Oscar Hangover

So, I enjoyed Seth MacFarlane though I have the feeling everyone else hated him. I can't bear to read the reviews. Dish fell asleep artificially toward the end, but managed to form some opinions:

Ugliest dress: Halle Berry, Jennifer Aniston--and boring!
Most ridiculous hair: Jennifer Aniston, Jennifer Garner, Kristen Stewart. They didn't even try.
Best breasts: Brandi Glanville
Healthiest looking: Jessica Chastain--because she looks so much like me; Jane F*cking Fonda
Most boring speech: Chris Wa.... from the Tarentino movie. Mostly because I felt the others were robbed. He already got one!
Most awkward presenter banter: Paul Rudd/Melissa McCarthy
Biggest upset: Chris Wa...., Anne Hathaway's nipples
Plastic surgery award: Jennifer Garner's lips
Drunkest: Ben Affleck, though I think he was stoned. Or just sweaty due to hideous facial hair.
Most embarrassing speech: Kind of the long opening--which could have been shaved down to 10 minutes.
Best speech: Daniel Day Lewis
The hottest mess: The bloated atonal muppet that is Russell Crowe, Amy Adams--her hair was f*cked, but loved her dress and that she admitted her nervousness. Of course, J-Lawr tripping on the stairs wasn't a new ballet step, but if anyone can deal with it, she can. As always, William Shatner is a hot mess.
Who was robbed: I'm told Tommy Lee Jones.
Just plain sad: George Clooney's ugly, ugly beard (the one on his face)
Most touching moment: Ben Affleck winning for Argo
Sublime: Charlize dancing with Channing Tatum

The Bachelor just sent sad-sack home, though she handled it well. No ugly limo crying. Now he has to choose between Airhead and Sex-kitten.

FYI--TG is being a gigantic, flaming pustule producing asshole. Yup.

Dish's Oscar Picks!

I tend to pick all the wrong films, but here goes!

Supporting Actor: Tommy Lee Jones (though I loved Robert De Niro in Silver Lining Playbook more)Supporting Actress: Anne Hathaway
Animated Feature: Frankenweenie
Cinematography: Life of Pi (I don't know)
Costume Design: Anna Karenina (Les Mis was all raggy)
Directing: Lincoln, though could be Silver Linings Playbook as dark horse
Documentary Feature: The Invisible War. I want this one to win.
Documentary Short: Mondays at Racine
Film Editing: Argo
Foreign Language: Amour
Makeup and Hairstyling: Hitchcock
Music (Original Score): Argo (not the foggiest)
Production Design: The Hobbit
Animated Short: The Paperman
Short Live Action: Curfew
Sound Editing: Life of Pi
Sound Mixing: Les Miserables
Visual Effects: Life of Pi
Writing (Adapted Screenplay): Argo
Writing (Original): Moonrise Kingdom

Best Actor: Daniel Day Lewis
Best Actress: Jessica Chastain (I always vote for the Gingie, plus this is the pretty award--Naomi could take it, too). Oh I forgot, Jennifer Lawrence is getting tons of buzz now so she could win, but I'll stick with Jessica. Though if Jennifer won, I wonder if it would piss off Kristen Stewart. Dish is so mean!!!
Best Picture: Argo

But here are the most important awards:

Ugliest dress:
Most ridiculous hair:
Best breasts:
Healthiest looking:
Most boring speech:
Most awkward presenter banter:
Biggest upset:
Plastic surgery award:
Drunkest:
Most embarrassing speech:
Best speech:
The hottest mess:
Who was robbed:
Just plain sad:
Most touching moment: