Republican Convention Recap: Day Two

Okay, Everyone. If you were watching Who the Bleep Did I Marry or The U.S. Open or the Weather Channel, here's what happened at the RNC, short for Really Nice Crew!

Rand Paul: zzzz, Vote Mitt even though my daddy isn't that into him...look at my freaky eyes, zzzzz, roads, America, Vote Mitt Romney!

John McCain: I know Mitt, zzzz, Obama bad because he doesn't kill enough foreigners, military yay, zzzz, America, my under-chin waddle distracts even me, foreigners are scary, leadership, Iranian Netta died in the street and Obama practically killed her himself, I am old, Vote Mitt!

Condaleeza Rice: 9/11, 9/11, unpleasant, my control top gives me this pinched tone, 9/11, security, Obama reversed W.'s great work, downward spiral like planes in WTC, shrill, Arab Spring, on the brink, watch the f*ck out! Vote Mitt.

Paul Ryan: Trying to be calm, dying to break out into aerobics, Obama is the Satan in your cereal, zzzz, zzzz, lies, lies, lies, calm, folksy, nicey, my dad died, I hear your pain, lies, domestic problems. Vote Mitt.

The fire of Chris Christie didn't come on this night. The boredom factor is way too high in general. And the lies!!!

Dish likes to see both sides but you know there's trouble when even Fox News and David Brooks diss the GOP candidate.

I'm so sick. Along with the sappy retrospectives on the Bushes and Ron Paul, they done a nice 3-minute short with a few rape victims, legs in stirrups, with caring doctors telling them they have no choice and isn't that great?

How to Lose a Wife in One Month

Isn't it romantic: I love a good head-butt when I ask my husband of one month about his condom purchase. The actual details are hazy to Dish who's still strepping, but if I were Evelyn Lozada I'd be sprinting out of my mansion. When your spouse draws blood, you get a divorce. The relationship won't get better. No 10-carat diamond is worth an almighty gash on the head. I'll never forget the day a friend came into my room with a face that looked like raw steak. The man she loved had beaten the sh*t out of her, all of a sudden one night. What do you do? Run.

Oy, now that Paul Ryan's the VP choice, my FB friends are going batsh*t posting why he's so bad. Of course, he's bad if you're a Democrat. You don't need to tell me. I won't vote for him but I will admit he's got a brain and that I'm VERY curious about his exercise regime. It's allegedly "punishing" and, as an exercise devotee, I want to know what makes a person rail thin -- aside from anorexia, which never worked for me. I love fit people's secrets.

The Elephant in the Room

Can we admit the obvious? Paul Ryan is handsome as sin and this is problematic for Democrats. Ryan may heart Ayn Rand and support radical reform that will cut many of us off at our knees, but Romney made the perfect choice. Romney by himself is so incredibly boring. Ryan is not boring. He may be a little too polarizing, though Dish feels he will begin an age of young hotties in the Republican party -- which the GOP desperately needs. A couple years ago, I saw him speak and thought, oh f*ck, he's going to be President someday. Mark my scary words, Dishreaders. I was a little surprised he was Mitt's choice, only because PR would gun for the presidency. The VP is erectile dysfunction itself. This campaign just got interesting...unfortunately. (Go Hillary!)

TG and I enjoyed The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo starring our friend Daniel Craig and the interesting Rooney Mara. Or Mara Rooney. It was a mite slow but my strep throat found it leisurely in the best possible way.

WTF, Fareed Zakaria, lifting a paragraph? If this ruins his career, then surely, television can stop enlisting Doris Kearns Goodwin as a beloved commentator on the presidents. Vomitte.