Finally, Jay Leno Might Be Leaving!

Dish ate a bad meal at a nearby restaurant, so it could be the severe abdominal pains from subpar meat talking, but I'm a little sad for Jay Leno. Okay, maybe not that sad since the Conan O'Brien ousting from The Tonight Show was sheer awfulness. Jimmy Fallon might be taking over in 2014 and moving the show to NYC, which would be amazing. NYC is the new LA (no it isn't).

My pain also comes from not only the hype over The Bible miniseries produced by Survivor's Mark Burnett and F*cked Touched by an Angel's Roma Downey, but also the announcement--replete with corny photos--that Tiger Woods got himself a new blond, dating Lindsey Vonn. Lindsay Lohan's got a new mug shot.

Full disclosure: TG and I have a nice apartment, but it's a pit. We are slobs. My cat is a slob. We blame it on the cat, but we are total pigs. I threatened to hire a cleaning person. Because TG is thrifty, he suggested I make a "chore" chart and whoever completes the most number of tasks gets a reward:

TG's reward: An extra date with my stepfather (fierce man-love)
My reward: I get to do a dramatic superior dance

I started my first task today, with TG dreamily reading his Proust, and realized: TG is not competitive in this arena. What does he care if he has to watch a superior dance? He's going to let me do all the chores and say, "How great, you win. You can do the chores every week."


Anyone have a great cleaning god/dess?

Are You Going to Watch The Conversation with Amanda de Cadenet?

Tonight on Lifetime. It's supposed to be a frank show where stars reveals juicy tidbits about their lives. And who better to host than my former nemesis, the woman I've tried to erase from my mind since I was 23, Amanda de Cadenet. She is a triple threat: blonde, gorgeous and British.

I like a good show featuring women, though am curious that it might be too canned. Maybe the stars will give us a little nugget with a cute smirk, then back to revealing a better version of their public selves. Except for Sarah Silverman and I'll watch for her and it's hard not to stare at AdC's flawless prettiness. I applaud AdC for having a different and specific kind of show. Who wouldn't want to be provocative yet coy and sit next to AdC, who is truly glam?

My only real beef is that on the show, AdC alleges she married Duran Duran's John Taylor at 16, but Dish remembers another version. Picture it: Dishbiologicalfather's house. Yellow kitchen. Dish is temping at a place that builds rockets in a suburb of Cleveland (there is nothing sadder), home for vacation. On the news came the thunderbolt that severed my heartstrings. Not only did John Taylor marry someone other than me but someone younger (4 years younger, not 7). This meant that when I was 14, bemoaning being too young for him, it was all for naught.

Oh God, why am I arguing with myself? I can't fight the system or the lure of glossy stars talking "candidly" with one of the most gorgeous model/personality/actress/photographers on Earth. But first, might rewatch ludicrous male fantasy flick she was in called Fall, in which she alludes to her flatulence. This evens the score.

Never mind all of the above. Scandal takes precedence. Or maybe I'll just knit and stare at TG while he reads.

Happy Birthday, Katie Holmes!

It's nice that there's been mellowing over Katie Holmes allegedly held prisoner by Tom Cruise and the Church of Scientology. If you hang in, the story eventually dies. Dish only cares about her movie roles, which got a boost with The Kennedys. I can't forget her performance in The Gift and Pieces of April. I know she can succeed, with or without a mans.

Speaking of mans, A.J. McLean of the Backstreet Boys got hitched! He was the troubled one.

Two elevator deaths besieged NYC in one week: Ad exec Suzanne Hart died horrifically in a freak accident that could happen in any of these death machines in the city. Another woman was lit on fire by a fiend, who has been arrested.

Angry Birds masters were featured in The Post. Being great at Angry Birds seems like an Al Pacino "m... f... waste of my time." I love Angry Birds because it's the only thing -- aside from TG's soft-spoken observations of the ridiculous -- that distracts me on the subway, no small feat since I battle claustrophobia almost daily.

Trying to keep myself from watching the finale of Dexter. I won't sleep...

Why I love Michael Buble and Jimmy Fallon: http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/buble-duets/1374390, especially the dead-on Sting imitation!