--to go along with making meals and vacuuming the floor (or is it the carpet?).

TG and I went out to dinner at a fancy place that celebs go to. I think someone defecated on my meal, it was that bad. Luckily, Dish isn't so picky about her dishes so no hard feelings. Well, TG paid and he's still angsting over paying so much for sh*t.

Wowzers, How about that Homeland and Dexter!?

Dexter is so majorly f*cked now that Deb caught him killing Tom Hanks's son! That's the problem when you kill someone on an altar in a church. It's so cliche! The pieces are breaking apart. Can Dex handle it? Of course, he can. He loves the challenge and there's the hope that he won't have to film with his ex-wife anymore if she gets killed off! Dish's comments on thinness: The actor who plays Joey Quinn looks extremely ill, like manorexia or coke/meth/heroin' thin. He's been wasting away in the last three seasons. Either that or it's the stress of being on two hit shows. Jennifer Carpenter is a little less gaunt, though overindulging on the pancake. It's like Ally McBeal all over.

I subjected TG to Homeland. I knew he'd like it because he has a thing for Mandy Patinkin. You should hear the squealing and whooping when he catches the barest glimpse of Man-Pat. TG tried to pretend he was reading his iPad but, really, his soft green eyes were avidly watching Mr. Grizzle deliver his lines so mellifluously.

So yeah, Ahnold is a lying douche, Adele is singing James Bond (perfect), Drew had a girl named Olive, and Seth MacFarlane will host the Oscars. The Academy Awards are where good comedians go to die.

I've decided that I will no longer utter the names Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton on this blog. Until they do something interesting.

Madame X is still on the lam.

Dish is going on a FB and news diet!

I know, I know. This happens a couple times a year and it never lasts long. I get so frustrated by my hours in front of a screen, looking at nonsense ("...but nonsense it all is."--name that quote). I keep refreshing my screen and it's awful. I can't hold a thought in my head and nothing gets done.

My last star thing is that the Emmys were incredibly boring last night and Sofia Vergara was robbed. Jimmie Kimmel was a terrible host. I like his talk show, think he's funny but you need an upbeat and sparkly host--like Ellen, Hugh Jackman, Billy Crystal. On a better note, most of what I picked WON!

This is a shameless plug for Homeland. It really is the best show on TV, debuting on Sunday. I'd even say it's better than Breaking Bad, which is perched over the great white but not quite over it. I was elated to see Aaron Paul win and plant a giant smooch on Guancarlo Esposito, one of the greatest actors alive. There's Dexter also coming though it definitely jumped the shark during the Julia Stiles season. Maybe this one will be better. Who was the chick with Dexter in the audience? I thought he was back together with Jennifer Carpenter. Ugh. See what I mean?

Once I'm done with my TV diet, I'm going to pick up my Sons of Anarchy obsession.

Happy Birthday, Katie Holmes!

It's nice that there's been mellowing over Katie Holmes allegedly held prisoner by Tom Cruise and the Church of Scientology. If you hang in, the story eventually dies. Dish only cares about her movie roles, which got a boost with The Kennedys. I can't forget her performance in The Gift and Pieces of April. I know she can succeed, with or without a mans.

Speaking of mans, A.J. McLean of the Backstreet Boys got hitched! He was the troubled one.

Two elevator deaths besieged NYC in one week: Ad exec Suzanne Hart died horrifically in a freak accident that could happen in any of these death machines in the city. Another woman was lit on fire by a fiend, who has been arrested.

Angry Birds masters were featured in The Post. Being great at Angry Birds seems like an Al Pacino "m... f... waste of my time." I love Angry Birds because it's the only thing -- aside from TG's soft-spoken observations of the ridiculous -- that distracts me on the subway, no small feat since I battle claustrophobia almost daily.

Trying to keep myself from watching the finale of Dexter. I won't sleep...

Why I love Michael Buble and Jimmy Fallon: http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/buble-duets/1374390, especially the dead-on Sting imitation!

She's Gotta Go to Rehab, She Said Maybe, Maybe, Maybe But Only as Outpatient

Like that works for someone who keeps crawling back into the bottle/pipe! Addiction is scary so let's send Brooke Mueller healing vibes. She seems to have a serious, serious problem. Those two boys are cute, she's pretty so why can't everything be perfect? Who knew chaos would ensue all those years ago when she swooshed into Sheen's life moments after Denise left him. Those kids need non-dysfunctional nannies to raise them. As I write this frantic post, Fantasia herself is in labor.

Ah, women in transition. Creating and destroying. Dish spent the evening checking out stars in unflattering bikinis on radaronline.com. It made me feel so much better to see Cindy Crawford's normal lady gut. Another piece of banana bread for me. If they can jiggle, so can I!

Lindsay got her purse stolen in Hawaii. Didn't this happen when she went to Cannes and had to face the judge but couldn't get back because she had no ID? She is like a modern-day Job this one.

Just caught up with Dexter. The show seems to want Jennifer Carpenter and Michael C. Hall to make out and this must be *so* uncomfortable for them. Jen has looked haggard this season and I wonder, how is she coping? He seems to have moved on quickly. The finale looks fantastic. Even TG, who says Dexter is "stupid", gazed fixedly at the preview. Collin Hanks wasn't as frightening as Trinity, but he's better than last season.

Sweet Forty-Three

I have so little to report. I woke up at 5am and couldn't get back to sleep. I'm trying not to watch TV. Cheated a little with Dexter, but that's like literary, right? Back to reading, and I tend to read three books at a time. Right now it's women's fiction's Rachel Gibson Not Another Bad Date (fun!), Tony Robbins's Unlimited Power (two typos within first twenty pages but I want to see what fuss is about) and Zola's L'Assommoir (dark as f*ck but love the downward spiral).

In Starland, Brad Pitt announced that he'll quit acting in three years. THANK GOD! No seriously. He should never make those Cher/Barbra/Barry-esque comments. Loved him in Moneyball! Needs to get Oscar before he quits. Kim K is hostessing New Year's Eve in Vegas. I'm so glad she's picked herself up after the divorce stuff. Her sister Kendall got a 90K Range Rover for her sweet 16. I got a turquoise necklace!!! What gives, Dishmama? Oh wait...I just had a wedding...

Pigs are flying!

Gene Simmons married Shannon Tweed after twenty-eight years. If this can happen, what are the chances George Clooney will also get married again, after being so adamantly against it. Though Dish feels there are those who are perfectly happy not getting married (hello, Goldie and Kurt/Brangelina!). Nothing wrong with that! Mazel to Mr. and Mrs. KISS.

Tonight is the premiere of Dexter. Dish wonders what the big deal will be. How will they top their game? Edward James Olmos joined the cast. He can be really good or really acty so we'll see. Also, I'm eager to see if the divorce has any impact on the relationship between Dex and his "sister." Must be awkward. And The Good Wife. I still think the sexual chemistry between Noth and Margulies is more powerful but will suspend disbelief that she and Josh Charles are hot and heavy. Christine Baranski rules.

Today's Duran Duran video, I think made by a fan: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gpoyLxWyOqQ. This one makes Dish cry.