Master of My Romaine

I embarked on a healthier regime today by watching The Master and eating salmon and salad. Failure on all fronts, Will Robinson!!! If you're a girl, you've eaten salad every day since comparing yourself to Kristy McNichol circa 1979. Could not choke it down, not even to be Kristy. I went for a chicken Caesar wrap instead, then mocha chip ice cream (again). 

So, The Master. I do love my Phillip Seymour Jessica Sarah Parker Hoffman. Just when I think he's so acty, he will show once again how brilliant he is. And Joaquin Phoenix--no one does screwed-up drunk better than he does. Here's the story: A loser survives the war and drinks too much. This guy really should be landfill. Instead, he wanders onto a boat (because that happens) and winds up meeting The Master. TM is interesting, inquisitive, creative--someone who makes you feel good. For some reason, he adores Loser and devotes energy to curing him. His scary wife Amy Adams (terrifying) is more skeptical, yet gives TM a hand job in the sink. I went blind so I'm not sure what happens after this.

Over two hours go by. Loser is still a loser. I feel as if I've seen Joaquin do this role before. Would love to see him do something light. Sure, it's about Scientology, but Tom Cruise and his band of merry men were not at all threatened by this slowwwww movie. It packs no punch whatsoever. It's more a slice of life between polar opposites. The setting is interesting, the performances good, just deadly, deadly pacing. If it weren't for Hoffman, I'd say pass. Though rent only.