Oscar Hangover

So, I enjoyed Seth MacFarlane though I have the feeling everyone else hated him. I can't bear to read the reviews. Dish fell asleep artificially toward the end, but managed to form some opinions:

Ugliest dress: Halle Berry, Jennifer Aniston--and boring!
Most ridiculous hair: Jennifer Aniston, Jennifer Garner, Kristen Stewart. They didn't even try.
Best breasts: Brandi Glanville
Healthiest looking: Jessica Chastain--because she looks so much like me; Jane F*cking Fonda
Most boring speech: Chris Wa.... from the Tarentino movie. Mostly because I felt the others were robbed. He already got one!
Most awkward presenter banter: Paul Rudd/Melissa McCarthy
Biggest upset: Chris Wa...., Anne Hathaway's nipples
Plastic surgery award: Jennifer Garner's lips
Drunkest: Ben Affleck, though I think he was stoned. Or just sweaty due to hideous facial hair.
Most embarrassing speech: Kind of the long opening--which could have been shaved down to 10 minutes.
Best speech: Daniel Day Lewis
The hottest mess: The bloated atonal muppet that is Russell Crowe, Amy Adams--her hair was f*cked, but loved her dress and that she admitted her nervousness. Of course, J-Lawr tripping on the stairs wasn't a new ballet step, but if anyone can deal with it, she can. As always, William Shatner is a hot mess.
Who was robbed: I'm told Tommy Lee Jones.
Just plain sad: George Clooney's ugly, ugly beard (the one on his face)
Most touching moment: Ben Affleck winning for Argo
Sublime: Charlize dancing with Channing Tatum

The Bachelor just sent sad-sack home, though she handled it well. No ugly limo crying. Now he has to choose between Airhead and Sex-kitten.

FYI--TG is being a gigantic, flaming pustule producing asshole. Yup.